


The Forsaken Lovers

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Awkward Dates, Budding Love, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Emotionally Repressed, Established Relationship, Fallen Angels, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Living Together, M/M, Mental Instability, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Threats of Violence, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-07-28 05:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16235261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Fallens are supposed to be the ultimate enemy of angels, even more so than demons.Despite knowing that, Hinata questions it when he meets the fallen Komaeda whose anything but villainous, one he ends up driven to protect. In order to try and understand the situation, Hinata throws himself into studying up on fallens and ends up growing even more dangerously close to Komaeda in the process.Unbeknownst to him, his mentor Kamukura Izuru is also involved in all this via Komaeda Nagito's other, more demonic half. Thus, the two affairs get tangled up.(Written for the KomaHina Secret Exchange.)





	1. Diligence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary is probably going to be updated with each new chapter after the second. This thing is long, by the way. I'll try to keep the chapters a manageable length, at least.
> 
> I've mentioned this before but pretty much a lot of the world-building was taken from an rp with a friend albeit with several elements changed for the sake of plot. And several things butchered. Probably. Awa. Sorry, Brooklyn...!
> 
> I definitely went overboard in writing this thing but... I did work really hard on it so I hope you all enjoy!!!
> 
> Please comment with your thoughts! Otherwise I'll starve. :'D

_In a chaotic world like this, an angel’s duty is to maintain order above all else._

He knows that. He knows.

_It’s not about what’s moral, it’s about balance. Injustices that cannot be controlled to the world’s benefit must be destroyed. Balance is, after all, such a precarious thing._

But even though he knows that...

_As of late, I’ve been questioning it more and more. Because of him._

“Hinata Hajime, you are spacing out again.”

Hinata flinches, hurriedly straightening his posture.

“Ah, uh, sorry, Kamukura-sama...”

Kamukura still looms over him of course, but Hinata can tell that Kamukura’s boring gaze is directed towards the text he has open. It’s hardly less anxiety-inducing than if Kamukura had been staring at him. Especially since Kamukura’s gaze just flickers over to him anyway, and Hinata just wants to hide in his wings.

“You have been staring at that book for a while now.”

“Yeah... I’ve just been thinking.” It’s always best to stick to the truth as much as possible. He can only continue to hope that Kamukura wouldn’t prod him too much.

But of course fate wouldn’t be so kind as to cut him a break.

“This text is about fallens,” Kamukura says, humming. “Are you really so curious about them? I suppose it is best to know thy enemy.”

_The enemy. Fallens are supposed to be the ultimate enemy of angels, even more so than demons. Even though they used to be angels... But I guess that makes it even worse. Treachery is the worst sin. That’s how it works._

And, _yet_.

“I feel like I don’t know enough about them,” Hinata replies, and that’s also the truth. “I think I should try and understand as much as possible.”

_That way I won’t be so torn up about the decision I’m making._

**_Treachery is the worst sin._ **

Kamukura hums.

“It’s rather unlike you to be so proactive. This is a matter you are taking very seriously, then.”

“I...” Hinata sucks in his breath, and he swallows. He mutters lowly, “I just...want to be a good angel, ‘tis all.”

“You will be,” Kamukura says. “If you just follow my guidance, Hinata Hajime.”

“Yes, Kamukura-sama, of course.” _Kamukura-sama is...the best of the best, after all. I’m still honored to work so closely with him. But..._ “I’ll do my best.”

_I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, Kamukura-sama. If you knew, you’d probably rip off my wings personally._

And that was really terrifying to think, especially with how much he admired the other.

_Still... I can’t say I regret sparing him. It just...didn’t seem right. It just doesn’t seem right. If a fallen is like that, can he really be the enemy?_

Such was why he needed to find out and understand as much about fallens as he could.

_Because, otherwise, there’s just no justification for why someone like Komaeda has to be destroyed._

* * *

He met Komaeda Nagito about four months ago.

It was his first time surveying on his own without Kamukura Izuru by his side, so he had been pretty nervous about it. It was a simple job, though, just overlook the area and report any abnormalities. Any demons causing a stir, any fallen in the area.

Hinata knew demons, of course, having hunted them with Kamukura before, even if that hadn’t been the most pleasant of experiences. Which was beside the point. He had just figured that fallens were like that, but stronger, obviously. More _dangerous_ , easily.

He hadn’t been prepared for just how creepy and eerie the presence of a fallen was, and—he was taken aback from just how _familiar_ the signature of a fallen was compared to an angel. He should’ve expected it, but it was still—a surprise.

And he, being the astronomical dumbass that he was, didn’t even realize that it _was_ a fallen until he stumbled across from them far, far fucking sooner than Kamukura ever would’ve permitted.

Something had always felt off, though.

“...oh.”

_O-Oh?_

Hinata wasn’t sure exactly what he expected the other to look like—but it sure as hell wasn’t this.

Wide, innocent doe-like eyes blink up at him, and the other curled further in on himself, as if it would make him even smaller. His limbs were thin, downright skeletal. Every bit of exposed, pallid skin was dirty, his clothes even more so ragged and filthy. Messy white hair. Gaunt cheeks. Even his wings and halo were dull and dirty. This being looked downright _sickly_.

_If it wasn’t for that...wouldn’t he look pretty...alluring?_

**_What the hell am I thinking?! I—_ **

“You’re...an angel, aren’t you?” That voice was barely above a whisper. Those doe eyes once again blink slowly. “Does that mean you want to kill me, too?”

“I...” Hinata shivered, for a moment. “Uh, no, I...”

_In a situation like this, protocol is to inform Kamukura-sama right away. I don’t know how strong he is. He... He doesn’t look it, but he is a fallen. I can’t take chances, I have to alert Kamukura-sama and have him take care of it—_

“It’s okay.”

Almost sleepily, the other’s head droops.

“You see... I’m so tired of running.”

Hinata blinks.

“You have kind eyes,” the other says, and the smile that spreads across his lips is so painfully sad. “I don’t mind being killed by someone like you, I think. So...go right ahead. I’m so tired. There’s just no point to prolonging an existence like mine.”

_An existence like yours...? Because you’re a fallen?_

This could be a trap. He really should hurry up and contact Kamukura. But, instead, Hinata found himself frozen in place, frozen by that sad, pitiful smile.

_...this is a fallen?_

“It’s okay,” the fallen is saying. “I won’t fight back. I don’t think I can, aha. It’s not like I have anything to fight for. This existence has just been so lonely. I’m tired. I don’t want to live anymore.”

_... **this** is a fallen?_

“Well, it’s not like I’m asking for sympathy. But...” That gaze flickers downwards. “It is strange...that you’re just letting me talk. Did you want to hear me out or something? You really, really are kind. I knew I had a good feeling about you. Is it alright if I ask your name?”

“...Hinata...” At that moment, his name was all he could give. “Hajime. Hinata Hajime.”

“Hinata-kun.” Spoken so cheerfully, with a smile that still wobbled like ripples in the water. “Well, Hinata-kun, it’s nice to meet you. Thank you. But, you really should hurry up and kill me.” He giggles lightly, almost wheezily. “Otherwise I might think you’re stalling and that’s pretty improper behavior for an angel, right?”

_Right. That’s right. That’s right, but..._

“I...” Hinata’s fingers trembled. “Is this...really alright?”

“Hmm?” The fallen made a confused face, even though Hinata’s gut had never been such a confusing whirlwind and mess of conflicted emotions until now. “What do you mean?”

_How the hell am I supposed to know the answer to that?! I...!_

“I... I just...” Hinata runs his fingers through his hair, mind going a mile per minute. “I, um... I don’t...think... That I can just...kill you... S-Sorry.”

Just like that. Hinata slumps, with even his wings and halo drooping.

“Yeah, I just... There’s no way...in this kind of situation...”

For what it was worth, the fallen looked to be at a loss as well.

“...well...” The fallen sighs. “I guess it is pretty unfair to burden someone kind with something like that. I’m sorry, then, Hinata-kun. You can be on your way. Don’t mind me. I’m a fallen, after all. I’ll definitely be killed sooner rather than later.”

“...”

Hinata bit his lower lip.

_...is this really alright?_

For once in his life, he really started to wonder.

_I..._

Looking at this fallen, he really _had_ to wonder.

_Someone like this... Curled in on himself... Eyes shut... Fragile... Shivering from the cold... This isn’t a monster._

And at that point, Hinata just stops thinking.

“Hey...” He just starts talking. “I... Instead of any of that, why don’t you just come with me?”

The fallen snaps up as if he had been struck. Hinata can’t blame him, but he still isn’t thinking.

“...come with me.”

Those doe eyes widen, and just like that, Hinata’s breath caught.

_Just like that... I end up so captivated._

* * *

_Just like that._

**_Seriously?!?! Was I fucking brainwashed or what?!?!_ **

Hinata wanted to scream into his hands. He would’ve, but the fallen likely would’ve overheard him from the bathroom, so instead he bit down to muffle any sound.

_Just what the actual fuck am I doing?! This is more than just out of line, it’s beyond treason! My wings would get shredded if anyone ever found out about this and I still and I still—!!!_

Hinata scratched his head furiously and it would’ve torn his scalp to shreds if he hadn’t been an angel.

_...there’s a way to come back from this. All I have to do is turn him in. All I have to do is inform Kamukura-sama. Kamukura-sama can stop this—Kamukura-sama can save me from my own fucking stupidity—Kamukura-sama can...!_

Kamukura Izuru could and would kill that fallen on the spot. And that fallen would welcome it with that same mournful smile of before.

_...I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. Why? Why do I even_ have _to...?_

He couldn’t understand it. Even if the other was a fallen, Hinata just couldn’t see why he had to die. And because of that—

_I can’t tell Kamukura-sama. And I can’t...leave this fallen alone._

Hinata bites his hand again, out of frustration.

_Just what the hell else am I **supposed** to do?! Urghhh..._

“Um. I’m done, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata snapped up, turning to the other quickly. “Ah, you’re—oh.”

_Oh. So... So I was right._

“I guess... I should at least introduce myself since things have gone this far...” The fallen is still drying off his cheek with a towel. He’s dressed in one of Hinata’s robes. It’s baggy on him. And, yet. “I... Komaeda Nagito. That is...my name. You don’t have to use it, of course, but... It’s only fair... Thank you so very much for the hospitality and privilege of using your shower. Um. I cleaned up after myself, and even unclogged the drain. So you don’t have to worry about anything like that...”

_He’s stunning._

“I... Komaeda, huh...” Hinata swallows before he stiffly nods. “Komaeda... Alright.”

“You really are so much kinder than I expected,” Komaeda murmurs into the towel. “Is this...one of those situations where a person is granted luxuries for their last day? It’s so much more than I deserve, but...you had insisted...”

“No, that...” Hinata shook his head. “It’s nothing like that. I insisted because I just wanted to help. And you were filthy. I figured a bath would be the first thing you needed.”

“I’m actually pretty hungry, too,” Komaeda said. “But I don’t exactly need to eat, so...”

“Oh, you can have something. It’s fine. I have more than enough food stocked. Most of it is snacks, though, since they don’t spoil.” Hinata rubs at his nape. “Uh. I do have a few sandwiches. You can have one of those, if you’d prefer.”

Komaeda blinks at him. His eyes become guarded.

“...thank you. I suppose.”

_You suppose?_

“Uh...” This really was getting increasingly awkward, so Hinata stood up. “I’ll just get you one, then.”

He practically scrambles to the kitchen, heart pounding so hard that his ears were ringing. As if moving on autopilot, he grabbed one of the wrapped up sandwiches from the fridge and a small bag of chips from the pantry. Steeling himself, Hinata took a deep breath before returning.

“H-Here.”

He tries to not shove them into Komaeda’s face. He tries to not show his nerves so blatantly. He fails on both accounts.

Thankfully, Komaeda just takes them and makes himself comfortable at the kotatsu, humming as he does. Despite that, the sound of him unwrapping and the crackling of the bag being pulled open are uncomfortably loud.

Hinata inelegantly plops down on the other side of the kotatsu. He twiddles his thumbs as Komaeda practically wolves down his food.

_We don’t need to eat. But...some of us get so used to it that it becomes akin to the instinctive need that humans feel._ Hinata drums his fingers along the table’s surface. _Typically this is why angels don’t stick around for long, but... I guess fallens don’t really have an option, huh...?_

He had to admit it was pretty interesting, actually getting to observe a fallen close up like this. It gave him a lot to think about—a lot of which involving stuff that he usually wouldn’t think too hard about.

“Mmf. Foo.”

Hinata perks up. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, Komaeda.”

“Mm.” Komaeda swallows it all down. “You’re fidgeting too much. I guess you have no idea just what the hell you’re doing, either. I have to admit, it’s pretty confusing. Are you hoping to gain something? Like information?” He takes another bite and chews. “Mm, mm, you’re out of luck, then. I really don’t know anything. I’m not even sure what a fallen is. Just that angels don’t want me alive because I’m one.”

_Huh?_

“You mean... You have no _idea_ why...?”

“I mean I can guess. I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that someone like me is just too dangerous. And yeah, I guess I’m strong... I’ve injured angels before but I usually just...fled. I don’t want to kill anyone, especially not an angel, even if it’s to protect my own miserable life.” Komaeda rummages around in the chip bag. “They’re just doing their righteous duties, after all.”

_Righteous._

Hinata’s been told as much before.

“What _do_ you know?” Hinata asked, gesturing almost helplessly. “I mean, about all _this_. You...do you remember anything before you...?”

“Before I became like this?” Komaeda gestures at himself. Hinata can’t bring himself to respond, but Komaeda simply goes on without batting an eyelash. “No. I don’t. Not a thing. When I first became aware, I had no memory of anything besides my name. I didn’t even know how to read or write. I still managed, of course, though the means weren’t pleasant.” He hums, popping another chip into his mouth. “And I couldn’t exactly ask questions about my appearance when most people couldn’t see what I was talking about.” A pause. “Not that they much wanted to talk to me in the first place.”

“I...” Despite the warmth of the kotatsu, Hinata felt very, very cold. “I see.”

_He couldn’t remember anything..._

“But I _am_ very dangerous!” Komaeda chirps. “After all, I’ve put up a fight and survived to this point in spite of all the odds! That or I’m very lucky, haha! I have been called that a few times.”

_He’s laughing without a care._

“But...” Komaeda sighs. “I’m tired. Of running. Of fighting. Of everything. I haven’t been shown any real kindness until today. Which is why I think it’s good for me to finally die. If it’s you, I’ll welcome it with open arms, Hinata-kun.”

“I’m not going to kill you.” He said it flatly, without even a hint of hesitation. “After hearing all that, there’s... There’s no way in _hell_.”

_There’s no way this is alright. There’s just no fucking way any of this is alright._

“You don’t remember anything,” Hinata said lowly. “And you don’t even have any real idea of what’s going on.”

_I could...just be getting manipulated. It could all be a lie. But, honestly, that doesn’t make any damn sense either. And just..._

Komaeda, who looked at him so innocently—Hinata felt he could assert without question that the other was sincere, perhaps even to a fault.

_As it stands, I can’t just stand by idly and facilitate this person’s death. Especially when as far as I know, he hasn’t done anything besides existing and at least trying to fight for survival._

He might be all wrong. He might not have all the information. But then, that’s on him to learn more. Otherwise, he just can’t leave things be.

_It just wouldn’t be right._

“You can stay here,” Hinata found himself saying. “I need to keep you around for observational purposes. Because as things are, I can’t just send you off to be killed in good conscience.”

“...Hinata-kun...?”

Komaeda seems utterly taken aback. And, yeah, this is a pretty shocking situation to be in, he can’t begin to imagine the kind of face that Kamukura Izuru or the other higher ups would make, and, yet—

_I can’t imagine going through this any other way._

The words burned in the air like a devil’s contract.

* * *

By the time he got back to his place, his head was throbbing from all the studying. All that, and he really has to wonder just how much he actually learned.

“Welcome home, Hinata-kun!”

As per usual, Komaeda greets him brightly and eagerly and all he can do in response is tiredly wave with a half-assed smile. Komaeda’s really gotten used to making himself comfortable, being wrapped up in the comforter, wings tucked in. There’s a colorful show on, but Komaeda flicks off the television just as Hinata glances at it.

“So...” Komaeda hums. “How was your day? You look awfully exhausted as always.”

“I kinda got tricked into taking on someone else’s paperwork,” Hinata mutters, rubbing at his eye. Padding over, he plops onto the couch. “I didn’t get as much work as I wanted to... Even Kamukura-sama said I should just take a break for the rest of the day. I guess I really do look awful, then.”

“You really do,” Komaeda agrees. “I can maybe prepare you something if you like?”

“...are you trying to kill me?”

“I-I would never!” Komaeda gasped, aghast. “But—I’ve been watching tons of cooking shows and I really think that I can do it right this time! Please believe me, Hinata-kun! I really do think I can do it!”

Hinata blinks at him drearily, taking in that shining determination within those sparkling gray-greens and the pink of those cheeks. He couldn’t help but chuckle, reaching out and ruffling Komaeda’s hair. Komaeda reddened significantly, squeaking in surprise.

“No way in hell.”

“Hinata-kuuuun!”

The way Komaeda pouted was absolutely precious.

_Ah. That’s a little **too** dangerous._

“Anyway, I don’t really have an appetite right now,” he goes on to say, pulling away and clearing his throat. “I think I’d rather just watch TV and relax to whatever. So you can turn it back on, if you want.”

“Oh, okay.”

Komaeda fiddles with the remote, and that weird colorful cartoon flicks back on. Komaeda seems more entranced by the colors than what’s actually happening. It is pretty enthralling, all things considered.

_Though I don’t really care much for shows... They don’t have stuff like this for angels... It’s all business. It’s no wonder I’m not any good at it._

His eyes start to droop. Komaeda notices.

“Do you want this, Hinata-kun?” he asks, offering the comforter. Hinata shakes his head, waving his hand.

“Nah, it’s fine. You keep it.”

Komaeda frowns.

“If you say so. But you really shouldn’t fall asleep watching TV.”

“I’ll be fine,” Hinata griped. “Don’t worry so much, Komaeda. You’re not my caretaker.”

“I suppose not.” Komaeda huffed. “Considering I might as well be younger than you, it would be quite dire if I were the responsible one.”

“H-Hey!”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Komaeda gave him a pointed look. “So! Be more responsible, Hinata-kun! You’re not just older, you’re an angel! The balance of the world hangs on your shoulders!”

“D-Don’t just say stuff like that! It’s not encouraging!”

“But it’s the truth!” Komaeda turned away with another huff. “That you get so flustered is really worrying. Almost despairingly so. But...” Just like that, Komaeda smiles easily as if without a care. “Hinata-kun is still a really kind person. So I think you’ll be fine, even if you have so many unreliable moments.”

It wasn’t that comforting to hear. In fact, he just got even more flustered, but...

“I... I’m not going to fall asleep during the film, so... Don’t worry about it, Komaeda.”

“Okay,” Komaeda sing-songs. “I’ll believe you, Hinata-kun!”

Hinata tried to re-focus on the TV, but for whatever reason, it was difficult. Especially with how Komaeda hummed along to the music. He found himself relaxing as time went on.

_...for whatever reason... It’s just as easy to relax around Komaeda Nagito as it is to get riled up by him. Mmgh..._

Well, whatever. He was too tired to think further on the matter.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, he wakes up later. The TV was still going, but it had been muted. Hinata blinks at it blearily a few times, feeling far too comfortable and warm to move.

_...warm?_

He was wrapped up in a blanket. Specifically the worn dark green one that he liked best. And Komaeda was slumbered up against him, head resting on his shoulder. Komaeda’s breathing is steady, and he sighs ever so slightly when Hinata shifts.

_Ah._

Komaeda really looked peaceful...almost...otherworldly. Ethereal.

_Captivating. **Dangerous**._

And despite everything, Hinata wraps his wing around Komaeda so that he can be more comfortable. He notes how soft Komaeda’s own wings are, in spite of the dullness of the feathers. Komaeda’s ivory eyelashes twitch as Hinata thoughtlessly strokes his cheek.

_All this time, and I feel like I understand everything even less than before. In peaceful moments like this, I can fool myself into thinking this is normal. That I’m not betraying everyone and everything they stand for. Especially Kamukura Izuru._

Kamukura Izuru, who checked his temperature earlier. Kamukura Izuru, who in spite of his stoicism, was clearly fussing over him. He had those moments a lot, actually, moments in which Hinata felt like a child to an overbearing, paranoid parent instead of the charge of a strict, well-respected angel.

_Kamukura-sama..._

“Mm...” Komaeda shifts, snuggling into his side. “Hi...nata...kun...”

Just like that, all of Hinata’s thoughts halted. But, his heart did not.

_...just what the hell am I doing? God, why did these disgusting feelings only get worse with time?!_

He squeezed his eyes shut tight, shivering as he struggled to regulate his breathing. Not much good. He was shaking. Komaeda groaned, and then, just as Hinata realized, Komaeda stirred awake.

“Hinata-kun...?” Komaeda pulled away to yawn and rub his eyes. Swallowing, Hinata could only think about how cute that was. If he had less self-control, he would’ve clawed out his own eyes for that. Especially with Komaeda blinking at him so blearily, especially with Komaeda instinctively rubbing soothing circles into his back. “Hinata-kun. Hinata-kun. Breathe.”

He breathed, but doing so badly burned his throat.

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says a little more urgently. “Did you have a nightmare? Is something wrong? What happened?”

“I... I...” Hinata trembled for a bit but managed to shake his head. “No, I... It’s not anything like that. Not...a nightmare. Angels don’t exactly dream. I-I mean, sometimes we do, but like, it’s not like humans, we’re not like humans...”

“You seem to be prone to panic attacks like humans,” Komaeda said quietly. Hinata flinched, but Komaeda just patted his shoulder. “But it’s not like it’s unexpected. Hinata-kun must have a lot of stress to deal with. You...have me here, after all...”

Komaeda trails off, and just as he would’ve pulled away, Hinata yanked him in close, wings wrapping around him and caging him.

“Don’t run off,” Hinata whispered into his shoulder, gripping him tightly even as he lessened it so as to not hurt Komaeda. “If you disappeared on me again, I really would despair, Komaeda.”

“I’m not worth such distress,” Komaeda sighed. “But, don’t worry. I’m not going to run away again, Hinata-kun. Even if that would be better.”

“Don’t even _say_ that,” Hinata snapped. “I, just... Don’t say these things, Komaeda. Ever. For any reason. I can’t stand it.”

“But, it is...”

“Komaeda, _please_.”

Komaeda stopped, holding his tongue, and then, with a sigh, he slumped into Hinata’s grip. For a while, Hinata just held him close, fingers threading through Komaeda’s hair.

_The strands really are soft._

“Hinata-kun...” A pause. “You really are so kind. But that might just be a terrible thing.”

He doesn’t want to think about that. Honestly, he doesn’t really want to think at all.

“I’m not that kind, Komaeda,” he says. “I’m really not. I’m just a coward. And selfish. And disgustingly indulgent.”

Komaeda laughs. “Oh, come on. You really do deserve more credit than that, Hinata-kun.”

“It’s true,” he mumbled, pulling away slightly, fingers trailing from Komaeda’s hair to his neck. “I... I really am...”

Lightly, Komaeda touches his jaw.

“Hinata-kun. Maybe you should just stop talking.”

Just like that, Komaeda leans in, and closes the distance between them. It wasn’t the first time the two of them kissed, and it most certainly wouldn’t be the last.

* * *

“Hinata-kun... I don’t really understand what’s going on. Perhaps it’s just because I’m too stupid to, but I really, really don’t understand.”

“I-It shouldn’t be that hard to get...!”

_Aah, even though I was so firm about deciding things...!_

It shouldn’t have surprised him that after letting things settle for a bit, the nerves from before come crashing down in full force. At this rate... He might just end up crushed after all!

_Be it from the pressure or from the higher-ups grinding me under their heel like a bug...!_

“...do you really want me to stay?” Komaeda is asking him, and being asked that is like getting dunked in freezing cold water. “I don’t really know anything about angels, but, wouldn’t you be in a lot of trouble for this?”

“Rather than having my wings burn up,” Hinata found himself saying. “I might just end up having them torn to shreds. Slowly and painfully. Ha. Haha.”

Komaeda frowned at him.

“Is that...so...?” Komaeda chews on his lower lip. “Then, well, I really shouldn’t stay with you. Hinata-kun’s a kind person. If something so horrible happened to him just because of someone like me...”

Hinata grabbed Komaeda’s wrist without thinking.

“...No. Because I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you just _because_. I just... It shouldn’t be that hard to understand that people don’t deserve to be punished for circumstances they can’t _control_ , right?”

_If even demons can be given leeway, then why the hell can’t Komaeda be given a chance? He wasn’t even doing anything when I found him. He was just...waiting to be killed. That’s not right—! There’s no way in hell I can just turn the other cheek at something like that!_

Just as before, those thoughts are firm and forceful. He can’t help but go along with them. Even as the potential ramifications have him quaking.

_...that I might not have anyone who will back me up on this... Not even Kamukura-sama... It’s terrifying but..._

His grip tightens.

_But I can’t just...abandon Komaeda either way... There’s just no way I can do it... I’m stuck. I’m completely stuck._

It really was beyond terrifying. But what was he supposed to _do_?

_I can’t... I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I **can’t**...!_

“Hinata-kun. Um.” Komaeda is pulling against his grip, wincing. “You’re hurting me.”

“Ah!” Hinata immediately releases him, waving his hands frantically. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry! I-Is it bad?!”

Komaeda was rubbing his wrist, features pinched. “It’s bruised, I think.”

“S-Sorry....! I’m so sorry, Komaeda!”

“It’s okay... I think...”

“I’m really, really sorry!”

“Bruises fade,” Komaeda said. “But getting your wings torn to shreds sounds a little permanent.”

“Urk...”

Hinata rubbed furiously at his nape, wings fluttering in preemptive dread.

“They really are such pretty wings, too,” Komaeda adds, sighing. “It really would be a tragedy if something so beautiful got brutalized like that. Not to mention, Hinata-kun’s a kind person...”

“Y...” Disgustingly, Hinata felt his cheeks warm. “Y-Your wings are fine. Mine aren’t that great, especially compared to Kamukura-sama’s...”

“Kamu...kura-sama?”

The way Komaeda said his name was weird, as if said name left a funny taste in his mouth. Considering what a weird name it was, Hinata didn’t think much of it, instead laughing just a little.

“Yeah, he’s my direct superior. He only recently started taking care of me but I’ve looked up to him for...a while.” Hinata sighed. “He’s what every angel should be. Powerful, grand, disciplined... Although...”

_He’s...surprisingly fussy. But isn’t that just because of what happened with his previous partners?_

He shouldn’t think too much about such things. He has more than enough to worry about already, especially now.

“He sounds incredible,” Komaeda says. “Kamukura-sama, I mean.”

“Yeah... He is...” _Even though I can’t rely on him anymore. I wish I could._ “Kamukura-sama really is something else.”

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says. “Is it alright if you tell me more about yourself? I’m curious! I’ve never met someone—anyone so willing to talk to me before!”

Hinata straightened up at that, flustered.

“T-That’s...!” _That’s probably because of your situation. But I shouldn’t say that. “_ I... Uh. Sure. What do you want to know, Komaeda?”

“Mm... Anything, really.” Komaeda shrugs. “Every aspect of you is unusual and new, so I think you could tell me whatever and I would find it fascinating all the same.”

_...that’s flattering to hear._

He couldn’t help but feel a little pleased, preening.

_Every aspect... Ah, well, it’s not like there’s much to talk about._

Or so he thought.

“I... Well, I’m an angel of compassion, supposedly, but I’m working in the Temperance Division because I wanted to get close to Kamukura-sama.”

“Compassion? How fitting!” Komaeda claps in delight. “I’m not surprised at all!”

“I-It’s really nothing to write home about...” Hinata swallowed, averting his gaze. “I mean, it’s just...sections. Pretty unimpressive and boring. I haven’t even done much besides paperwork.”

“That doesn’t mean what you do is unimportant, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says. Kamukura has said as much before. But Komaeda has a wide, reassuring smile that made his heart skip a beat. “You really should be more confident!”

_Confident...huh. Aha. It’s funny, being told that by a fallen of all things._

Hinata chuckled lowly, running his fingers through short brown spikes.

_It’s funny but... It’s still nice to hear._

“Thanks, Komaeda.”

“Now tell me more!” Komaeda exclaimed, eyes sparkling. “I want to know everything, Hinata-kun!!!”

“Ahaha... Maybe not everything, but I’ll try to tell you as much as I can... Can’t guarantee you won’t get bored though...”

“That’s for me to worry about,” Komaeda huffed. Hinata’s smile strains at that.

“I... I guess...”

_He’s really flustering._ Hinata couldn’t help but think. _That might just be dangerous. Really dangerous._

**_You really, really don’t deserve to die, Komaeda._ **

* * *

There hadn’t been a lot to talk about, he thought. How angels came into the world, how they were given all about the same level of learning, how they were sorted—although some of them would pick what jobs they wanted to do. It was a very rigid society, but it was a stable one, Hinata always assumed.

Komaeda still seemed so interested even as the details became more and more menial.

Komaeda had asked him about Kamukura Izuru, but, Hinata wasn’t willing to divulge much on that particular topic, so it was dropped pretty quickly.

And then, Komaeda began asking about more mundane things about the world around them. About humans and the like. Stuff that Hinata only really knew because of his own curiosities, and a lot of stuff that Hinata didn’t actually know because he had never gone that far in mingling with humans.

There were things that other angels would know far more, and Komaeda’s questions ended up reminding him of all the things that Hinata himself had wanted to ask.

And then, Hinata thought it’d only be fair to completely throw himself into researching fallens. And centuries of existing lead to there being quite a bit to read. All the same, he wanted to know more about Komaeda. It was only fair.

And, now...

* * *

He had known the sensation of kissing someone before Komaeda, but that had been some nameless human. Just a means of satisfying curiosity. He hadn’t really liked it back then. It was messy, wet, and almost suffocating. It was uncomfortable.

But Komaeda’s kisses aren’t like that at all. They’re tentative and chaste, soft brushes of contact rather than linking mouths.

Idly, Hinata wonders if it’s because Komaeda doesn’t like those deeper, messier kisses either.

Then again, the first kiss had only been on impulse after all. And after that...and after that...

Komaeda shivers a bit as Hinata kisses his jaw.

“Careful,” Komaeda giggles, wheezing between breaths. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“I-I wouldn’t...” Hinata bit him for that, but he quickly pulled away, cheeks flaring. “Obviously we’re not going to go further than this.”

_That would be...bad. For both of us._

He brushes Komaeda’s hair back, breath catching as Komaeda’s eyes glimmered back, Komaeda’s smile widening. His thumb runs over the curve of the other’s cheek, tracing the indent of a dimple. On impulse, Hinata kisses his forehead.

“This is more than enough,” he murmurs against Komaeda’s crown. He pulls back, and Komaeda is frowning.

“Hinata-kun... It’s expectable that I would grow fond of you, given how much you’ve done for me...” He trails off. “You really are...such a kind person.”

“Komaeda,” Hinata finds himself saying. “You’re kind, too.”

Komaeda’s smile drops, and he wordlessly ducks his face into Hinata’s chest. Hinata stiffens, of course, hoping that Komaeda wouldn’t hear just how this motion affected him.

“You should sleep,” Komaeda says rather than tease. “You must be really, really tired.”

“Not...that tired.”

“Hinata-kun.” Komaeda’s tone is firm. Stern. “Sleep.”

Delicate fingertips rub at his nape and then along his spine. Despite himself, Hinata begins to relax, sighing when Komaeda traces the more sensitive feathers of his wings. It’s only really Komaeda who can calm him like this.

And it isn’t long before Hinata drifts to sleep in spite of himself and everything else.


	2. Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this chapter is fluffy dating. Not all of it, but a lot of it. Just take it in. It's a lot of fluff. Sandwiched by...what most certainly /isn't/ fluff. Haha.

**_An angel who betrays their kind and the order will have their wings burned. This creates a fallen, a being of pure chaos and destruction. Demons can be controlled; fallens cannot._ **

Hinata’s fingers thrum irritably against the table’s surface as he flips the page. The shifting of paper does little to alleviate tension building in his shoulders.

**_However, there is one way a fallen can be saved. If the fallen had been a powerful angel, they can create a means of coming back by splitting into two beings. A fallen and a demon. A demon born from an angel is distinct in appearance. Depending on the class, their power can vary but because of their status, they typically do not survive for long. These demons also tend to be particularly skittish, thus many of them are undocumented. More research needs to be conducted._ **

Hinata’s brow furrows at that.

**_But one thing is known. If a fallen (and the fallen alone) can destroy its demonic half, then its angelic soul can be restored and it can rejoin society. When that happens, be sure to be kind to them._ **

“...be kind to them? Seriously?” He wanted to laugh. He wasn’t the slightest bit amused. “After all _that_?”

“You really have been quite the curious one, haven’t you, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata froze up, a shudder going down his spine.

_Ah. That’s not Kamukura-sama._

Kamukura Izuru could and often did speak coldly, but there had always been a melancholy cadence to his tone. One that softened the otherwise harsh words, and one that had been both worrying and reassuring. Kamukura Izuru, who was as strict as he was protective—would not speak to someone with such a _prodding_ suspicion.

Especially not a suspicion that made Hinata feel like he was being analyzed to each particle of stardust that made up his being.

_The person I wanted to be the least involved—!_

“O-Oh, Kirigiri...san.” He almost slips up on the honorific as he scrambles to his feet, keeping his head respectfully ducked. “I was just...j-just...”

“There is no need to be so meek, Hinata-kun,” Kirigiri says coolly. “I was making an innocuous observation. I was not asked to investigate you.”

Despite those reassuring words, Hinata didn’t feel the slightest bit relieved.

_Just because she wasn’t asked... That doesn’t mean that she won’t... She’s an angel of diligence. She’s not going to slack off if she senses something amiss._

Even under normal circumstances, he found her to be nerve-wracking.

“Is...” Hinata swallowed and tried to keep his voice steady. “Um... Is everything alright, Kirigiri-san?”

Kirigiri’s gaze sweeps over him. He shrinks on himself, wings clamping.

“Hinata-kun,” she said. “I should be asking that. You look terrified.”

“J... Just nervous...” He averts his gaze quickly. “You don’t really talk to me, so... I’m not exactly sure how I should react here.”

That much was true, at least. Kirigiri even nodded along, brushing back her braid with gloved fingers.

“It is alright.” Her head tilts, expression unchanging. “I am merely making conversation. As I said, you have been rather curious as of late. Studying quite diligently, at that. But, of course, you need not be an angel of diligence to act diligently. I’m not concerned about that, Hinata-kun.”

_And yet, you seem to be making it your business. You’re not the kind of person to make mere conversation, Kirigiri-san._

Hinata bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Mercifully, Kirigiri didn’t comment on that. Instead, she hummed and twirled that lilac braid around her fingers.

“I should say... Kamukura Izuru has been under scrutiny as of late, and it would be a shame if you got needlessly involved with that, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

_Kamukura-sama is...?_

“There have been concerns over whether or not he has been training you properly,” Kirigiri went on. “After all, you have only been on one hunting mission.”

Hinata stiffened at that.

“I...just...”

“I told the higher-ups that it was nothing to be concerned over,” she said. “After all, you are an angel of compassion. Those are not always combat-oriented. So, I presume Kamukura-kun has been giving you other work, correct?”

“Paperwork...yeah.” Hinata’s voice is low and quiet. “I can manage that, alright. So there’s nothing to be concerned with. I can just do paperwork for the rest of my existence. What _ever_. Like it really _matters_.”

“You would not rather go for higher?” Kirigiri asked. “Something more ambitious, perhaps? It is unlike you to be content with menial tasks.”

“It doesn’t really matter,” he repeated. “I just... Look, Kirigiri-san, with all due respect, I don’t... I don’t want to talk about this.”

_Komaeda... I can’t stretch myself too thin because I won’t be able to protect Komaeda..._

Kirigiri was quiet, her stare boring into him. Stubbornly, Hinata kept his head down and his expression steeled.

_I have to protect Komaeda, no matter what._

“...Hinata-kun.”

“...yes, Kirigiri-san?”

Just like that, Kirigiri smiles simply.

“Give Kamukura-kun my regards.”

Hinata nodded.

“Yes, Kirigiri-san.” He takes the book from the table, clutching it close. “I’ll go do that. Best regards.”

* * *

_There’s no way around it. That was an utterly terrifying experience._

Fuck, his heart wouldn’t stop pounding.

_That could’ve gone so, so much worse. Thank fucking god that it didn’t. Kirigiri-san didn’t ask too many questions... Although the ones she did ask..._

Hinata’s expression darkened, but he pushed it out of his mind as he continued to stride on ahead.

_That’s something that I’ll have to discuss with Kamukura-sama. But it has nothing to do with Komaeda. I should be grateful for that... I should be grateful..._

And yet, he still finds himself to be just so _bothered_.

_Is it really any of their business how Kamukura-sama takes care of me?! I...! No... It is. It always has been. That’s just how things are, here. We’re not like demons, after all. In times like these, I really envy those pests._

But it was best not to dwell on such things. Both for his own sake...and for Komaeda’s.

_Komaeda..._

“Kamukura-sama,” Hinata says, shoving the door open. “Kirigiri-san mentioned something to me...”

No answer. The room was empty.

“Kamukura-sama...?”

Hinata looked around, and then he let out an annoyed huff.

“I guess I’ll just write a damn memo or something.”

_This is probably for the better. I’m not exactly in the mood to talk right now._

For now, he sets his book with the others, arranging them carefully. His current collection of amassed texts on fallens looked to be untouched, at least, even though Kamukura Izuru would most certainly know how to make it appear so.

_But paranoia won’t get me anywhere, and...he hasn’t really pressed the matter from before._

He shouldn’t dwell on it.

_For Komaeda’s sake, I have to keep a clear head to the best of my abilities._

* * *

“Welcome home, Hinata-kun!”

“...hey.”

“Oh, dear. You look exhausted again.”

“Yeah.” That one word had Komaeda’s frown deepening. Hinata heaved out a heavy sigh, rubbing irritably at his nape. “Look, it’s just... It’s just stuff. I have a lot of stuff to deal with, Komaeda.”

“I’m aware,” Komaeda says, smiling almost pitifully. “Especially since I’m an issue, too.”

“You’re not an issue.” He can barely keep himself from snapping. “You’re... You’re more than that. I swear it.”

It really was painful how unconvinced Komaeda looked, even if Komaeda just nods with that blank gaze of his.

“I swear it,” Hinata repeated, almost desperately. “I... I...”

Komaeda takes his shoulders, and just like that, his legs go weak and his wings can only somewhat keep his body upright with their fluttering. Hinata ended up slumping into Komaeda’s supportive figure, cheek pressed against Komaeda’s shoulder.

“You need more rest,” Komaeda said. “Do angels get vacation days?”

“Of _course_ we do,” Hinata grumbled. “We’re not robots. No living creature can work day in and day out without taking a break every now and then.”

“Ah. I see.” A pause. “Then, why haven’t you taken a break, yet, Hinata-kun? Don’t tell me... Are you a workaholic? That’s not healthy at all!”

“It’s not like that, it’s...” _For your sake, I feel like I can’t relax for a moment. But like hell I can say that._ “It’s complicated, Komaeda, don’t worry about it.”

“How can I _not_ worry?!”

Komaeda takes Hinata’s face into his hands, palms pressing hard into his cheeks as he leaned in, brows furrowing and lips pursing.

“Even if you’re immortal, I can’t imagine overworking yourself to be good on your mental health. In fact... Hinata-kun’s really fragile in that sense!”

“W-Who’s fragile?” Hinata hissed, slurring the words a little. “I told ya, it’s...”

Komaeda pinched his cheeks and pulled, stretching the skin like mochi and making Hinata yelp.

“No excuses!” he exclaimed. “Break! Break! Hinata-kun needs a break!!”

“A-Ack! Fine, fine! Fuck! I get it!”

“Also language...! You’re an angel so you really shouldn’t speak so vulgarly...!”

“S-Shut up...! Only the most sadistic of demons would forbid cursing!”

“Ehhh? Is that so?”

“It’s so! Let _go_!!”

“Okay.” Komaeda let go, and Hinata’s face snapped back into shape. He was left wincing and rubbing at his cheeks with a low whine as Komaeda grinned up at him, ever innocent and sweet-tempered. “You are taking a break, right, Hinata-kun?”

“Urgh... Yeah...” Hinata rolled his eyes. “But only because you’re so incessant on it.”

Komaeda giggled.

_...maybe he’s actually the demon half after all... Aah, but it’s not like there’s any point in asking Komaeda about that when he doesn’t remember anything._

Not to mention that he just doesn’t want to think about that text.

Sighing, he brushes back Komaeda to slump face-first onto the couch, letting his arm dangle over the edge.

“I really am so beyond exhausted. So I guess taking a break would be better, huh...”

“Of course!” Komaeda chirped and skipped over to him. “Oh, Hinata-kun... Would you like a massage? It might help you relax a little bit more.”

Hinata thought it over, biting his tongue.

“Nnn...” His shoulders really did hurt a little... “Mmgh. Fine. Whatever. Go for it.”

He couldn’t see Komaeda’s face, but he could tell that the other was beaming just from that happy sound he made.

_...even when I can only hear him, Komaeda really is cute, huh..._

It really was dangerous, Hinata couldn’t help but think.

But not as dangerous as Komaeda’s thumbs pressing hard into the knots of his back.

“A-Aah...!”

“Sorry, sorry!” Komaeda exclaimed and lessened the pressure a little, but continued kneading down, twisting his wrists in hypnotic movements. “Too rough? I can go lighter, Hinata-kun...”

Hinata hissed, but kept quiet, burying his face in the cushion.

“This would probably be better on the bed,” Komaeda murmured, feeling up Hinata’s backs for other knots and sensitive spots. “The couch is a little awkward. Do you want to move?”

“N-Not really,” Hinata managed to squeak. “I-I really kinda don’t.”

Komaeda hummed thoughtfully at that.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll try to do my best.”

“Y-You do that...”

“Mm...” Komaeda continued, making Hinata groan at the ministrations. A smile fluttered to Komaeda’s lips. “You really are so hardworking. Are you sure you’re not an angel of diligence?”

“P... Pretty sure... Urgh...”

Hinata flinched when Komaeda’s knuckles dug into his shoulders.

“So many knots... I’m sorry, Hinata-kun. But this is your own fault. You should’ve taken it easier.”

“I know...” A sigh. “I-I know...”

Despite the flinch, Hinata found his eyelashes fluttering. Komaeda was being pretty diligent in working out the knots, so it was getting easier and easier to just relax.

_But I can’t really slack off. Not when Komaeda’s life is at risk. I...have to..._

Komaeda squeezes his shoulders.

_I have to...what? What can I even...?_

Komaeda presses down along his spine.

_Either way... I can’t..._

“Hinata-kun, your feathers are so ruffled.” Komaeda’s fingers comb through, and it’s a strange sensation that sends fluttery feelings throughout. Hinata gasps shortly, but then his eyes begin to droop. “You really should preen more often.”

He can only sigh. Komaeda sighs, too, exasperated and fond.

“They’re such pretty wings. You really should take better care of them.”

Komaeda smooths down his feathers, taking care to squeeze and knead in the places where it was necessary.

“...Hinata-kun.”

Just as Hinata was starting to drift, Komaeda spoke up.

“Hey, Hinata-kun... Take me on a date tomorrow.”

Hinata blinked, dazed and dreary-eyed.

“...date?”

“A date,” Komaeda affirms, but he doesn’t cease his movements. “Because I don’t think sitting around in the house is good for you either. You really should just go out and do something, but you’re too worried to leave me home alone, aren’t you?”

“Y...Yeah...”

“So I can just go with you!” Komaeda chirped. “I can be extra, extra careful, Hinata-kun! Don’t worry! Just one day out... It won’t be bad. I think it’ll be good for both of us. And besides... Dates are a good way to _relax_ , right?”

Hinata didn’t really know, but that sounded about right. He was too tired to think further on the matter, so...

“Let’s go on a date,” Komaeda whispers soothingly to him, squeezing yet again. “Please? Please, Hinata-kun?”

“I... Okay...” Hinata yawns. “I...okay. Sleep... Sleep first.”

“Sleep first.”

With that, Hinata falls asleep just as Komaeda’s giggling fades out.

* * *

“Red...or green? I like both of these colors a lot... Ooh, but I should maybe take a coat since it’ll be chilly. I’ll already be using up energy to hide my wings... Hinata-kun, what do you think?”

“I don’t...think.” _I seriously can’t begin to think right now._ “I’m just...really bad at using my brain and I should accept that.”

“You’ve been in shock ever since you woke up,” Komaeda observes worriedly. “Are you really alright, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata breathes in. He breathes out.

“...not particularly,” he admits, rubbing at his temples. “But, y’know, I think I’ve managed to cope a little. It’s pretty unfair of me, isn’t it, to be like this when I’m not the one who...” He trails off. “Y-You know.”

“You really are a funny person, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda chuckled. He holds up a green coat. “Hey, can I wear this?”

“You can have it if you want,” Hinata said, waving his hand. “I can just buy more clothes. I have money saved up and... I could probably get a job if I ever needed more.”

He should probably get dressed as well, so he rummages through his drawers, wings twitching anxiously as he did.

_All this time... And I’m still a bundle of nerves. It’s irritating. Komaeda smiles without a care, and I’m in a constant state of stress. Just what the hell is wrong with me? There’s no way I can protect Komaeda like this._

He goes to the bathroom to change, but also mostly to splash water on his face.

_I can do this. I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I can keep a good eye on things. I can’t keep Komaeda just in my house forever anyway. It’s not like... I’ve never been visited before..._

Hinata swallowed, drying off his face and heaving.

There are a few knocks on the door.

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says, the sound a bit muffled. “If you really don’t feel up to it, we don’t have to...”

“No.” Hinata doesn’t miss a beat. “No, Komaeda, it’s fine. I can manage this much, don’t you worry.”

Hinata pulled on his shirt, smoothing it down.

“...I-I can do this.”

* * *

“It’s going to be cold, so cover yourself up, alright?” Hinata wrapped the scarf around him, tucking it in and buttoning up his coat. “You may not be human, but you’re still pretty fragile, right?”

“All I said was that I get cold easily...” Still, Komaeda is cheerful as Hinata folds back the cuffs of his sleeves. “Hinata-kun’s so fussy!”

“S-Shut up, I’m just being careful...!”

Hinata flushed as Komaeda pecked his nose.

“You’re really cute,” he says. “I love that carefulness about you, Hinata-kun.”

His heart very well could’ve burst from his chest if he didn’t immediately get a handle on things.

“L-Let’s just go, Komaeda.”

_Brilliant. Perfect. Kamukura-sama would be proud._

**_Never mind that I’m the biggest disappointment Kamukura-sama has ever known. But what the hell ever._ **

He takes Komaeda’s hand and squeezes. It’s cold in his grip, but hopefully it would warm up soon enough. All the same, the two of them walked, with Komaeda being the one to tug him along.

“I was actually looking up articles from some magazines,” he was saying. “About ideal and effective date spots! And I’ve watched several romantic comedies! We’ll break up dramatically and have an emotional reconciliation before the night is over, for sure!”

“Actually, let’s not do that,” Hinata replied, snorting. “There’s no need for it. That kind of thing typically doesn’t happen in real life anyway.”

_I would assume. But humans can be...weird. And erratic. And fickle. They’re more like demons, in that sense._

Whatever.

“First stop: a movie!” Komaeda exclaims. “I want to watch the one with the train.”

“...wasn’t that a murder mystery?”

“It looks interesting,” Komaeda said cheerfully. “Trains are big and scary, but they’re really exciting, too.”

Hinata shrugs. “Yeah, I suppose...”

_Maybe this won’t be so bad. I should be thankful we’re going to see something Komaeda actually wants to see._

“...there’s one thing I’m worried about, Hinata-kun.”

“Ah, yeah?” Hinata perked up. “What is it?”

Komaeda presses a little closer to him, pausing for a moment in his step. Hinata, too, stops as Komaeda hesitates.

“Komaeda...?”

“I’ve...actually never been in a movie theater before.” Sheepishly, Komaeda plays with his hair. “Is it loud? Blinding, perhaps?”

_Oh._

“It’s pretty startling at first,” Hinata said. “It’s definitely different from just watching it at home, but it’s not too bad. If you get overwhelmed, that’s alright. We can do something else.” He offers a comforting smile. “When the movie comes out on DVD, I’ll be sure to buy it. We might even be able to stream it.”

“I want this date to go well,” Komaeda mutters.

“As long as we’re together, I think we’ll be fine.”

Komaeda meets his gaze as Hinata squeezes his hand, Hinata’s cheeks pinking.

“...that’s so cheesy!” Komaeda gasped. “Hinata-kun really is just like the hero of a romantic comedy! That’s incredible!”

Hinata very nearly balked.

“I-I was just...”

Komaeda kisses his cheek, sending his face aflame.

“Come on,” Komaeda laughs, pulling him along. “Or we’ll miss the movie!”

“O-Oi, Komaeda...!”

Any protest he could make fell apart under the blinding light of Komaeda’s smile.

* * *

In the end, the movie was definitely interesting, though Hinata found himself far more interested in the expressions of awe and intense focus on Komaeda’s face. Komaeda was so enthralled that he didn’t even notice the few times Hinata stole some sips from his drink.

It was loud, cold, and pretty dark in the theater, but... The audience was quiet, the two of them were pressed close together to share warmth, and Komaeda’s eyes were a twinkling light in addition to the screen.

In the end, Hinata probably didn’t pay as much attention to the movie as he should’ve, and the ending really threw him for a whirl.

“I... Uh... Well that was good, I think.”

Komaeda snorted.

“B-But I mean! Even if I didn’t really understand what was going on, it was still pretty neat!” Hinata scrambled to exclaim. “I got the gist of the premise and I think I understood the conclusion! The motivations were interesting! I got where they were all coming from! It was really sad, but... Uh...”

Komaeda’s cheeky smile didn’t fade, and instead he only seemed more amused as he tossed away his cup.

“I’m not surprised something like that would speak to you,” he said. “You’re _compassionate_ , after all.”

Komaeda said that word like it was such an invaluable thing, which was a little embarrassing.

_But... I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me weirdly happy._

“If you find out about another movie that might interest you,” Hinata murmurs, sheepishly averting his gaze and rubbing at his nape. “I wouldn’t mind finding time to take you to go see it, Komaeda.”

Komaeda perked at that, head tilting and smile brightening even more.

“Thank you!” He turns on his heel so that Hinata only catches a glimpse of those pale cheeks darkening. “We really should get something to eat. It’s not like we had any snacks during the movie, haha!”

“Ah... Right.”

_Cute..._

* * *

“Don’t worry about price. Just order whatever you want, alright, Komaeda?”

“Then I’ll take...” Komaeda reads through the menu and lights up. “Fries! I’ll have the fries!”

“That’s not really much of a meal,” Hinata mused. “But if you’re going to order that, I guess I might as well have the hamburger with it.”

“I like salty foods,” Komaeda chirps. “Fries are super salty.”

“Mm, kay.”

Hinata waved over a waiter, ordering their food, getting himself a water as Komaeda asked for more soda. Unsurprising, considering Komaeda could guzzle down soda by the liter, as Hinata had learned in all their time together.

_Komaeda’s a bit of a food junkie. If he were human, I’d tell him to take it easy._

**_Human..._ **

All around, Hinata could see that he wasn’t the only one on a date. There were several pairs of humans on dates, all of them either chatting, smiling, or eating contently. There was an easy air all around, the hominess of the diner with its specks of color in the walls and tiles. Outside, there, too, was a world full of people going about their day, sometimes hand in hand or arm in arm.

_Right now, we’re just another pair on a date. As if everything about this is normal. Acceptable, even._

It was strange—but not an unwelcome strange. A strangeness that was still tinged with wistfulness and longing, but... With the two of them together like this, it wasn’t so bad.

Komaeda in particular seemed to be very interested in folding the napkins into paper cranes, pausing only to take a sip from his drink. The corner of Hinata’s lips twisted and tugged, but all the same, he spoke up in a low, light voice.

“Mind if I try?”

“Oh, of course!” Komaeda eagerly shoved a few napkins into his hand. “Just try and follow my movements. It’s not too hard once you get the hang of it.”

“Got it...”

He says that but what he ended up with after his first attempt was less a crane and more a sad crumble. Komaeda didn’t laugh, at least, instead encouraging him to try again. And again. And again.

Until their food arrived and Hinata forced himself to stop.

“W-We shouldn’t waste all these napkins.”

“Ooh, that’s true, that’s true.”

Still, he was irritated, biting into his burger as he mulled over it. Komaeda was content with his fries, at least.

“Ah, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda brushes a thumb against the corner of his lips. “A bit of ketchup. Ehe. You’re such a messy eater.”

Flustered, Hinata swallowed and grumbled. “It’s a burger. How am I supposed to eat it cleanly?”

“Tearing it into small pieces, maybe?” Komaeda suggested cheerfully. “But maybe that’d be a little too tedious.”

Hinata huffed and broke his burger in half, and then tore off a small piece, popping it into his mouth.

“...Like that?”

Komaeda gasped in awe before clapping with delight.

“Bravo, bravo!”

“Y-You really don’t need to overdo it like that!” Hinata sputtered, nearly choking. Komaeda only laughed as Hinata downed his water, beating his chest a few times.

_Komaeda’s really enjoying himself right now, at least. Isn’t that what’s important?_

Never mind that they’re out in the open like this for both their sakes. He’s supposed to be relaxing. And, honestly, even though Komaeda’s teasing him...

_I guess... I’m having fun._

There was an easy air all around. There’s a subdued sparkle to the scene. Komaeda’s picking out crumbs from his mint green scarf. There’s a light, subtle sweetness to this moment’s flavor.

_I’m definitely having fun, and I wish something like this could last._

But that’s impossible, isn’t it?

**_...how despairing._ **

Komaeda met his gaze and gave him a carefree smile, and that was enough for now.

* * *

“Ooh! Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun, aren’t they _beautiful_?!”

“They sure are...” Gaping at him. With dead eyes. It’s beyond creepy. “They’re very orange.”

“They’re golden, not orange!” Komaeda corrected him sharply. “They’re called golden on the nature channel!”

“Is that so...?” _Is that the kind of stuff Komaeda watches when I’m gone?_ “Do you want to feed them?”

“Yes! Yes, please!”

It really was something how Komaeda could bounce so easily from stern and scolding to wide-eyed glittering innocence. Chuckling lightly, Hinata shrugged his shoulders over it and went to buy a bag of food pellets. He might as well get himself some canned juice while he’s at it.

All while Komaeda is cooing over the fish which are gaping back at him, opening their mouths impatiently.

_Normal moments like this can’t last. If the higher ups knew about this, getting my wings shredded would only be the first step. It’s forbidden to approach a fallen in the first place if you aren’t authorized. They’re too dangerous. And, yet._

“Oi, Komaeda, don’t lean in too much! You’ll fall in and scare them all away!”

“A-Ah, right!”

_It’s forbidden..._

And, still, he walks back, giving Komaeda the bag of fish food. Komaeda thanks him so graciously, and doesn’t even miss a beat in flicking the pellets. He giggles as the koi swarm for nothing more than small bites.

“Their scales sparkle in the sun...the way they catch light...” Komaeda sighs wistfully. “I could watch them forever.”

“They don’t live forever,” Hinata said.

_This kind of relationship can’t last forever._

“I guess that’s what makes them so special,” Komaeda replied. “Fleeting beauty is an incredible beauty, I think.”

Hinata was quiet at first.

“...I suppose.”

Komaeda frowns.

“You don’t look too terribly sure, Hinata-kun.”

_Ah. Komaeda’s much more perceptive than he looks._

Hinata averts his gaze, keeping his voice quiet.

“I just don’t think about stuff like that. Don’t worry about it.”

Komaeda’s frown deepens and he offers the rest of the food bag.

“Do you want to try? Or have you already?”

A rueful smile pulling at his lips, Hinata could only gently push the bag back, shaking his head.

“It’s fine. Really. I’m alright. So please...don’t worry.”

_Please keep smiling, Komaeda._

“I... Okay...” Komaeda nods and smiles again. “But that’s your last chance! If you change your mind, you’ll have to buy your own bag!”

“Heh, I would’ve done that anyway, Komaeda.”

Komaeda sticks out his tongue and resumes tossing out the pellets, humming as he does. For a moment, everything’s calm again. Content. A comfortable illusion of normalcy.

It’s so pleasant that it’s painful. But Komaeda, at least, is in high spirits.

Hinata relaxes a little.

_It might just be best to enjoy it while I can._

Komaeda gets splashed, and he can’t help but laugh. Komaeda shoots him a glare, he waves his hands apologetically, and Komaeda turns away with an offended huff.

It’s nice. It’s really nice. He could get used to this, even though he knows that it’s implausible at best. For now, he’s content to watch.

His phone vibrates, and just like that, Hinata freezes up. Komaeda, distracted by the fish, doesn’t notice. Hinata hesitates, fingers twitching as his phone buzzes.

His heart is pounding. His ears are ringing.

_...I need to answer. I **have** to answer._

He nearly drops his phone, hands shaking badly, but quickly swallows and steels himself. He accepts the call, mind still going a mile per minute as he manages a response.

“K... Kamukura-sama...? Right?”

_“Hinata Hajime. I apologize for calling you on your break.”_

“A-Ah, no, no.” He shakes his head furiously, useless as the gesture was. He glances nervously towards Komaeda, mildly grateful that Komaeda still hadn’t noticed anything amiss. Taking a deep breath, Hinata turned away, trying to fixate on one of the park signs instead. “It’s not like you to call me, Kamukura-sama. I... Is everything alright?”

_The unusualness of this situation alone gives me good reason to be nervous, at least. I can use that as a good excuse. Hopefully._

_“Nothing is amiss,”_ Kamukura says. _“However, I must inquire if you are at your place of residence.”_

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

_Oh... Oh no._

“I’m out right now... Why?”

_“I need to deliver some papers. You filed them improperly.”_

Shit. **Fuck**.

“O-Oh, did I? Whoops. I... I guess I wasn’t paying good enough attention. Um. I’m gonna take a while though, so you can just drop them off while I’m out.” _No good. That sounds too suspicious._ “I probably should show up in person though, huh? I can do that. It’ll be quick, right?”

_“I would like to converse with you,”_ Kamukura said. _“I do not get much time to. I also need to report on your condition. You have been increasingly distracted and erratic as of late.”_

Hinata felt cold. Very, very cold.

“...have I really?”

His own voice sounded distant.

_“Is everything alright?”_ Kamukura asked. His tone is cool, almost patient. At an earlier point, Hinata would’ve been so touched by the show of concern that he’d be brought to tears. Well, then again... He still feels like crying but for a completely different reason. _“If something ails you, Hinata Hajime, you should inform me at once.”_

“I... It’s nothing... Really. Don’t worry about it, Kamukura-sama.”

He almost felt sick. Especially with Kamukura’s soft hum on the other line.

_“Very well. Then I shall see you soon. Please return to your residence at once, Hinata Hajime.”_

“Understood.”

“Hinata-kun? Hinata-kun, what’s wrong?”

When he hung up, Komaeda was closer than he expected and frowning at him.

“That seemed to be a pretty serious conversation,” he said. “Do you need to return to work? I can just head home in that case.”

“No. No...” Hinata nearly crushed his phone trying to shove it back into his pocket. “N-No, Kamukura-sama is going to be there, you can’t... I-I have to...find someplace else for you to stay... That’s fine, right? That should be fine, right?”

Komaeda’s frown deepened.

“You shouldn’t have to go through so much trouble just for my sake.”

Hinata bit his tongue.

“I’m just one fallen. But Hinata-kun’s an angel. You’re much more important than I am. Maybe...we can go together to meet Kamukura-kun. I can tell him that I tricked you, maybe, so that you won’t be in trouble...”

Hinata tasted blood.

“I really enjoyed today. When I’m this happy, I should hurry up and...”

“Shut. Up. Just shut the _hell_ up.”

Komaeda does as Hinata growls.

“Much more important? When you’re this happy? Just what the hell are you even saying?” Hinata glared at him, gritting his teeth. “Is it even possible to make you want to live? Even a little?”

Komaeda’s face falls, expression breaking to unidentifiable pieces.

“...isn’t it...wrong for me to...?”

“It’s _not_!” He very nearly screamed it. “Like hell it would be! I... Komaeda... Nagito...”

Komaeda shivered, briefly.

“Nagito,” Hinata said again. “ I...” He shook his head. “There’s...other places you can stay. I can pay for a few nights, maybe even more if I need to. C’mon, we need to hurry. Kamukura-sama shouldn’t be kept waiting.”

He takes Komaeda’s hand, squeezes, and pulls him along. Komaeda didn’t say a word the entire time. He was quiet even when Hinata found a motel for him to stay at, keeping his head down and his gaze lowered as he sat in the lobby.

“I think... Maybe four nights?” Hinata rubbed anxiously at the back of his head. “Four. Four’s a good number, right?”

_It probably isn’t._

Komaeda wasn’t exactly there to say anything, and the employee just imputed the number and calculated the price.

“If more is necessary, it’s whatever,” Hinata muttered to no one. “Whatever.”

_I just want to keep Nagito safe. At all costs. Money is nothing to someone like me._

He pays for it, getting the card keys and returning to the lobby so that he could hand them over to Komaeda. Komaeda was still quiet, even as Hinata offered him a small, apologetic smile.

“I can drop some clothes off, if you want,” he said. He pulled out extra money. “O-Or you can just buy whatever, right? It’s fine, it’s fine. Money’s uh, not an issue, after all.”

“I don’t like having to rely so much on you, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda replied. “You’re giving and risking just way too much.”

Hinata flinched but shoved the notes into his hand anyway.

“It’s not too much,” he mumbled. “At least, I don’t think so. Not for you.”

Komaeda bit his lip briefly before sighing.

“This won’t be the last time I see you, right? You’re the first person who was ever so kind to me. If something happened to you, I really don’t know how I’d continue on, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata smiled, the corner twisting before he leaned in and kissed Komaeda’s cheek.

“Don’t worry about that, Nagito.”

“But how can I not?”

Komaeda was pouting so adorably. It really was so cute that it hurt.

“...I’ll definitely see you later. Promise.” He held up his pinky. “Alright?”

“Alright...” Komaeda hardly seemed convinced. “Then you need to hurry. After all... He mustn’t be kept waiting.”

A shiver went through his spine, but Hinata nodded all the same.

“Y... Yeah.”

Komaeda kissed him briefly.

“See you, Hinata-kun.”

It had been soft and fleeting. But, at least it had been something.

* * *

It shouldn’t have surprised him in the slightest that he found Kamukura Izuru already in his home. He had made himself comfortable, too, having prepared tea and was pouring them both cups.

“I was not waiting long,” he said. “So you need not worry, Hinata Hajime.”

“I-I see...” Hinata turned away quickly to hang up his coat, fiddling with his shirt collar, finding it to be too restrictive. “Still, I, uh, sorry. I should’ve been here to greet you, at least. I think.”

_It’s been awhile since being around Kamukura-sama left me feeling this nervous. How long?_

“You need not worry,” Kamukura repeated. “I left the paperwork on your desk. You should take a seat.”

And so he does, taking the cup and sipping at it tentatively. It burns his tongue a little.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked. “It’s—I already said I was fine. Do you not believe me, or...?”

“I was wondering if you knew,” Kamukura said.

Hinata perked up, blinking.

“...knew what?” His head tilts. “What are you talking about, Kamukura-sama?”

Kamukura stares at him, and then his gaze averts. He does not answer.

_Ah, huh? Hey, why is Kamukura-sama the one acting like he has something to hide?_

How confusing. But maybe it had something to do with his former partners? Of course he wasn’t ignorant to that—but it’s not like Hinata knew anything about the two other than their departure. It certainly wasn’t his place to ask.

_...and I always got the feeling it was a sore subject anyway. But maybe that has nothing to do with it. It’s just...the only thing I’ve ever imagined Kamukura-sama bringing up._

Not that he seems terribly interested in detailing what he meant. Hinata wondered if he should push him.

_I shouldn’t do that...for my own sake._

“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to, Kamukura-sama,” he ended up saying, sipping once more at his tea. It burned a little less the second time. “Still, you’re acting a bit weird.”

_Kamukura-sama’s never been the conversational type to start with._ _And even when he is, he’s usually pretty blunt. If there’s a problem, he’d tell me outright. So... It’s safe to assume that Nagito has nothing to do with this..._

**_Thank god for that._ **

“Should I not be the one saying that?” Kamukura asks, and he stiffens at that.

_I still can’t let down my guard._

“I’ve just...been studying... I definitely overdid it, but you know how I get.” He wondered if he should be grateful for those faults now. “I just... Is that a _problem_?”

“Not inherently, no,” Kamukura replied. “But... I cannot help but be curious. Where had this sudden fixation with fallens come from? Caution is simple enough, but this endeavor of yours seems to be increasingly personal, Hinata Hajime.”

_Aha. And just like that._

“I... It’s...” He couldn’t meet Kamukura’s gaze, knowing for a fact that those blood-red eyes would pierce right through him if given the opportunity. “It’s because... There’s a lot about our relationship with them that I don’t understand...”

He still can’t look, but somehow he just knows that Kamukura is raising an eyebrow at him. He shrinks in his seat.

“Such as...if fallens are really the monsters they’re portrayed as. I just... I can’t help but wonder about that. If we can work with demons, what makes fallen so...so different, I guess...?”

_That much is the truth. In that moment, I don’t think I had it in me to make up some story—but maybe I should have._

He couldn’t help but think of Komaeda.

“...hey, Kamukura-sama...have you ever even spoken to a fallen before?”

“No.” The answer was immediate. Cold enough to scald. “I have not. And such an act would be impermissible in the first place, Hinata Hajime.”

**_...seriously?_ **

“Really? Even _talking_ to them isn’t allowed? Killing is the only option?” He couldn’t help but be incredulous. “Just—how is that fair? How is that _balanced_?!”

“This conversation is taking an increasingly inadvisable route,” Kamukura said.

“That...” Hinata ended up slamming his hands on the table, rattling everything atop it. “That doesn’t answer my question at all!”

“Hinata Hajime...” Kamukura simply sighs. “That is enough. It would benefit you to stop yourself before you say something truly regrettable.”

_I can’t fucking believe this. You’re treating me like a child._

“My benefit?” He laughed mirthlessly at that. “Oh, please. As if just dropping the matter is going to make it disappear. You should know that better than anyone, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura remains quiet. He idly wipes away a speck of tea from the table.

“...don’t worry.”

Kamukura perks up, staring at him blankly.

“I’m not so dumb that I’d get this worked up with anyone else,” Hinata grumbled, folding his arms. “So unless you inform the higher ups yourself, I’m not going to get my wings ripped off for talking so treacherously.”

_I’d never be able to protect Nagito that way._

Komaeda Nagito, who he’s starting to realize he likes far, far too much.

_Nagito who’s eccentric, but...so innocent. And isn’t...a bad person at all. They’re wrong about you. They must be._

“I will not tell them,” Kamukura said. “I do not want that to happen, after all.”

Hinata’s grateful for that, at least.

But then, Kamukura goes on.

“I already know the cause of this behavior.”

_...eh?_

...

..

.

“What do you mean, Kamukura-sama?”

Before Hinata’s eyes, Kamukura pulled out a familiar ashen gray feather.

“Hajime,” he says so gently that it’s suffocating. “I _know_.”

“Oh,” Hinata says. It’s spoken so lightly even though everything’s falling apart. “I see.”

_Nagito._

The chair topples over. The table is kicked. Kamukura Izuru’s expression does not change, even when Hinata’s shaking fingers are wrapped around his neck.

“S-Spare him,” he manages, even as his fingers remain. He does not squeeze. Truth be told, he doesn’t even know if he could, but—“Please. _Please_. Don’t hurt him. I-I don’t... I don’t want...to fight you... B-But I’ll have to if you try to...” His tongue feels like mush, and yet, he manages. “I just... I-I just...!”

It stings. Tears are dripping down his face, landing on Kamukura’s cheeks. It _stings_.

“I know what I’m doing is treacherous but... It’s not right. There’s nothing okay about killing so indiscriminately. I won’t... I’m not going to stand by watching you kill someone who hasn’t _done anything_.”

It stings. Hinata chokes on a sob.

Kamukura pries his grip off so easily, gripping his wrists in one hand. It would’ve been so easy. Hinata can’t help but curse it.

_Nagito... Nagito..._

“I’m not going to hurt him. I will help.”

Hinata snapped up immediately, shivering with hope and dread.

“...do you mean that?”

“I do.” As always, there’s not even a second of hesitation. “What is his name?”

“Nagito.” Sighing, Hinata slumps in exhaustion and relief. “Komaeda Nagito. He... He really isn’t a bad guy. If anything, he’s better than a lot of the other beings I’ve met.”

“I see.”

_Do you?_ _No, that doesn’t matter as long as Nagito isn’t going to get hurt._

“You seem fond of him, Hinata Hajime.”

Annoyingly, it was a little flustering to have Kamukura point that out so bluntly.

“We’re close,” he huffed, glaring at him and just daring to be judged for it. “Like, _really_ close.”

“Close,” Kamukura echoed. “I see.”

“But that has nothing to do with it,” Hinata added. “I would’ve refused to let you hurt him even if I had no idea who he was. Because. When we first met... He just looked pitiful. Nothing like a monster.”

“I see.”

_Is that all Kamukura-sama has to say?_

Still, he’s grateful.

_Even if I’m also confused._

“Kamukura-sama...do you agree with me, then?” he asks. “With everything I said earlier, I mean?”

Kamukura lets go of his wrists, finally.

“I do not know. Truth be told, I do not...truly care.”

“You don’t care?” _It really doesn’t make any sense but—_ “I guess I just shouldn’t question it. You don’t have any reason to lie. And I would like to believe you, anyway.”

Kamukura doesn’t say anything in response to that, either.

_...Kamukura-sama...is the ideal angel and yet..._

“With that. All matters I have wanted to discuss have been settled.” Kamukura stands up, startling him. He flips his hair back as Hinata stares up at him. “Of course, I will meet up with him later. But not now. You have paperwork to re-file.”

“I... Yeah...” Hinata looks down, squeezing his hands into fists. “Thanks... Kamukura-sama. I really, really mean it. Please...don’t let this be a sick joke or something.”

“It is not,” he said. “But, I suppose it is understandable to be paranoid. You must have been obscuring your relationship for a while.”

Hinata could only nod.

“...for someone you did not even know.” Kamukura’s tone grew quiet. “You may not be a good angel, but you are a good person, Hinata Hajime.”

Hinata flinched, but shook his head.

“If being a good angel means killing someone like Nagito, then I don’t want to be one. It’s _wrong_. We’re better than that,” he said. “We _should_ be better than that.”

“...”

Kamukura turned away from him.

“I shall see you, Hinata Hajime.”

And just like that, he disappeared, leaving behind a flurry of feathers. Hinata gathered them up to dispose of them properly, quiet and contemplative.

_...so that was that. Kamukura-sama knows now. He said he’d help._

He plopped himself down at the table, staring holes into the files before reaching out and flipping through one.

_Nagito... I wonder what he’ll think? I wonder...what he thinks. Kamukura-sama and Nagito are both tight-lipped._

...what if he ran off again?

Cringing, Hinata hurriedly whipped out his phone, dialing the other.

A few rings. Komaeda picked up.

_“Oh, Hinata-kun? Did everything go well?”_

Hinata let out a sigh of relief and a laugh escaped his lips.

“Ah, yeah... Yeah, uh. Actually, I’ve got good news about Kamukura-sama. He found out—but he agreed to help!” Just thinking about it now made him giddy. “Isn’t that great? Kamukura-sama will know what to do. Or, at least, he’ll figure it out. You’re going to be fine, Nagito...!”

There was a pause on the other end.

“...Nagito?”

_“You sound so happy, Hinata-kun.”_

“Huh?” Hinata blushed. “A-Ah, of course... I’m happy. This is something we should be happy about. Do you not...feel the same way, Nagito?”

_“Mm...”_ A hum. _“I’m happy you’re happy. Definitely.”_

“I see.” He isn’t that surprised, but it is a bit dampening to hear. “It’s alright. Things are really confusing on your end, after all. Hell, I’m pretty confused myself. I just wanted to check up on you and let you know. I didn’t want you to worry.”

_“Are you sure it’s not because_ you _were worried, Hinata-kun?”_

“That was part of it, too, yeah,” Hinata admitted. “But that’s just how it is, for me. I can’t just not worry about you. That’s how it’s always been.”

_“...ehe.”_ It’s a soft sound. _“I resent that about you. But I just about love everything else, so I guess it’s alright.”_

“I... Huh?” He almost didn’t register that. “Come again?”

_“I love you,”_ Komaeda said. _“Next time we see each other, I’ll say it again if you want. Later, Hinata-kun.”_

“Oh... Later... Yeah.”

Just like that, Komaeda hangs up.

* * *

_“I love you.”_

**_Love...?_ **

He knew what love was, of course. Love was absolute and true, all-consuming and all-encompassing. Love was—only meant for everyone. To have it restricted to one person was a bad thing. Something like that.

Angels aren’t supposed to fall in love. They aren’t supposed to love. Not like that. That kind of love is...prohibited. It’s a hindrance. It’s blinding.

But it wasn’t like their intimate relationship was purely platonic. They kissed and cuddled after all, but that was...

_That was...different. Angels don’t... They’re not like humans. Not like that._

Hinata swallows.

_But...when Nagito said that... I... I feel like I should’ve said the words back? Argh, this is just way too complicated! And more to the point—!_

“I really should get this filing done! I’ve just been sitting here doing nothing for...!” He checked the clock. “ _Way_ too long! Fuck!”

_A lot has happened in a short time frame. For someone immortal, that’s pretty incredible, isn’t it?_

He should focus. He needs to focus.

“Right. _Right_.”


	3. Forget-Me-Nots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleeting and fragile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of two pretty short chapters, comparatively speaking.
> 
> Flashback chapters are honestly fun stuff. I don't get to write them very often...because I don't really write long-fics. I honestly am a little sad I didn't do more here but considering how much of a struggle this was, it might not've even been possible. Whomp, whomp.

“They finally bloomed. Isn’t that such a wonderful thing?”

Humming while delicate fingers began to arrange the flowers, seeking the best composition.

“After this, they’ll start wilting. After they die, we can bury them and begin life anew. Isn’t that such a _beautiful_ thing?”

A bright smile.

“Kamukura-sama, are you even listening?”

“I was. Such matters are unimportant and irrelevant, Komaeda Nagito.”

Unsurprisingly, Komaeda Nagito puffs his cheeks out at him, and they’re rosy pink just like the tips of his wings.

“The cycle of beauty is definitely important,” he huffs. “Just as light and hope are. Just because it’s not directly tied to our duties doesn’t make it insignificant.”

He plucks out one of the flowers, twisting it between his fingers. The petals are pure white. Smiling, Komaeda walks up to him and tucks the flower into his hair.

“This world is such a wonderful thing. Living. Dying. Starting anew. Never truly ending, just like our own, but so, so different in how it’s always changing. It’s no wonder we work so hard to protect it!” Komaeda beams. “We must never forget this, Kamukura-sama! That’s what I think!”

Kamukura pulls the flower from his hair.

“...change, I suppose, is interesting,” he concedes. “But we must not allow ourselves to be distracted from our duties, Komaeda Nagito.”

“I understand, Kamukura-sama.” Komaeda ducks his head respectfully, but that calm smile remains. “For an angel of temperance, Kamukura-sama is very diligent. It’s incredible. You really are brilliant!”

“You are, as well,” Kamukura replied coolly. “Though you can also be eccentric.”

Komaeda giggles into his hand.

“That’s such a kind word to use. Kamukura-sama really is a kind person.”

_Kind..._

“That’s why I worry,” Komaeda goes on. “I don’t want Kamukura-sama’s brilliance to dull, after all.”

...perhaps, he was a bit tired. And so perhaps, he should take a break.

“This flower is a jasmine, correct?”

“Correct!” Komaeda chirped, clapping his hands in delight. His eyes were sparkling. “Are you curious about them, Kamukura-sama?”

“A short break will suffice,” Kamukura said. “But it must not be for long. Matsuda Yasuke would get irritated, after all.”

“You’re right, you’re right! But you should still enjoy that time to your fullest!” Komaeda takes his hand and pulls. “Kamukura-sama, let’s get going!”

Kamukura could only nod as he was tugged along.

“...very well.”

* * *

“Flowers, I think, are at their most beautiful when they wilt.”

“Is that so?”

“Of course,” Komaeda says. He’s entwining stems of various flowers. “Being able to return to the earth and give back the life which you received...for new life to begin from that... I think it’s beautiful beyond comprehension.”

“Are these really the matters you continually mull over, Komaeda Nagito?” he asked.

Smiling, Komaeda simply places the crown of flowers atop Kamukura’s head.

“If I am to live forever, I should fill the time with _something_. But I do believe the things I say.”

Kamukura does not doubt that. Komaeda Nagito is someone who is sincere above all else. It is befitting, considering his section.

“They say love blossoms and blooms like a flower,” Komaeda recalls. “But I always found that to be such a strange comparison. True love does not die. But humans would argue otherwise—such fickle creatures!” A sigh. “I envy them sometimes.”

“Envy is a dangerous thing,” Kamukura reminded him sharply. Komaeda waved his hands quickly.

“Oh I know! Don’t worry, Kamukura-sama! I’m not going to fall over such a trivial matter!” he exclaims. “Don’t worry! I’ll never fall! I love everyone here too much!”

_Love..._

“Everyone? You do not have favorites?”

Komaeda flushes at that.

“A-Ah, um... Now who’s being dangerous? What a thing to ask.” He shakes his head. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. Such things should be kept secret!”

Kamukura nodded.

“Besides, _that_ would be the kind of capricious love that humans know so well,” Komaeda murmurs, turning his attention back to the flowers. “The kind that withers and dies. There’s still a beauty in that, but it’s a dangerous, poisonous beauty.”

Idly, Kamukura touches the flower crown still atop his head.

_Death is what gives life meaning. Is that not right?_

* * *

_It’s right, but it feels so wrong._

“Kamukura-sama... Kamukura-sama, please...”

So very, very **_wrong_**.

“K-Kamukura-sama...”

Others had given their apologies, of course. Condolences, reassurances, and then just...

_“Sometimes, these regrettable things just happen. You need not let it get to you. They just happen.”_

They just happen. And now—that person was gone forever. Angels did not get reborn. When an angel is destroyed, they are nothing more than _gone_. Even if they still existed in some form, they would not know who they were.

Komaeda squeezes his shoulders, and Komaeda tentatively presses into his back.

“Kamukura-sama...”

Komaeda’s arms wrap around him. Komaeda himself is warm, and then...

“I wish I could kill that wretched creature myself. How dare she. How _dare_ she.”

Grief. Anger. Fury. _Wrath_.

“These things happen,” Kamukura muttered blankly. “It is best to move on.”

“...I’m sorry, Kamukura-sama.” Komaeda shakes his head and then, he lets out a cold, empty laugh. “I don’t think I can. We can’t even touch her. That’s so unfair. If I have to become a demon to kill her, then...!”

* * *

“Then _so be it_ , right, Komaeda Nagito?”

* * *

The letter read as follows:

_By the time you read this, I probably...won’t be around anymore. I’m sorry, Kamukura-sama. I don’t think I can exist in this state. I’m just—way too angry!_

The handwriting is shaky, near illegible. But he can still understand it perfectly, because Komaeda Nagito’s handwriting has always been terrible. It’s expectable that such script would be worse when scribbled down in an emotional state.

_I’m a coward, so I couldn’t bring myself to meet up with you one last time. I don’t exactly want you to see me like this anyway. I feel sick. So very, very sick._

_~~When my wings burn, I can’t imagine how much worse it’ll be but—~~ _ ~~~~

The words were crossed out furiously to the point where the paper was a little torn.

_Don’t read that don’t **read** that. I shouldn’t have even written that._

_I’m writing this just...to let you know, I guess. I think you have the right to know. I don’t want you to worry about me, after all. Please don’t blame yourself either, Kamukura-sama._

_After all, It’s not your fault, it’s hers!_

_And she’s a wicked, wicked demon! She deserves to die! I don’t care what the higher ups say! If I have to burn my wings to get to her, then they’re but a small price to pay. So, please don’t blame yourself and please don’t worry about me anymore._

_You’re still a shining light among angels, Kamukura-sama. Someone like you absolutely must survive. I worry that she’ll get to you, too... All the more reason to destroy her! It really is a shame my wings have to burn so badly—but I’ll accept it. It’s necessary._

_Also..._

_Since we likely won’t see each other again, I suppose I can tell you a secret, aha._

_I actually do favor you to others, ehe. But... I favored that person a lot, too. You were both so kind to me. How could I not love you? But that’s wrong for angels, isn’t it? It’s just as wrong as being so angry that your wings burn._

_It really is so fortunate that I survived as long as I did to meet you. I was even luckier that you took notice of me! I’ll cherish these memories to the best of my ability!_

_If I’m really lucky, then, maybe I’ll be able to meet you as an angel again after all this is over. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Like the flower that wilts, dies, and is born anew..._

_..._

_I’m sorry. Thank you for everything. Please don’t blame yourself anymore._

* * *

It had been a considerable amount of time since then.

He had been to bars before, of course. Matsuda had been strangely fond of them. He bought him a drink before. Kamukura supposed that the bitterness was interesting, at least.

It had been nothing more than an impulse. And the bar seemed to be the kind of place Matsuda would have liked.

He should have avoided it—but instead he went inside and ordered whatever.

There was someone playing the piano. The inside was warm and dully lit in a way that was clearly meant to be inviting. Kamukura supposed there was charm to it. But he didn’t truly care one way or another.

He was more interested in testing whether or not an angel could get drunk. It would be interesting. It would be different. If possible.

It might numb things. If possible.

But it hadn’t seemed to be possible after he had quite a few. Instead, he just ended up exhausted and wanting to sleep. So he lied his head down and swirled around the ice in his cup.

_Every angel needs a break. This might not be the kind of break they meant. But what does it matter?_

He can already imagine Matsuda scolding him, telling something along the lines of—“Well what did you even _expect_ , Kamukura Izuru?”

_I didn’t expect anything. I just..._

He’s tired. He’s bored. Something like that. Right?

_Right?_

Someone tapped on his shoulder. He had expected that, truth be told. Humans and demons alike attend bars to pick up someone. Such things were forbidden for angels, however, so he needed to turn the other down firmly. He does not bother to raise his head, much less turn around.

“I am not interested.”

Another tap.

“I am _not_ interested.”

Another.

“Did you not _hear_ me?”

A pause.

“...I did. But I wanted to see your face.”

Kamukura immediately stiffened, eyes going wide. He pushed himself up, and—

“Oh, no! Don’t topple the chair!” The chair in question is steadied, and the action is followed by a light, familiar laugh. “I don’t remember you being so jumpy. Maybe I have the wrong person?”

Kamukura turns to him slowly, blinking several times and—

_Ah._

Tied back wild white hair. Wide, gray-green eyes. A soft gaze, a softer smile. He was wearing a strange choker.

His wings are hidden. As are the other features. But Kamukura could still _tell_.

“So,” he chirped, just like he used to. “Are you, by any chance, Kamukura-sama?”

Kamukura nodded.

“Aah, so I was right, then!” He clapped in delight. “You even have the same cold face! Though it seems to be colder in person, hm, hm. Aah, right, right. I’m...”

“Komaeda... Nagito.” Kamukura blinked at him, lips parting. “I know who you are.”

That smile turned brighter. “Nope, that’s wrong!”

“...excuse me?”

“That’s wrong,” he said. “I’m not Komaeda Nagito. Well, not anymore. Since I’ve become a demon, I took on a different name. Well, taken...was forced... Same thing, really, the only difference is the level of consent. But it’s fine, it’s alright. My new name is much more fitting, anyway.”

Kamukura stared at him, at that innocent grin.

“You are Komaeda Nagito,” he said lowly, firmly. “If that other name was forced on you, then I will not use it. Especially if it was done so by _demons_.”

Just like that, Komaeda’s smile dropped.

“Ah, you’re a lot more intolerable than I remember, Kamukura-sama,” he said. “But, okay.” That smile returned as if it had never left. “If it comforts you, then, continue calling me that name which isn’t mine anymore.”

“...Komaeda Nagito.”

“Just like that.”

Komaeda took his hands and squeezed. The grip was cold.

“It’s nice to see you again.”

* * *

As the two of them reacquainted themselves, Kamukura made some observations.

Komaeda Nagito remembered some things, but not everything.

“I wrote you a letter?! I guess that memory didn’t carry over... Hmm.”

“...I see.”

“Um. Do you maybe want to ask me something else, Kamukura-sama?”

“...do you remember how we met?”

 “I used to catch glimpses of you on the training grounds. Sometimes I’d watch you while hiding. But you noticed me anyway, right?”

“...yes.”

“Aha! I thought so!”

Komaeda Nagito had managed rather well.

“I have a place of my own, of course. It’s hidden from demons and angels alike. You can only get there if you have my permission. It’s one perk to being a demon, for sure!”

“I see.”

“It’s pretty lucky! Like my own personal pocket dimension, ehe! But I wouldn’t know how an angel would fare considering...it’s a demon lord’s castle.”

Komaeda Nagito was a demon.

All other features were the same, but with the features befitting of a demon. Curled horns that were often hidden by his hair. A slithering tail over obscured by clothing. The wings, however, were different.

Demon wings were rough, leathery, sometimes scaly. But, being a demon born from an angel, Komaeda Nagito’s were still feathery. Rather than white and pink, the feathers were inky black.

One wing seemed to be awkward. Limp, even. Useless in that state.

_It’s dislocated._

“Kamukura-sama, you mustn’t stare.”

Cupping his cheek, Komaeda gave him a coy smile.

“It’s embarrassing!”

Kamukura redirected his gaze.

“I could...?” He trailed off, reaching for the wing. “It would be painful, but...”

Komaeda pushed his hand away.

“Then, don’t.” His smile hadn’t changed. “I’m not exactly into being _hurt_ , Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura’s hand dropped. After that, Komaeda giggled as if nothing had happened.

“It was her who did that, y’know. She really is so, so wretched, Kamukura-sama.”

Komaeda Nagito had not given up.

* * *

“Is it really appropriate for an angel to invite a demon to his place of residence? This seems a bit, ah, incongruous, Kamukura-sama.”

Still, Komaeda Nagito looked around with wide, curious doe eyes, slipping off his shoes and tugging idly at his bad wing so that it didn’t bump into anything. Kamukura deigned not to answer his question, so he followed Komaeda inside without another word, seating himself at the table.

“It would be more inconspicuous if we met under my roof,” Kamukura said. “That is all. Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, that sounds lovely!” Komaeda tapped his fingers along the table, humming as he did. “Mm... You have such a nice place. So modest. It’s unfitting, considering how grand you are...from what I recall, anyway.”

Komaeda’s gaze darted about. To the empty walls, the polished floors, the smooth countertops, the red rug, the basic furniture, and then, finally, the fake flowers hanging up by the window.

Kamukura noticed, but simply focused on preparing the tea.

“It feels familiar and yet also unfamiliar,” Komaeda mused. “How strange. My angel self has never been here before, has he?”

“This house was acquired recently,” he answered. “So no, he has not.”

“Interesting! Then that feeling is all the stranger!” Komaeda laughed brightly. Still so brightly. “Well, thank you for having me, Kamukura-sama! Even if it is under some less than pleasant circumstances!”

Kamukura poured the tea, and then he set out the cups for both of them. Just as brightly as before, Komaeda Nagito cheerily thanked him before taking a sip. Kamukura seated himself across from him, idly curling his finger around the cup’s handle.

Komaeda noticed, of course, that Kamukura himself had yet to take a sip. That he was simply staring at him. As per usual with their interactions.

“...it’s strange,” he said, blowing steam off the top of his tea. “I’m still not sure if you resent me or not. I’m also not sure why you keep agreeing to see me. I’m not complaining, of course. It’s nice to be selfishly indulged every now and then. You’re also so civil, compared to the other demons.” A pause. Komaeda hummed thoughtfully. “Well, maybe Sonia-san is slightly more conversational. But that’s about it.”

“Demons like you typically do not survive for long,” Kamukura said simply.

Komaeda laughed.

“I _am_ pretty unpopular,” he agreed. “But I think that’s more due to my personality. The demons I know are as carefree as they are cruel. Especially her. Though she says I’m special. Isn’t that funny? She’s such a wretched liar.”

Silence dragged on as Komaeda Nagito sipped his tea.

“...Nagito...”

“Aah, so refreshing!” Komaeda exclaimed, cutting him off. His grin was wide enough to be splitting. “Kamukura-sama, is it alright if I pour myself another cup? It really is so delicious!”

Kamukura shut his mouth and nodded. Komaeda thanked him and went to take the kettle.

“By the way,” he said as he poured. “Do you have a new charge, Kamukura-sama?”

“...”

“Kamukura-sama?” Komaeda asked again.

“Yes,” Kamukura finally answered, gaze lowering. “I do.”

“Ehe. What are they like?”

“A little like Matsuda Yasuke,” he said. “A little like you.”

“Ooh, sounds complicated.”

“Not really,” he said. “He’s a very simple person, all things considered.”

“Is that so?” Komaeda asked, tilting his head with that same cheerful smile. “I bet he looks up to you a lot.” Giggling, he set the kettle back into place. “He’s going to be so disappointed if he finds that you’re cavorting with a demon.”

“He has nothing to do with this,” Kamukura said. “It is best that he remains uninvolved.”

“Is that so?”

Komaeda’s smile hadn’t changed.

“Yes.” Kamukura hadn’t missed a beat. “So, do not concern yourself with him, Komaeda Nagito.”

* * *

He remembered a particular moment.

It had been one of the very few times that Hinata Hajime approached him.

“Kamukura-sama...?”

As per usual, Hinata Hajime had shrank in on himself, despite being the one to call to him. He had always been so skittish, so anxious. Because. Hinata was as afraid of him as he was admiring.

It wasn’t unexpected. After all, Hinata Hajime was someone with a desperate gleam in his gaze. Hinata Hajime was—young. He was less than a century off how old Komaeda Nagito _would_ have been.

“Kamukura-sama.”

Hinata straightened his posture, trying to stand tall and proud before him. Despite that, a tremor still seeps through in both his frame and voice.

“I-I was wondering when it would be time to go on my first mission.”

_Ah._

It wasn’t unexpected. Many other angels would have been on a mission at this point. It was normal. Expected.

Hinata Hajime knew that.

“Others are starting to murmur and I know they find it odd that I haven’t been, yet,” he mumbled, and hurriedly followed it up with, “N-Not that I question your methods, Kamukura-sama!!! I...!”

A pause.

“Actually... I do...wonder. Others murmur... Are you that really worried about me ending up like...your previous partners...?” Hinata doesn’t look at him, keeping his head down. “I know that’s none of my concern, but—”

“That is correct,” Kamukura said. “It is none of your concern.”

Hinata flinched but then he scowled, puffing out his chest.

“If something like that is making you hold off on letting me fight—then it _is_ my concern!”

**Ah.**

_A little like Matsuda Yasuke._

“Someone like me should just be happy that someone like you agreed to mentor me in the first place,” Hinata muttered, almost bitterly. “But I—I don’t want you to coddle me, Kamukura-sama. For any reason. So... So, I...”

_A little like Komaeda Nagito._

“...very well.”

Hinata Hajime snapped up.

“Very well,” Kamukura repeated quietly. “We shall go on a mission, then. It will take time to prepare. Will you be ready by then?”

Hinata Hajime lights up, and he nodded so very eagerly.

“Yes! Of course!”

* * *

Hinata Hajime was an angel of compassion, unlike both Komaeda and Matsuda. Truth be told, even if he had prolonged it, he expected Hinata Hajime to react like any other angel on their first mission.

Early nerves. A watchful eye. A slight shake of the hands. But, ultimately, managing through. A sigh of relief once it was over.

At first, Hinata Hajime behaved appropriately. He followed Kamukura’s lead dutifully, he kept a keen watch out for the demon they were meant to hunt.

When they do find him, Hinata froze up. Predictably, Kamukura was ready for the demon pouncing on what it perceived as the weaker target.

_Predictable. Demons were exceedingly predictable. It was boring, really._

It was just work at this point, and Kamukura was well-used to the screams of the damned as they were pierced through and burned.

“Now is your chance,” he said.

But, Hinata Hajime did not move. Hinata Hajime was still frozen.

Not an uncommon response either, really. So he thought nothing of it, instead finishing off the demon, stone-faced as it died with one last choked up sob. Not a trace of it remained.

And then, Hinata Hajime fell to his knees.

“...Hinata-kun...?”

Kamukura was by his side in an instant, placing a careful hand on his back.

“U... Um.” Hinata covered his mouth, as if he were going to be sick. “I-I don’t think... I can do that...after all. I-I’m sorry, Kamukura-sama, I just... That was awful. I didn’t know demons could _scream_ like that.”

“Yes, it is unpleasant,” he said quietly. “However, that demon was responsible for a considerable amount of suffering. Even if killing is unpleasant, it is preferable to standing by as that demon grew stronger and stronger and wreaked more and more havoc. That is how it is.”

“...do we have to kill all demons like that?”

“Not all.” A ridiculous question, considering there were as many demons as there were angels. More or less. Of course they wouldn’t be able to kill them all, especially considering the sizable amount that wouldn’t be worth the effort with how weak they were. “Just the egregious ones. The more chaotic ones. The truly threatening ones.”

Hinata Hajime hardly looked comforted by this information. He just swallowed, gaze shimmering with a strange emotion.

“...truly threatening...”

“There is no target that is anything less than that,” Kamukura told him. Just as he had told Komaeda. Just as Matsuda had told him.

“...I got it. Um...” Hinata pulled his hand away so that he could clench both of them into fists. They continued to shake. “I-I’ll manage, somehow. I... I want to protect everyone, after all.”

Kamukura rubbed his back, humming.

“Do not push yourself. We are immortal. We have nothing but time, Hinata Hajime.”

“I-I know.”

He still seemed so uncertain, so Kamukura mutely helped him up.

“Let’s get going.”

“Y-Yes, Kamukura-sama.”

* * *

That experience had been different. He hadn’t expected that reaction, but—deep down, he was relieved. It was bound to be a short-term relief, of course, but it was a relief nonetheless.

He had hoped that Hinata Hajime would remain as he was, but that was exceedingly unlikely. Hinata Hajime could be stubborn. So very, very stubborn.

But such was part of his charm.

_Hinata Hajime is as stubborn as he is sincere and sentimental. Those are terrible traits for an angel. Still... Hinata Hajime is not a terrible person._

Such thoughts were inadvisable ones to have. But. _But_.

_I do not want him to change. As he is, it’s not just easier... It’s better._

Perhaps they would manage. Perhaps things would be fine.

Even with Komaeda Nagito’s reappearance as a demon, matters did not seem so dire.

And then, Hinata Hajime developed a strange fixation on fallens.

* * *

_Fallens._

He had experience with them, of course. Him and Matsuda have had to work together to destroy them. They truly were formidable foes. Far more dangerous than demons, for the most part. He knew about them. Understood their origins.

...that said.

Faced with the demon half of what used to be Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru mulled things over in a way he had not before. And it...was unpleasant, the conclusions he began to draw with this new way of thinking. Of course, Komaeda Nagito noticed, puffing out his lips teasingly.

“So _serious_. What’s even on your mind? You haven’t looked at the menu, Kamukura-sama.”

He does turn his attention to the menu, scanning it quickly, deciding immediately.

_I don’t have much of an appetite._

“A black coffee is enough.”

“Ehhh? Just that?” Komaeda pouted at him. “You should at least get some toast to go with it. Maybe milk, too. More substance!”

“Substance does not matter. I do not need to eat,” he reminded him.

“That’s no excuse for unhealthy eating choices, Kamukura Izuru-sama!” Komaeda exclaimed. He sighed after. “I swear... Well, whatever. I’m going to order salted pancakes. Blueberry or apple...? I think blueberry would be fine.”

He waved over the waiter.

“Excuse me, excuse me!”

After the waiter left, Komaeda turned back to him, fingers clasping atop the table.

“You’ve been in a mood lately. I have to admit, it’s pretty rare for you to treat me to breakfast. What’s the occasion?” Smiling lightly, he lays his chin atop his hands, elbows digging into the table. “Are you going to confess your undying love to me? Make this forbidden romance official?”

A pause. Komaeda broke into a snicker.

“There’s no way that would happen. But I have read about that in a romance novel once. It was pretty trashy, Kamukura-sama. Very entertaining read, however.”

“...is that so?”

“Ooh? Are you interested? I can recommend you the title if you want! I don’t remember the author off the top of my head though...” Komaeda rubs sheepishly at the nape of his neck. His hair is tied back again. “I’m not the best with names, ehe.”

“That is alright,” Kamukura said quietly.

“Then! I’ll recommend it!”

Their orders arrived, Komaeda expressing gratitude for the meal before he began to cut it into pieces. A delicate process. One that had Komaeda sticking his tongue out in concentration.

He was particular back then, as well.

Kamukura bit the inside of his cheek and let out a low hiss.

Komaeda immediately perked up, but Kamukura was pointedly looking away.

“Kamukura-sama...?”

_Even though he’s a demon now. Even though he does not remember everything... His mannerisms haven’t changed._

“There’s a park,” he said. “At this time of year, there are many wildflowers in bloom on one of the trails. Would you like to go?”

Komaeda blinked at him.

“...eh?”

“Did you not hear me?”

“I did,” Komaeda said quickly. “But I couldn’t believe what I heard!”

“...what is your answer, then? No?”

“Yes! Absolutely! I still can’t believe you asked!”

Komaeda was radiant.

“I’d be honored, especially because it’s you!”

_Because it’s me._

Some things hadn’t changed at all. This realization only serves to make the atmosphere colder. Komaeda Nagito, of course, is oblivious, if one were to suspect based on that joyful expression.

Kamukura knew better than that—but...

He stares down at his coffee, at the steam evaporating into the air.

_Such thoughts are so unpleasant._

* * *

This time, Komaeda Nagito does not pick the flowers. Instead, he rests with Kamukura beneath the shade of the tree, content against his shoulder.

Things were peaceful. There was a light breeze, rustling the leaves above and the flowers below. Birds were chirping. The sky was a vibrant shade of blue with only a few pure white clouds. It was idyllic, almost pastoral.

Komaeda Nagito had started dozing.

Funny, that. A demon sleeping without worries, cuddled up with an angel.

_I cannot begin to imagine the reaction such a situation would garner._

Of course, Komaeda Nagito was...

_...is he...?_

Komaeda Nagito was now drooling on his shoulder.

_...it’s Nagito. It’s not just some demon._

**_But he’s still a demon, isn’t he? He’s not the same as before. He’s still different. But._ But _._**

Mindful not to wake the other, Kamukura tugged out the fallen feather from his pocket. He stared at it, taking in the darker tip. Ashen gray—with a clear tint of rose.

_There’s now a means of bringing that Komaeda Nagito back completely. He can be just as before._

**But _._**

Komaeda Nagito snuffled in his sleep, groaning a little before nuzzling into him.

“...amu... Mm...”

Kamukura exhaled.

_Such unpleasantness._

“...hm?” Komaeda perked, eyes fluttering open. “Ah, sorry, Kamukura-sama. I haven’t exactly been resting well...” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Truth be told, it’s only around you that I can even relax. And I get lonely easily.”

“Is that really true?” Kamukura asked.

“It’s the truth,” Komaeda answered, tilting his head with wide, curious eyes. “Why did you ask?”

Kamukura reached out, and brushed the ivory fringe from Komaeda’s gaze. His hand presses against Komaeda’s cheek. Komaeda leans into his touch with a sigh.

“Kamukura-sama...” Komaeda nuzzles into his hand. “Mm... There’s something wrong with your smell. What’s that you’ve been carrying?”

Kamukura held up the feather in question.

“You sensed this.”

Komaeda nodded, lids lowering and lips parting.

“...is that...?”

“It is.”

Komaeda Nagito did not pull away, even as his shoulders slumped.

“...I think I can probably guess as to why you’d show that to me, Kamukura-sama. I’m really good at lucky guesses.”

Kamukura said nothing in response.

“What’s he like?” Komaeda asked. “He’s my better half, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You should,” Komaeda said. “Because that would be better for you, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura flinched.

It _would_ be better. He knew that. He knew it well.

**_...no._ **


	4. Reflecting and Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallen meets another angel and a demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about splitting this up but, eh. I probably shouldn't drag this thing out longer than necessary.
> 
> Tsukai is a really pleasing name. I can't explain it. I just really like how it looks and sounds, even though Meshi's cuter, haha. It's pretty fitting too, considering his character. (It can mean "mission" and/or "envoy".)
> 
> Honestly a lot of this feels like setup. I guess it's kinda like the second act. Still I hope you all enjoy it. Please continue to leave comments because otherwise, I'll die. :D

“Do you really think things will be alright?”

“I’m certainly feeling a lot more hopeful, Nagito.”

“Aah, really?”

“Yeah.”

The hotel bed was plush and big enough for both of them, so the two of them laid together, both staring blankly up at the ceiling. Until Komaeda rolled onto his side, directing his intense stare to his partner. Hinata flustered, of course, but stubbornly kept his eyes were they were. Smiling softly, Komaeda reached out and entwined their fingers.

“That’s good, at least,” he said. “Hinata-kun feeling a lot more hopeful.”

Komaeda squeezes his hand.

“Kamukura-sama is a kind person, right?”

“I... I think so.” Still, Hinata hesitated. “He can be really cold...and he’s always been unreadable, but he’s always looking out for me. He worries. I think that’s just because of before, though.”

“Before?”

“Kamukura-sama lost his last two partners. One after another and closely together. Supposedly, before that, Kamukura-sama was much different. Much kinder. But I wouldn’t know. By the time I managed to get into the same division as him...” Hinata trailed off. “Well, it doesn’t involve me.”

Komaeda’s thumb runs over his knuckles.

“...that’s very sad to hear. Poor Kamukura-sama.”

Hinata perked at those words, and then, his frown deepened.

_Kamukura-sama... There’s much I don’t understand but... I want to protect Nagito, so..._

“I’m...actually completely unsuited to be Kamukura-sama’s charge. But it’s not like I have anywhere else to be.” _Or so I thought._ “Nagito... I want to stay with you.”

“...I want that, too.”

Komaeda presses into him, other hand reaching up to grip his shirt as his fingers tightened their grip on Hinata’s own.

“I don’t understand you at all, Hinata-kun. But I still like you so much that it’s unbearable. Don’t you think that’s strange?”

Hinata grimaced but his gaze softened once he turned it to Komaeda. He threaded his fingers through Komaeda’s hair, and held him close.

“Nagito...” His foot bumped against the other’s. “I don’t think we’re all that different.”

“We’re still on completely different levels,” Komaeda murmured into his shoulder. “I don’t want to drag you down.”

“You shouldn’t even be so low in the first place,” Hinata muttered, kissing Komaeda’s forehead. “Hey, Nagito... Can I ask you a question?”

“Mm?” Komaeda uncovered his face, blinking at him innocently. “What is it?”

“If...” Hinata swallowed. “If it could be argued for the greater good... If it was for the greater good... Could you kill someone...if necessary?”

Komaeda tilted his head, brow furrowing.

“What a heavy question.”

“S-Sorry,” Hinata stammered. “Actually, uh, forget it. Just forget about it.”

“I don’t think I can, Hinata-kun. Sorry.” Komaeda paused. “Um... But I don’t really know. I can’t imagine ever being in that position. I should be the other person. The one that should be killed.”

Hinata shook his head furiously.

“B-But you’re not! So just...try to imagine it the other way!”

“Mmm...” Komaeda hummed, laying his cheek against Hinata’s pounding heartbeat. “I don’t really want to kill anyone, Hinata-kun. But if it was to protect you, maybe.”

Hinata stiffened, and then, he slumped.

“...I see... I feel the same.”

_I would’ve tried to kill Kamukura-sama if he hadn’t agreed to help us. We really aren’t so different._

His fingers continue to card through Komaeda’s soft, curly hair.

“If you could become an angel again,” he began. “Nagito, what would you be willing to do?”

“I don’t know,” Komaeda said. “Does it really matter? Even as an angel, I would’ve be allowed to be with you like this. I would only consider it for your sake. Would being an angel make things easier on you, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata thought about it.

_An angel’s position is so precarious. Would things really be better? Easier? I have to wonder._

“I... I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

_What kind of existence is this?_

“I do know one thing. My feelings wouldn’t change.” _Even if Nagito changed._ “So either way, I’m fucked, huh? I guess you’re right. It doesn’t really matter.”

Komaeda hugged him tightly, squeezing.

“...language, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata snorted.

“...sorry,” he said insincerely.

* * *

In a way, Hinata was grateful that he paid for that hotel stay. Once they got back, he was glad to help Komaeda unpack his things, if only to distract himself from the broader scope for a bit.

“Hotels are nice,” Komaeda was saying. “Maybe we should stay in one more often. Get a change of scenery. What do you think, Hinata-kun?”

“Yeah, that could be good,” he replied. “Next time I can get a bunch of time off, we can even travel further, if you want.”

“Traveling sounds nice!” Komaeda chirped. “A romantic getaway sounds nicer, ehe...”

Hinata flushed.

“I-I guess...?”

_I have to be careful, though. If we’re spotted, that would be...a problem. Then again, I have to worry about that normally._

“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda said suddenly. “Is Kamukura-sama going to visit?”

Hinata flinched, but quickly nodded. He tried to focus on folding clothes.

“Yeah, he is. He’s, um, going to discuss strategies, I think. On what we should do...”

_I wonder...what he’s planning, though? Surely appealing Nagito’s case to the higher ups right away would be far too risky. And I don’t like talking to them anyway—they’re scary._

Hinata sighed.

“He’ll probably suggest a better place to go into hiding... My place isn’t...the safest. But I wonder what he has in mind...? He might own somewhere that’s a lot more isolated.”

“I see...” Komaeda hummed. “I want to thank him personally. Should I try to make something?”

“I-I think smiling at him would be enough, Nagito! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves...!” Hinata forced a laugh. “Kamukura-sama’s not much for eating anyway, ahaha...”

“But I think that if I added sesame oil...!”

“Let’s test that ourselves first,” Hinata said. “After I check the kitchen...to make sure it can sustain any more potential...blows.”

Komaeda pouted. Hinata perked at that and smiled at the sight, making his way over to wrap his arms around the other’s slim shoulders.

“Maybe next time, Nagito,” he murmured affectionately, nuzzling him. “Don’t worry about it. Just words are enough for now.”

Komaeda’s cheeks puffed even as he leaned back against him.

“If you saaaay so, Hinata-kun.” He kissed Hinata’s cheek before pulling away. “I’ll get some more cleaning done, at least. Make the place look nicer.”

“That would be fine,” Hinata said cheerfully. “Thanks, Nagito.”

_I had wanted to hold him for a little longer, though._

“Hinata-kun, you need to help!” Komaeda huffed, hands on his hips. “Don’t slack off!”

“Got it, got it.”

* * *

He isn’t exactly sure what he should expect. From Kamukura Izuru.

After all, Hinata’s descriptions were a little vague, and he doesn’t even know what Kamukura Izuru looks like.

_Although the name—Kamukura-sama—is a little strange. It has a funny taste._

“Kamukura-sama has a strange name,” he had said once. Hinata had snorted but quickly shook his head.

“It’s a pretty grand name, isn’t it? Really fitting.”

“...I suppose.”

_Except that wasn’t what I meant._

He couldn’t exactly put into words what, exactly, he meant, so in the end, he just dropped it.

_But it’s still strange. So strange. It’s not as if the name is as nice as Hinata-kun’s._

Well, whatever. He really should just stop dwelling on it.

_What’s Kamukura-sama really like? If he’s protective over Hinata-kun, he must be a good person. He goes out of his way to protect him... Meanwhile someone like me causes problems simply by existing._

He envied that. Of course, he knew better than to resent Kamukura Izuru over that. It’d be silly.

_I want to protect Hinata-kun, too. Hinata-kun’s such a kind, shining presence. He deserves so much better. So much..._

Komaeda fidgeted with the laundry as he hung it, but pushed onwards, tugging so that there would be less wrinkles. He had already beat the dust out of the rugs, at least.

_Rather than a source of problems, I would rather be a stepping stone. Or a support. But it can’t be helped._

If he ran off again, Hinata would have a breakdown trying to look for him.

_Hinata-kun...is really fragile. So it really is a good thing that Kamukura-sama agreed to help him. He needs it._

With that in mind, Komaeda fiddled with his hair in the mirror. No matter what he did, the strands refused to be tamed. He frowned pointedly at his reflection, but just moved on.

Hinata was seated at the table, fiddling with an orange as his gaze flickered every so often to the door. He seemed anxious. Komaeda sat next to him, squeezing his shoulders. Hinata shivered, but, with time, he began to relax. Little by little.

Until the doorbell rang and Hinata went stiff.

“...do you want me to get it?”

Hinata stood up so suddenly that it nearly knocked Komaeda over.

“I-I’ll get it! Ack.” He quickly helped Komaeda back up, grimacing. “S-Sorry.”

Komaeda only giggled.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”

_You really are fragile, Hinata-kun._

Still, Hinata marched to the door, palms visibly sweaty and shoulders tensed. He opened the door, taking a deep breath and,

“Ah, Kamukura-sama... Come on in...”

Komaeda went up to press up against Hinata’s back, and he caught his first glimpse of Kamukura Izuru via a peer over Hinata’s shoulder.

_Ah..._

“Greetings.”

The delivery of the line was cold, as cold as those piercing red eyes. Shuddering, Komaeda ducked behind Hinata on instinct as Kamukura let himself in.

“Um, uh... Greetings, Kamukura-sama...” Hinata’s hand fumbled, patting Komaeda’s hip awkwardly until Komaeda squeezed it tightly. Hinata squeezed back reassuringly. “Nagito, this is Kamukura-sama.”

“So you two really are close?” Kamukura asked coolly. Komaeda flinched, as did Hinata.

“I told you that we were, Kamukura-sama.”

“I see that was the truth, then.”

“W-Why wouldn’t it be...?!”

“Unimportant.” Kamukura brushed him off so easily and it was frustrating, almost humiliating. “So... That is Komaeda Nagito?”

_...eh?_

Kamukura’s stare bore into him. As if Kamukura Izuru saw straight through him.

_Why is his gaze so intense? It’s uncomfortable._

“I, yes,” he spoke up. “Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you, Kamukura-sama. Words can’t express how grateful we are...”

“Think nothing of it,” Kamukura spoke quickly. Almost sharply. Like a knife cutting through air. “Hinata Hajime, did you have a plan? Surely you did not mean to keep Komaeda Nagito here indefinitely.”

“I-I...!” Hinata flinched at that, rubbing sheepishly at the nape of his neck. “I was hoping I’d...come up with something else along the way... And I didn’t.”

_So blunt..._

“So blunt,” Kamukura said, to which Komaeda bit the inside of his cheek. “May I speak to Komaeda Nagito in private for a bit?”

_H-Huh?!_

“Haaah? What the hell for?”

Hinata squeezed his hand tighter, stepping in front of Komaeda as if to shield him from Kamukura Izuru’s piercing view. Komaeda was grateful, but he also found himself...very curious.

“If you need to tell him anything,” Hinata said. “I should know it too, right?”

“It is nothing like that,” Kamukura replied. “This conversation would flow better if it were one-on-one. With you here, Komaeda Nagito’s answers would likely be compromised.”

“That’s just...” Hinata’s face pinched up. “That’s just suspicious.”

“But,” Komaeda found himself saying. “I get what Kamukura-sama means.”

_And I really am curious._

“I’m sorry, Hinata-kun, but I would like to hear him out,” he said. “And... I think it would be better if you left us alone for a bit. It won’t have to be long.”

“But, Nagito...!”

“Please,” Komaeda said, squeezing Hinata’s hand with both of his own. “It’ll only be for a little while.”

Hinata’s features twisted but he yanked his hand away.

“Fine. J-Just let me know when I can come back.”

“Hinata-kun...”

Hinata shut the door behind him. Komaeda wilted, but Kamukura’s unaffected voice flowed through without any problems.

“Komaeda Nagito. Take a seat.”

Tense, Komaeda could only nod.

“Y-Yes sir.”

* * *

The atmosphere was suffocating, heavy with the force of Kamukura Izuru’s presence, and in just sitting across from the other, Komaeda felt as if he were being crushed like a bug under someone’s heel. Kamukura Izuru merely brushed his hair back, and even that simple motion felt calculated, especially with how Kamukura’s crimson gaze rose to meet his own.

A shudder went down his spine. Komaeda’s smile wobbled.

_I-Incredible... So this is a true angel...! He’s easily the most terrifying that I’ve ever encountered! And considering every single one save for Hinata-kun was trying to kill me..._

“What did you want to say to me?” he burst out, near breathless. “You... You’ve been looking at me so intensely and expectantly ever since you got here, Kamukura-sama! Just what are you _thinking_?”

_It’s impossible to tell with such an aloof expression and yet...!_

“That does not matter,” Kamukura said. “I mean to ask you some questions. That is all.”

Kamukura’s hands clasp. Komaeda swallowed.

“...what kind of questions?”

“What are your intentions?” Kamukura asked. Face falling, Komaeda’s head tilted with a helpless expression. Komaeda asked, in a colder voice than before, “What is it that motivates you, Komaeda Nagito?”

“I... What?” _What kind of question is this?_ “What kind of question is that?”

“It is one that I expect an answer for.”

Cold. Cutting. Precise.

_Kamukura-sama really is terrifying._

“I don’t...really intend anything...” He mulled it over almost desperately. “As for motivations, I... There’s nothing even worth _living_ for other than Hinata-kun. S-So, I guess Hinata-kun? Not long before I met Hinata-kun, I wouldn’t have minded dying. Before that, I just lived out of impulse and instinct... No other reason. I’ve never had a purpose. And yet... Hinata-kun still wanted to protect me.”

He rubs at his wrist, head hanging.

“Even when I ran away so that I wouldn’t be a burden on him... Hinata-kun tracked me down. He cried when he did. In that moment, I thought he was—precious. So... So very precious. I don’t...want to hurt him, but... I want to stay with him... I want to make him happy...”

_I want to keep him close. But._

“I just... I don’t want to cause him trouble anymore. And I don’t know what I can do. If I ran away, he would cry again... And if I died... I don’t want to think about the kind of face he’d make...” Komaeda shrugged. “So, I guess that’s it. Was that really what you wanted to know, Kamukura-sama?”

“What would you be willing to do for Hinata Hajime’s sake?” Kamukura asked.

_Eh...?_

“I... A-Anything...probably?” _What a scary question to ask._ “Why? What will I have to do?”

Kamukura’s expression does not change, and his gaze remains steady.

_Scary._

“Would you be willing to kill someone?”

Komaeda’s breath caught. And hurriedly, he shuddered, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, nails digging in.

“That’s such an awful question to ask...!” he gasped out. “That’s cruel...! So very cruel...!”

“Answer it,” Kamukura said. Sharply. Cuttingly. Cruelly.

Komaeda trembled, his eyes squeezing shut. Even in complete darkness, all he could see was Hinata’s smiling face.

_Hinata-kun..._

**_Hinata-kun!!_ **

“If... If there wasn’t any option... If this person...was going to kill Hinata-kun... I probably wouldn’t hesitate...”

_I can’t deny that._

“And if there were another option? If this was someone who did not necessarily need to die, but someone whose death could benefit Hinata Hajime?” Kamukura asked.

Komaeda grimaced.

“What an unpleasant way of putting it.”

_What kind of person would that even be? Even so..._

“It would have to be quite the terrible person,” he said quietly. “Hinata-kun doesn’t like killing. If I killed someone for his sake, it would have to be...someone beyond terrible. Otherwise I’d have a hard time believing that it would really benefit Hinata-kun all that much.”

Silence.

Kamukura rests his cheek against his hand.

“Is that so?”

“I think so,” Komaeda murmured. “You know Hinata-kun, don’t you? Shouldn’t that mean you agree with me?”

“I do agree,” Kamukura said. “So, you and Hinata Hajime are indeed close. I had not truly predicted this outcome. Then again, I had not thought much about it.”

“I-I see.” _Somehow, I feel insulted._ “Where are you going with this, Kamukura-sama? Are you trying to judge my character? If so, that’s ridiculous. I’m not someone who deserves to live, but—Hinata-kun is still trying. Because he believes. And that’s really all that matters here.”

“Yes,” Kamukura said. “You are correct. If Hinata Hajime did not believe so strongly, you would not be here. That is clear as day.”

Komaeda had said as much earlier.

_So why...? Hinata-kun’s right. Kamukura-sama is completely unreadable._

And yet—he feels like he is missing something. Something undoubtedly significant and _strange_.

“The only way a fallen can regain their angel status...”

Komaeda immediately perked up. Kamukura’s eyes had fallen shut.

“If an angel is powerful enough, they can split theirself into two halves. The truly fallen half—and a demon half.”

_A demon... I don’t know much about demons..._

“If the fallen half kills the demon half, then salvation can occur,” Kamukura said, lowly and dully. “Do you understand? There is, in fact, a means for you to come back from this decadent state. However...”

“I would have to kill my demon half,” Komaeda said blankly. “I see... So that’s how it is.”

_It doesn’t explain everything. I feel like there’s so much more to it._

“What are demons like, Kamukura-sama?”

“They are mere parasites and agents of chaos,” Kamukura said. “Pests, you could say. However they are not always worth the effort it takes to track down and kill. Typically, they are not mourned.”

“What a pitiful existence,” Komaeda sighed. “Even if that’s true... If it’s someone who can think and feel like I do...someone who is still afraid of dying... I don’t...think I could...”

_Parasites...and agents of chaos... What makes a fallen so different from a demon? Are fallens just considered to be inherently worse? I don’t understand._

“You don’t think you could?”

Cold. So cold.

“Do you know where my demon half is?” Komaeda asked instead. “I just—these questions are worthless otherwise. If you don’t know where he is—he might not even exist.”

Kamukura’s stare seemed to darken.

“He does exist.”

“He...” Komaeda blinked several times. “He does?”

“Yes.”

_...this feels wrong. This feels so very wrong._

“I...” Komaeda swallowed, shaking a little before shaking his head. “Do you _want_ him dead, Kamukura-sama?”

Silence.

Dead silence.

“What I want is irrelevant,” Kamukura said. There was no discernible emotion in his voice, and yet—Komaeda felt something strike him as _wrong_. “This means nothing to me.”

_Ah._

“No,” Komaeda said, eyes wide. “No, that’s wrong. You’re lying.”

_This feeling... This atmosphere... It’s almost...completely undeniable._

“Kamukura-sama,” he said. “It _does_ mean something to you. You’re asking because you _care_. Not just for Hinata-kun, but... For that demon as well. Kamukura-sama, are you...?”

_There’s no way I could mistake it..._

“...are you in love with him?”

...

...

...

“Irrelevant,” Kamukura murmured, gaze hooded and guarded. “That is irrelevant, fallen Komaeda Nagito.”

“You’re not even denying it!” Komaeda exclaimed. “How can it be irrelevant? It’s what _motivates_ you, isn’t it, Kamukura-sama?”

“Irrelevant,” Kamukura repeated. “Stop harping on this point.”

“But how can I...?!”

“I said. **_Stop_**.”

Komaeda immediately did, shutting his mouth.

_...scary. But...so passionately._

**_So, it’s true then... This grand angel fell in love with a mere demon..._ **

Funny how that worked.

Komaeda couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Kamukura-sama, you’ve both exceeded and completely subverted my expectations, but... I think... I was right about one thing,” he said, smiling up at him. “Just like Hinata-kun, you’re a very kind person, Kamukura-sama.”

“How boring,” Kamukura replied. “You really are a blank slate compared to your other half.”

“Well, I didn’t remember anything,” Komaeda said. “Maybe my other half did. I am curious, but... I am a little worried about what will happen if I do remember. If I will change.”

_Because I might just disappear without truly dying. And that sounds like a bit much, even for me._

“He must be kind as well,” Komaeda went on. “My demon half, I mean. Because—he’d have to be really patient to put up with Kamukura-sama. You’re just so scary. So unsettling.” He flinched suddenly, covering his mouth. “Ah, um, apologies for my rudeness, Kamukura-sama.”

“It is not as if you said anything untrue,” Kamukura said. “I am well aware of my demeanor, Komaeda Nagito.”

“A-Ah, are you? Still... Sorry.”

“I do not care.”

“Oh... You don’t... I see...” _Just because he’s a kind person doesn’t mean he’s nice._ “Well, is there anything else?”

Kamukura once again tucked his hair back.

“Not particularly,” he answered. “I have a good grasp of your character at this point. Any further questioning would be superfluous. Boring. There is no need.”

Komaeda nodded.

“I-I see. Kamukura-sama, you’re so standoffish.” He snorts, covering his mouth. “So graceless. I think I have a good grasp of your character, too. Somehow.”

_Though there isn’t a doubt that there are sides to this person I’ve yet to see._

“...Komaeda Nagito.”

_Still, there are glimpses, I think._

“Yes, Kamukura-sama?”

“Do _you_ have any questions?” he asked coolly, stoically. And yet, Komaeda could tell there was meaningfulness in his tone.

“You mean...about my other half?”

Kamukura didn’t say anything. He didn’t even nod. It was as good a confirmation as any.

“Why would you ask?”

Kamukura’s eyes narrow sharply. Komaeda was struck with the sensation of having picked the wrong answer.

“I... Um...” He hesitated. “I don’t... I don’t feel comfortable asking you questions like that, Kamukura-sama. After all, you’re in love with that person so it just feels...tasteless. I guess.”

“You guess,” Kamukura repeated, unimpressed.

Komaeda shrugged helplessly. Shutting his eyes, Kamukura stood from his seat.

“You may call Hinata Hajime back. However, I am done here for now.”

“E-Eh, just like that?” Komaeda’s knee thuds against the table, earning him to double over with a yelp and a wince. “O-Ow! I-I mean... I thought...you’d want to talk to Hinata-kun, too. He was so anxious over meeting you.”

“I will discuss things with him later,” Kamukura said simply. “Now, I have other businesses to attend to.”

“A-Ah, oh... Is it with my other half...? Aha...?” Komaeda winced even as he tried valiantly to smile anyway. “I-I wish you luck, Kamukura-sama...!”

“Luck.” Just the slightest bit, Kamukura’s features twisted. “What an unpleasant word.”

“Oh, I’m sor...”

Just like that, Kamukura disappeared before his eyes, leaving behind a few feathers. Perking up, Komaeda managed to limp over to grab one, and marveled at how plush and pretty they were.

_Hinata-kun’s are softer... But these are more elegant._

For whatever reason, holding them in his hand left Komaeda with a bitter, melancholy feeling.

_...eh...how strange..._

Komaeda bit his lip, shivering a bit.

_...I want to see Hinata-kun._

* * *

“So that was it?”

“Yes, that was it.”

“J-Just that?”

“Just that.”

“...uh.”

Slightly irritated, Komaeda leaned in and licked his cheek. Hinata squealed, pushing him away but Komaeda only laughed.

“You’re way too uptight, Hinata-kun! I told you everything that Kamukura-sama told me. I wouldn’t dare leave behind a single detail!” He grabs Hinata’s hand, squeezing and nuzzling it. “You stress so much. It’s dangerous, Hinata-kun.”

“Yeah I know, I know,” Hinata sighed heavily, and moved to ruffle Komaeda’s hair. If Komaeda had a tail, it’d be wagging like a dog’s. “It’s just a lot to take in.” He frowned, lower lip jutting out. “I’m still not sure why he had to make that conversation private. I feel like knowing where your demon half is... That’s pretty important.”

_Ah._

Actually, he hadn’t told Hinata the complete truth.

_Because... I may have asked about it. I may be sure of it. But Kamukura-sama himself didn’t say anything about how he felt towards my other half. So I feel like telling Hinata-kun is—wrong, somehow._

It was a weird feeling. Weird and unpleasant.

Hinata, at least, noticed his expression. His frown deepened.

“What’s up, Nagito?”

Komaeda shook his head.

“You didn’t tell me that killing my demon half would make me an angel again, Hinata-kun.”

_I’m not lying, but..._

Before Hinata could say anything, he continued.

“It’s okay. I understand why. You didn’t want me to feel pressured into killing someone, right?” He could just tell, given that conflicted look of guilt and distress on Hinata’s face. Smiling gently, Komaeda cupped his cheek. “You’re too kind-hearted and soft-hearted for your own good.”

“I’m just a coward,” Hinata grumbled. “I can’t even tell anyone besides Kamukura-sama about how important you are, Nagito. It’s anything but admirable.”

“I don’t mind you keeping me all to yourself, to be honest,” Komaeda said, running his thumb over the curvature of Hinata’s cheek. His smile grew. “It’s a little exciting, don’t you think? The _forbidden romance_ is pretty popular in the genre.”

Hinata balked.

“I-I think it’s a little too much excitement to be healthy, Nagito. Also I wouldn’t know anything about that.”

“Maybe so!” he exclaimed brightly. “But, it sure doesn’t mean that I love you any less, Hinata- _kuuun_!”

Hinata’s cheeks burned red, more so when Komaeda cooed over them, pinching and pulling.

“Ehehe, squishy like mochi~!”

“N-Nagito, _stoooop_...!”

Komaeda let go and, rather comically, Hinata’s face snapped back into shape, leaving him rubbing his reddened cheeks with a hiss.

“Sorry,” Komaeda said, lightly and fondly. “Did I hurt you?”

Hinata scowled at him.

“You’re not sorry at all.”

“Yep, you’re right. Sorry for not being sorry! Ehe!”

Hinata rolled his eyes and then mussed up his hair furiously in revenge. Komaeda yelped, of course.

“H-Hinata-kun, no...!”

Satisfied, Hinata pulled back, smirking.

“You can hardly tell the difference.” He chuckled as Komaeda pouted at him. Smiling, Hinata smoothed his hair back, watching as the unruly curls sprung back up. After a while, his smile fell. “I’m gonna have to leave you alone for a couple of days again. Kamukura-sama and I have, ah—a lot on our plates. We’re gonna have to go back and make some arrangements and... Time moves slowly even there.”

“I... Oh...” Komaeda nodded. “I see. That’s fine. And understandable. I’ll be alright. I’m used to waiting for you, Hinata-kun.”

_Although I may have been a little spoiled as of late._

He puts forth a smile anyway, giving Hinata a thumbs-up.

“Good luck...! I’m positive that you’ll pull through!!”

Hinata’s smile strained a little, but he put a gracious kiss on Komaeda’s temple all the same.

“Thanks, Nagito. I’ll be seeing you, okay?”

He was gone, not long after that. Leaving Komaeda standing there alone, smile slowly disintegrating on his lips.

“Okay,” he echoed to no one in particular.

* * *

Komaeda really is used to long days cooped up in Hinata’s house, and he’s gotten rather good at discovering several avenues of wasting time. Today, he has a few craft books open and is contemplating whether he should try and make candles.

_It might burn things. But it could be fun. The wax looks pretty. It could be romantic._

Komaeda frowned as he narrowed his eyes at the instructions printed.

_I can order all this online... Everything can be ordered online... But maybe I should get out of the habit of buying things with Hinata-kun’s money._

With that thought, Komaeda threw his head back with a groan.

_I wish there was some way I could do more work for Hinata-kun._

He’s already cleaned all the rooms. He’s already done all the laundry. Nothing on television was particularly interesting. It’s just him and his crafts.

Komaeda flopped onto his back, spreading out his arms, wings, and legs as he stared up at the ceiling.

_Halfway through the second day, and I’m already at a complete loss. That’s not a good sign._

“What to do, what to do,” he murmured worriedly. “Maybe I can just...sleep or something. But I’m not tired enough to do that. Aah...” A sigh. “I’m so bored... So very, very bored.”

_Hinata-kun... I wonder how he is._

He can’t call Hinata while he’s on business like this. Komaeda’s still very much tempted to do so anyway, but he really shouldn’t.

_I’m so bored..._

Maybe he should just try and take a nap. Right then and there on the floor. He hasn’t really done that enough times. But he might end up leaving feathers. That would be irritating to clean up.

Komaeda’s eyes fall shut.

_Things have been so eventful as of late that I’ve forgotten how unbearable boredom really is. But what am I supposed to do? It’s not like something out of nowhere will just happen._

He thought that.

And then, the someone knocked on the door. Komaeda’s eyes flew open and then fluttered back shut.

_Probably the mail. Maybe a package. I could’ve ordered one and then forgot._

Another knock, this time in a strange rhythm.

Komaeda’s eyes jolted back open and he pushed himself up.

_That’s not the mail. What the hell—?!_

Stumbling a bit, Komaeda shuddered as he grabbed the door.

_It could still just be someone trying to sell something but what is this weird feeling?! It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before! It’s—exciting!_

Catching his breath, Komaeda inhaled, and gripped the handle before pulling.

“I... Hello?”

“Hello, hello.” A wave. A broadening smile. Komaeda’s own eyes widened when met face to face with a near perfect reflection. “Aha. You must be Nagito-kun. Hi, you. Or should I say, me?”

“Y... You’re...”

“Are you going to let me inside?” the other asks coyly. Tensely, Komaeda backed off to more properly allow him inside. His counterpart practically skipped inside, peering about with awe and curiously, tapping his lips thoughtfully as he did. “My, my. What a plain little house. But it has charm and at least some personality. Completely unlike Kamukura-sama’s place.”

Komaeda shut the door, eyeing the other warily, flinching when he turned on his heel to face him suddenly.

“You must be surprised. I suppose my visit is a little out of the blue. But.” That calm smile grew ever wider, smooth like a polished surface. “I assume Kamukura-sama at least told you a little about me. After all, I’m your means of regaining your angel status!”

He claps his hand with a cheerful laugh.

“Oh, but don’t misunderstand. I have no intention of dying here and now. I’m taking a gamble, you see, because I’m so despairingly curious on what my other half was like!” He spins back around. “I have to say, I’m a little disappointed. You’re so meek! Maybe it’s the shock? Haha, I don’t really care. Is there a tea kettle?”

Finally, Komaeda found his voice.

“...you’re a lot to take in at once, ah... Komaeda-san.”

The other’s shoulders stiffened, but when he tossed Komaeda an easy smile over his shoulder, said smile was unreadable.

“It’s a little too confusing that we’re both Komaeda Nagito, I think. Why don’t you call me something else, Nagito-kun?”

_Something else...?_

Komaeda didn’t really understand. Perhaps he was too stupid to.

“Like what?”

“Let’s see...” The other seemed to think it over, or at least pretended to. “Back home, I’m called Meshitsukai. Meshi. Tsukai. Rather than Komaeda Nagito, think of me as Tsukai Meshi.”

“Tsukai-san,” Komaeda said softly.

The other made a pleased face.

“Yes, just like that!”

“It’s nice to meet you... Tsukai-san,” he said, the name still tasting funny on his tongue. Which wasn’t surprising, considering it was such a weird name.

_Then again, being called Meshitsukai—Servant—in general is a bit..._

“It’s nice to meet you too, Nagito-kun!” Tsukai exclaimed, distracting him from his thoughts momentarily. “Already, I feel we’ll get along quite well! You listen! Kamukura-sama’s _terrible_ at listening!”

_...Kamukura-sama._

“D-Does he know? Kamukura-sama, I mean...?”

Tsukai shook his head.

“No, no. I’m here of my own initiative. Though I can’t say if Kamukura-sama would disapprove considering what he plans. Maybe. Maybe not.” He shrugged. “Who knows? Kamukura-sama is fickle like a cat. You can’t ever be sure.”

“I don’t know Kamukura-sama that well, but...” _He’s in love with this person. My demon half. A demon._ “He cares about you a lot, Tsukai-san.”

“Goodness. What a thing to say to someone you just met. I see both halves of what was once the angel Komaeda Nagito are impertinent.” Komaeda nearly bit his tongue, but Tsukai waved his hand. “Rather than making such improper remarks... Do you mind showing me around? Or making tea? I would like to get a little comfortable first.”

“I suppose that’s...fair.” Truth be told, he couldn’t help but find Tsukai to be a bit obnoxious. And perhaps overly familiar. Then again. They _were_ two halves of the same person... “Um. Just take a seat right this way, Tsukai-san.”

“Thank you, Nagito-kun!”

_Two halves of the same person... This is my other half... The person I would...have to kill in order to become an angel again. And yet, he’s smiling at me so fearlessly._

No one besides Hinata has ever smiled at him. It was—such an odd sensation.

_I want to learn more about him. He may be annoying but... He’s definitely interesting, too._

* * *

“Wow, you even have your own room! So domestic!”

“Hinata-kun is...a really kind person.”

“I can see that! Nagito-kun, you’re so enviable! I would never dream of having the audacity to make myself a place in Kamukura-sama’s household!”

“...”

_Was that an insult...?_

Tsukai seemed pretty fascinated by his books. Smiling a little, Komaeda pulled one from the shelf and offered it.

“You can read them, if you like, Tsukai-san. Feel free to sit on the bed.”

“Uwah, so kind!” Tsukai really did seem happy. He plops down. “The cover is pretty. Hinata-kun bought this for you, did he?”

“He did,” Komaeda said, sitting next to him. “Doesn’t Kamukura-sama buy you things?”

“Aside from food?” Tsukai shook his head. “Not really. I buy my own things.”

_...his own...?_

“You...have your own money, Tsukai-san?”

“I take on all kinds of odd jobs. It’s all for the sake of buying little pleasures such as books like these.” Tsukai hummed as he flipped the book open. “Of course, someone else buying things for you is nice, even if it’s just food and drinks. I still envy you, Nagito-kun.”

Komaeda could barely wrap his head around it. Before Hinata, having money to buy anything other than a brief meal seemed like a far-off dream, and there had been many days where he either went hungry or had to scrounge something up. He wondered if Tsukai struggled much in the beginning. Either way, he seemed to be doing fine even without Kamukura’s support.

That was...far more enviable. Tsukai wasn’t a burden on Kamukura the way he was on Hinata.

Tsukai was reading as Komaeda dwelled on this.

_A burden... Tsukai-san is a demon and he’s self-sufficient... Are all demons like this? I wouldn’t know._

“Tsukai-san,” he said. “Just how different...are your experiences from mine?”

Even though Tsukai didn’t look away from the pages, he didn’t miss a beat before responding.

“Well, I wouldn’t know for sure. After all, I don’t know what your experiences were like, Nagito-kun.”

“That’s true...” Komaeda trailed off. “Do you remember...what it was like, being an angel?”

“Here and there,” Tsukai answered. “It’s not a perfect memory, of course. But I remember things. Like Kamukura-sama.”

**_Kamukura-sama?_ **

“Do you remember Kamukura-sama?” Tsukai asked, smiling serenely.

Feeling cold, Komaeda shook his head.

“No, I don’t... We... We knew Kamukura-sama? Or... Kamukura-sama knew us?”

“Yes. I guess he didn’t tell you. That’s unsurprising.” Tsukai laughed. “Kamukura-sama’s such a tight-lipped guy. It’s really _irritating_ , isn’t it?”

_Kamukura-sama is in love with him..._

“Kamukura-sama is in love with you.”

Tsukai shut the book. Komaeda nearly jumped. Tsukai’s expression was strangely blank even with that smile of his.

“You really do say so many audacious things, Nagito-kun.”

“A-Ah, sorry...”

Just like that, Tsukai giggled into his hand and set the book aside.

“You’re transparent like stained glass. So bold. You’re a curious thing, aren’t you, Nagito-kun?”

“I...” He couldn’t help but tell the truth. “I don’t know much about demons. Hinata-kun doesn’t like talking about them and Kamukura-sama—even with his feelings for you, he just...described them as pests... But I’m a pest, too, so... I thought we would be similar...in that regard...in addition to the more obvious ones.”

_Even though Tsukai-san can be grating, I can’t deny that I’m drawn to him. Perhaps that’s natural. We are two halves of a whole, right?_

Still, it felt so strange. He couldn’t even tell if it was pleasant or unpleasant.

_When it was Hinata-kun, I enjoyed his company from the start... It’s not the same as Hinata-kun at all... Hinata-kun..._

“Oh.” Tsukai exhaled. “There’s a glimmer in your eyes, Nagito-kun. The glimmer of desire.”

Komaeda immediately flinched.

“Ah, um, excuse me?”

“You’re easy to read. Transparent.” Tsukai hums, twirling around a lock of his hair. Komaeda blinked, noticing belatedly that the ivory strands were longer than his own. “You were thinking of that angel, weren’t you? Hinata-kun, was it?”

_W-Was it really that obvious?_

“It’s pretty obvious,” Tsukai chirped. “Admittedly there’s not a lot of other potential people who could inspire that kind of reaction. Other than Kamukura-sama, perhaps.”

“I suppose that’s true...” _I don’t know any other people._ “Still, it’s impressive that you can read me so well, Tsukai-san. Hinata-kun’s a little oblivious at times.”

_Hinata-kun can be perceptive, but he’s dense, too. Still, he tries his best._

“Are you unsettled by it?” Tsukai asked. “How well can you read me?”

Komaeda perked, looking him over once. Twice. He smiles apologetically.

“Not well at all. I have no idea what you’re thinking, Tsukai-san.” He shrugged. “So you’re just perceptive. It has nothing to do with us being...two halves...”

_Two halves of the same... It’s still so difficult to wrap my head around._

“Well,” Tsukai says. “When you’re in the crowd I’m in, perception is essential for survival. Demons can be quite capricious and unpredictable. They’re very dangerous.”

“Tsukai-san doesn’t seem to be very dangerous,” Komaeda remarked. “Then again, you’ve been a little guarded this entire time.”

Tsukai opened his mouth and then closed it. Ultimately saying nothing.

“I mean,” Komaeda went on. “Your other features...they’re still hidden. Doesn’t that expend energy? Hinata-kun says that when your other features are obscured, you can’t be properly...sized up, I think, is how he put it.”

“That is true,” Tsukai answered in a much quieter voice than before. “For example, I can tell you’re really powerful, Nagito-kun. As expected of a fallen.”

_His eyes narrowed. His gaze seems intense. But I still can’t get a read on what he might be thinking._

“It’s not that impressive,” he said. “Kamukura-sama is much stronger.”

“Kamukura-sama is a polished jewel, while you’re more like ore.” Just like that, Tsukai’s smile returned. “That’s an unfair comparison. Kamukura-sama has been extensively trained. Unlike you.”

“I...suppose...” _I can’t deny that makes sense, but..._ “I don’t really want to hurt anyone. I’ve hurt enough people just trying to survive.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. It is.” He doesn’t hesitate. “You must think that’s naïve. But it’s how I truly feel.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Tsukai agreed. “Of course, I don’t mean to mock your sincere feelings. That would be mean.”

_And still, it sounds a little like mocking._

“Demons have to fight to survive every day,” Komaeda said softly. “Before Hinata-kun, I had to, too... Maybe I really have just been...spoiled by him. But I really don’t want to hurt anyone... I especially don’t want to hurt you, Tsukai-san.”

Tsukai said nothing in response to that.

“After all, you were just trying to survive, too, right?” Komaeda shook his head. “I don’t know much about demons—but I assume you’ve gone through your own difficulties. And, also... Kamukura-sama... He... You...”

_He’s in love with..._

“Haaaaah.”

Tsukai had let out a hard, loud sigh.

“ _Boring_.”

Komaeda stilled, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Tsukai stands up, and then he takes Komaeda’s hands.

“Do you want to learn more, Nagito-kun?”

Tsukai’s hands are cold, but also surprisingly soft. _Frail_ , Komaeda couldn’t help but think.

“I...” His eyes are wide. “If you don’t...mind. I wouldn’t mind learning more.”

“Ehe.” Tsukai grins radiantly. “Then, let’s go.”

“...go? Where?”

Tsukai’s grip tightens on him, and there’s a strange shift in the air, a strange sensation that runs through the contact between their skin—Komaeda jumps as it travels and wraps around his arms.

“It’s okay,” Tsukai says. “We’re going.”

“O...” _It’s strange, it’s strange, but—_ “Okay, Tsukai-san.”

His eyes squeeze shut, and then, and then—

Everything is stripped away except for Tsukai’s squeezing grip.

* * *

“Nagito-kun. Nagito-kun. Nagito-kun!”

_...I feel...funny..._

“Nagito- _kun_!!”

_Like...gruel...maybe...?_

“Nagito-kun?”

_It’s strange... I really do feel like a mess..._

“Open your eyes, Nagito-kun.”

Cold fingers brush against his cheek. He instinctively flinches at first, and slowly but surely, his eyes flutter open. His vision blurs before it focuses on Tsukai’s frowning face in just a scant distance from his own. Komaeda blinks a few times.

“...Tsukai-san.”

“Nagito-kun,” Tsukai returned before pulling away with a relieved exhale of breath. “Goodness. That was a bit startling. I suppose it would be your first time teleporting, but still... What a worrying reaction...”

“Mm...” His mind still felt a bit soupy, so Komaeda just looked around. He squints at his surroundings, not fully understanding. “What...?”

It wasn’t his room. It wasn’t Hinata’s home at all. In fact, Komaeda had never seen the inside of a place that was so— _ornate_. Even the fancier places showcased in the shows he’s seen couldn’t compare to all _this_. Polished tiles, velvet reds, rich greens, flecks of gold. Even the ceiling looked to be sparkling.

“A little much, isn’t it?” Tsukai asked sunnily. “For whatever reason, it just turned out this way. Perhaps I should redecorate it to look more modest, but for now, well... I suppose this is what they mean by luxury home.”

_Luxury...indeed. I feel too dirty to be here and I took a shower this morning._

“Um, it is impressive though, Tsukai...san...” Komaeda trailed off, noticing a few things. “Oh. Your...wings...”

_They're black, huh._

Tsukai was tugging awkwardly at one of them, strangely enough. But, truth be told, Komaeda soon found himself more distracted by Tsukai’s coiling tail, how it moved and twitched.

_So this is what a demon looks like. It’s not that awful of a look, but something’s off about his wing._

It would probably be rude to comment on it. He noticed Tsukai’s smile twitch the more he stared. Politely, Komaeda averted his gaze.

_Compared to Hinata-kun and Kamukura-kun, Tsukai-san isn’t nearly that strong, I think. Actually, I get the feeling that he’s really fragile. Huh._

 “...so where are we?”

 “We’re at my home, in my dimension,” Tsukai said. “It’s on a different plane of existence from the world of humans, much like the world of angels is. However, it’s a special place that responds to only my signature.”

Komaeda nodded, not really understanding.

“Which means...?”

“Only I and visitors I summon personally can come here,” Tsukai said. “If I ceased to be, this place would fall apart and become easy pickings for any other demon. But for now, this is my space and that is final regardless of how powerful an individual may be. It’s impossible to come here without myself acting as the gateway.”

“...oh...” Komaeda sucked in his breath. “Then... This place is...”

“It’s the safest place imaginable!” Tsukai exclaimed, throwing his arms out with the wildest of grins. “Isn’t that so convenient? Having a space like this is how most demons survive! There are general, more public areas, of course, but a private place really is the best! It provides all the best luxuries! The downside is that I can’t sustain myself by staying here. Such a shame...!”

Positively giddy, Tsukai skipped on ahead.

“Come on, Nagito-kun. Allow me to show you around.” He waved him over. “It’s only fair, right?”

“O-Oh, right.”

_This is a lot to take in at once, but..._

_Somehow_ , Komaeda couldn’t help but think as he slipped his hand into Tsukai’s, marveling slightly at how well they fit together. Somehow it didn’t feel like a bad thing.

* * *

There were various rooms. Each one was lavishly decorated, and of course, there were bathing rooms as well. Luxurious was the perfect word for a place like this.

There were a couple of odd bits of décor, such as several paintings and murals. Some of the paintings looked—off-putting, putting it mildly. One in particular had streaks of color running down as if the very paint had started to bleed. Komaeda could still make out the visage of a woman, one who was—oddly _unpleasant_ to look at. There were other portraits. He didn’t recognize most of them.

But he did recognize Kamukura Izuru, striking and brilliant. Even as a painting, he glowed, framed by several vibrantly red roses. And... Oh.

_His eyes are also roses._

 Komaeda stared and stared, tilting his head.

_Roses... Come to think of it, there were other portraits of a person decorated with roses, too. These images... They exude something...potent. But I can’t tell if it’s—_

“Aah, how troublesome.”

Tsukai had his arms crossed, lower lip jutting out.

“This is one of the downsides to this place,” he said. “In a place like this, such embarrassing things are forcefully put out on display.”

“Embarrassing?” Komaeda asked. “Then I guess I shouldn’t ask about them?”

“I would rather you didn’t, yes,” Tsukai said. “Oh, but that ugly woman you saw... The one with the poisonous smile. She’s a dreadful, wretched being. If you ever see her in person, immediately avert your gaze, Nagito-kun. Or else you might find yourself in the position of the bird wrapped in the snake’s coil.”

“I-I... I see...” _She’s another demon, I assume._ “I... Mm...”

“This place keeps me safe from everything except my thoughts.” Tsukai turned away. “That is all I will say for now. I’d rather not talk too much when they’re watching.”

“Okay.” Komaeda took his hand and squeezed as a means of reassuring the other. “Then, let’s keep walking. Do you have a library, Tsukai-san?”

“Oh, I actually do!” Tsukai lights back up, just like that. “This way, this way! Since you shared your books, I should do the same!”

Komaeda smiled in return, letting himself be pulled along, feeling a tinge of relief.

_Tsukai-san really isn’t a bad person._

* * *

“I... Oh, wow... It’s big... Bigger than mine... And even Hinata-kun’s...”

“Isn’t it? Are you impressed, Nagito-kun?”

“I’m more overwhelmed, I think.”

“Well, that’s a fair response! But the bed is super comfortable, at least.”

Even the bed seemed vast, Komaeda thought. But he walked up to it, tugging the canopy aside and placing a hand on the surface. When he pushed down, his hand sunk, the texture spongy and supple. Komaeda flushed, thinking about just how heavenly it would be to sleep on such a thing.

“Tsukai-san... You really do live comfortably... But...” He pulled away. “It must have been lonely, living in such a big place by yourself.”

“A little,” Tsukai admitted, laughing. “Really, most of this is overcompensating, I admit. Is it to your liking?”

“It’s a beautiful home,” Komaeda said honestly. “I really am grateful that you showed it to me, Tsukai-san, even though we’ve only just met.”

“Well...” Tsukai shrugged. “Well, we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other. So it’s best to get as settled in as possible.” He gestured. “So, if you wish to change the interior to more suit your liking, don’t hesitate, Nagito-kun.”

“...huh?”

Komaeda blinked and then frowned in complete confusion.

“Why would I do that? Why would I wish that? Tsukai-san, this is...”

“This is where you’ll be staying from now on,” Tsukai said as if it were obvious. “This is to be your room, Nagito-kun.”

_W...what?_

“I-I’m sorry?”

“Either Kamukura-sama or Hinata-kun should have told you,” Tsukai went on, brow furrowing. “Hinata-kun’s place just isn’t safe enough. You would need to be moved someplace safer.” He held out his arms. “As I’ve said, this place is as safe as can be. No angel can ever come here, even if they wanted to. I would never allow it.”

Komaeda stood there, slack-jawed and eyes wide.

“Hinata-kun...agreed to this...?”

“I’ve never spoken to him, so I don’t know,” Tsukai replied. “But Kamukura-sama was the one who suggested it. I assume that he talked it over with Hinata-kun. You look troubled, Nagito-kun.”

_I **am** troubled. I didn’t expect this at all._

Komaeda bit his lower lip, head ducking and hands shaking.

_Tsukai-san and I only just met, so it feels wrong to impose on him like this, but... He’s right. I can’t just stay in Hinata-kun’s home forever. If another angel ever discovered us—everything would be ruined. I don’t want...to burden him like that. I’ve tried to leave before, but he just wouldn’t let me, and now..._

And now...?

_Just like that... I have another place to go... The home of my demon half... Someone who I could just kill if I wanted to be an angel again. I don’t understand._

“I don’t understand,” Komaeda said aloud. “Tsukai-san, why are you doing this? Is it really just because Kamukura-sama asked you? I... I’m _dangerous_ to you...”

Tsukai blinks at him.

“...it’s not because I’m _that_ lonely, I assure you,” he said. “And it’s not just as a favor to Kamukura-sama, either. It’s more...curiosity, really. Among other benefits.” He smiled cheerfully. “A fallen angel could be quite the bodyguard, don’t you think?”

_Bodyguard?!_

“I said that I didn’t want to hurt anyone...!”

“I know that. You know that.” Tsukai’s smile didn’t change, remaining serene and calm. “But not everyone _needs_ to know that. I’m not expecting you to physically defend me except when it’s absolutely necessary. You would do that under normal circumstances though, wouldn’t you? If I was being threatened, wouldn’t you help me, Nagito-kun?”

“I-I...” Komaeda averted his gaze. “I wouldn’t just...stand by idly... You’re right.”

“See? We’ll both be keeping each other safe! It’s a mutually beneficial relationship!” Tsukai claps in delight. “Yaaaay! How wonderful! _Hopeful_ , even!”

_Hopeful..._

At the very least, that wasn’t a bad word.

Once again, Tsukai takes his hands and squeezes.

“Please take good care of me, Nagito-kun.”

“I... Likewise... Tsukai-san.”

Somehow, he had a feeling there wasn’t much else he could do. For his own sake, and for Hinata’s, too.

_Still I wonder... How did things turn out like this?_


	5. Compassion; Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angels are driven forward, while the fallen and the demon look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsukai is incredibly troublesome in an already troublesome world.
> 
> Also Tengan is tricky to write. Ah, fun fact: initially that would've been Usami, but I figured that she was just too likeable and nonthreatening, lol. Sorry, Usami. I love you, though. I also wanted to include Kirigiri again as a followup for her earlier scene but I just didn't have the time or energy to shove something in. Whoops.
> 
> Awawawa. Well. It happens.
> 
> I actually rather like this chapter and I hope others do, too.

Hinata Hajime was clearly fretting internally.

“You should relax at least a little, Hinata Hajime.”

Face twisted up, Hinata wrapped his arms tightly around himself with a pained grimace.

“That’s easy for you to say, Kamukura-sama.”

_True. Hinata Hajime wears his heart on his sleeve. Always has. And yet he was able to shelter a fallen and evade suspicion for a considerable amount of time. Hinata Hajime is capable when he is driven enough._

It was a shame that such drive could not be summoned freely. Perhaps that would be too convenient.

_It cannot be helped._

“You are shifting far too much, Hinata Hajime. Your feathers are getting ruffled.”

Hinata straightened himself and then irritably began to preen. The distraction proved some level of efficiency. He was still tense in his shoulders, but—he was calming down. He is beginning to mouth words that Kamukura reads with ease. The words that he is preparing to say when the time comes.

_Hinata Hajime...is certainly someone who tries._

An admirable quality to have, regardless of the person.

_He is weak, but he tries._

Kamukura takes in a deep breath as well. With a silent gesture, he beckons Hinata to follow him onward. Hinata does, and the two walk in what would be absolute silence if not for the clacks of their footsteps against the tiles. In his peripheral, Kamukura notes that Hinata matches his pace easily.

They make their way down the corridor, and then, to the consultation room.

“Greetings,” Kamukura said and stepped aside for Hinata to hurriedly bow. “Please excuse us.”

“I... I decided what job I wanted!” Hinata bursts out the words on instincts, keeping his head down so that he doesn’t see before him.

“Oh, is that so?”

Kamukura clicked his tongue idly, but turned in the proper direction all the same. As he did, the chair swiveled around. The two of them were given a gentle smile, but neither of them relaxed. Hinata was still trembling a little.

“Tengan-san,” Kamukura said. “You had been asking about Hinata Hajime, and he now has an answer.”

“Indeed.” The agreement was light and amiable, and Tengan’s smile widened as his worn hands clasped atop the table. “I had been rather concerned about wayward Hinata-kun. Especially since you said that he was not interested in hunting, Kamukura-kun.”

“That is correct,” Kamukura said, just as Hinata flinched and seemed to shrink on himself. “You said there was nothing wrong with that.”

“That, I did.” Tengan’s gaze flickered over. “So, you need not be so tense, Hinata-kun. As an angel, you should keep your head up.”

“R...Right.” Hinata tried to do that, at least. “I, um... I decided what else I could do...instead of that.”

“Naturally,” Tengan replied cheerfully. “Someone as ambitious as Hinata-kun would not have been satisfied with tedious clerical work for all eternity. I had noticed you were restless, especially as of late.”

Hinata stiffened. He swallowed.

“I’ve had...a lot on my mind.”

“Such things are irrelevant,” Kamukura said. “There is no need to further discuss this matter.”

Tengan chuckled.

“There is nothing wrong with divulging one’s insecurities and uncertainties, especially with Hinata-kun being as young and sheltered as he is. You really are far too protective, Kamukura-kun.”

Kamukura’s eyes narrowed sharply, but he said nothing of the matter.

“T-That’s not what I really wanted to talk about anyway,” Hinata stammered out. “I, um... I’ve been reading and researching things lately... And I realized I have a knack for it. So that’s...what I wanted to talk to you about, Tengan-san.”

“Oh, is that so?” Tengan asked in that same, light voice as before. “So, you want to be a _scholar_ , Hinata-kun?”

Hinata hesitated before nodding.

“That’s...right. I would like to continue learning...and researching.”

“I see, I see.” Tengan nods in approval. “Well, that certainly is an admirable goal.” A pause. Tengan’s expression doesn’t change as he directs his attention to Kamukura. “Kamukura-kun. Please leave us be for a moment.”

Kamukura’s lips twist, but he ducked his head respectfully.

“Very well.”

With that, Kamukura steps out, and the door gives a rather final-sounding shut that makes Hinata jump.

* * *

“Hinata-kun.”

He nearly stumbled over but quickly straightened himself, keeping his head up.

“Y-Yes, Tengan-san?”

“If you wish to be a scholar, then I assume your research has been thorough,” Tengan said. Hinata hurriedly nodded.

“Y-Yes...!”

Tengan’s eyes shut. “In that case... Then recite our origins.”

“E...Eh...?” Hinata’s mind went blank for a moment, and his eyes went up to the window adorning the back wall of the room. The one Tengan had been looking out before they entered. The window exposing only pure white...and light.

_Our origins... If I remember correctly..._

“We were made...from stardust simultaneously with humans, with our two planes connected by thread.”

_Is that right?_

“While demons are born of shadow, we are born of light. We were given the duty of maintaining harmony and exist to humans as divine beings, meant to guide...and to protect.”

_Is any of this right?_

“U-Um... Because we were born alongside humans, we are able to transcend boundaries and interact with them, but...such things are forbidden, of course... Humans, which exist between the light of angels and shadow of demons are... Um...”

_I-I don’t..._

“They’re...representative...of the balance...that we are obligated to maintain...” Hinata’s head hangs. “That’s...right, isn’t it? But...”

_Humans...evoke us when deciding whether to do good things. You could say we’re born of their virtue—and if that’s case... Is maintaining balance...really all there is? Even if—_

Hinata’s eyes squeezed tightly shut.

**_Even if that means killing innocent beings like Nagito, just because they don’t exist within the ‘natural order’—!_ **

“Hinata-kun.”

Hinata’s eyes snapped open, and he was nearly blinded by the light from the window. As he winced, Tengan sighs softly. Hinata shivered.

“I... Um...” He trails off. “I’m sorry, Tengan-san... I don’t...remember everything.”

“I could tell as much,” Tengan said. “So, then, it would go that it is not a general desire to learn that drives you, Hinata-kun.”

“T-That’s...!” Hinata stops himself, mulling over what he could possibly say. “I... I just...”

“It is alright, Hinata-kun,” Tengan said in the most unconvincing and amicable tone. “I just worry. Your expression just then—reminded me of another wayward angel.”

“Oh... I see...” Hinata frowns deeply. “With all due respect, I have no idea what that means. You’ve known countless angels, Tengan-san.”

Tengan laughed at that.

“You’re correct about that. You shouldn’t concern yourself with the past anyhow.” His clasped fingers tighten their grip on one another. “Hinata-kun, you will likely make a remarkable scholar. I’ve no issues with your pursuing this line of work.”

Hinata perked up, eyes brightening.

“T... Thank you, Tengan-san...!”

“I only have one question.”

_Huh...?_

“Yes?” he asked. “What is it?”

“That which drives you...” Tengan’s gaze is piercing. “Would you say it is born of compassion?”

“I... There’s more to it than that...” Hinata spoke honestly. “It’s—because I feel it’s the right thing to do. And I feel that way...very strongly. Passionately, even.”

“Passionately... I see.” Tengan’s eyes shut. And then he smiles like nothing is amiss. “That will be all. Thank you for informing me. Some of the others were worried that you would remain aimless for a while—this will settle those concerns. Continue with your work, Hinata-kun, and good luck.”

“T...Thank you,” he repeated, bowing respectfully. “I, um...”

He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he gave another bow.

“Thank you...”

“Continue to nurture those strong, passionate feelings of yours,” Tengan said. “They may become quite the force, Hinata-kun.”

“I... Oh. Okay.”

_I feel...weird._

Just as Tengan waved him off, Hinata left and shut the door behind him, heart pounding. Ears ringing.

_...those strong, passionate feelings..._

He looked down, blinking with blank, glassy eyes.

_Said feelings are forbidden to have._

“Hinata Hajime.”

Hinata perked up, relaxing a little when he saw it was just Kamukura.

“You are done?” Kamukura asked. “Did things go well?”

“Yeah... I think so.”

“That is good,” Kamukura said.

To that, Hinata could at least agree.

“Yeah...”

_A scholar... Someone who records...and discovers... It might work out. A role like this—I can get closer to the higher council. And then—it may take time, but... I might just be able to change everything for Nagito’s sake._

As long as Komaeda was kept safe until then... As long as there was that.

_Ah... Speaking of which..._

“I...should hurry up with my other business,” he said, brushing his hair back. “Let’s get going, Kamukura-sama.”

“Yes, Hinata Hajime.”

_I hope Nagito’s okay. I really hope he isn’t lonely. Nagito..._

* * *

“Nagito-kun. You’ve been laying there in silence for a while now.”

Komaeda’s eyes drearily fluttered open.

“...have I?” he wondered and stretched. “I suppose... But it’s just too comfortable to get up.”

“Ehe.” The bed dips under the added weight of Tsukai plopping onto the side, but there was more than enough space to not stir Komaeda’s placement in the slightest. “So you’re not in the mood for doing anything else?”

“Not particularly,” Komaeda said. “If you want, you can lay with me, Tsukai-san.”

Tsukai cheerfully takes the invitation, but there’s still a respectable distance between them. Tsukai lays on his side, blatantly keeping his limp wing from pressing against the bed. Komaeda blinks at it, and rolls over, facing the wall instead of Tsukai.

Despite the slight awkwardness of the situation, Komaeda could say that it wasn’t...bad. Truth be told, it was better than staring at the clock in an empty house while waiting for Hinata.

_I’ve only been here for a little while... I still don’t know much about Tsukai-san, even though we’re..._

Tsukai yawns suddenly, distracting him briefly from his thoughts.

_Ah._

Tsukai was tracing creases in the blankets, humming as he did. He seemed a little tired and yet, in spite of the yawn, Komaeda could somehow tell he had no intention of dozing off. When he noticed Komaeda’s staring, however, Tsukai gave an easygoing smile and wave.

“...Um.”

Tsukai blinks at him, eyes expectant and bright. It’s—a little unsettling.

_This person is housing me just as Hinata-kun had. I should at least..._

“I haven’t thanked you yet. Please forgive me, Tsukai-san,” he spoke quickly. “I... Thank you. So much. I’ll do my best to not be a burden.”

Tsukai pushed himself up, and then he reached out. Komaeda flinched, but all Tsukai did was pluck up one of the feathers that had flaked off his wings.  He holds it up, observing it more carefully, humming thoughtfully.

“Even your feathers give off an unmistakable aura... I think I’ll keep this with me as a precaution, ehe.” Tsukai giggles. “I already have one of Kamukura-sama’s feathers. I had to pull it off though. He said I could.”

Komaeda blinked a few times.

“Tsukai-san, what exactly is...your relationship with Kamukura-sama?”

“My relationship?” Tsukai echoes. He hums once more, twirling around the ashen feather. “Mm, well...”

* * *

“I love you.”

He perks up, blinking a few times. Kamukura Izuru’s gaze remained unstirred, locked onto his very being. Crimson rose eyes hardly even shimmer, but the intensity remains.

“Kamukura-sama...” He starts off with his usual smile. “No, you don’t. You’re in love with the angel and projecting onto the demon.”

“No, Nagito.”

“I’m a demon,” he insisted. “You couldn’t possibly love me.”

“And yet I do.” The words are low, burrowing into his very being, leaving him shaken and yet rooted to the ground as Kamukura Izuru strides towards him. The distance between them becomes scant, negligible, and Kamukura looms over him. Radiant grandeur, divine beauty. In that moment, he could’ve suffocated in the shadow of such a splendor. “I love you, Nagito.”

“Kamukura-sama, I...”

Kamukura draws him into his arms, wings wrapping around him. He shivered from the sensation of such secure yet gentle warmth. Kamukura’s fingers thread through his hair, hand cupping his cheek. It tingled so frightfully and pleasantly.

“I... I love you as well, Kamukura-sama.”

_How can I not say that in a situation such as this._

“But!” he gasped out despite leaning desperately into that wonderful angel’s touch. “B-But it’s wrong...! I... Oh if only I weren’t a demon...!”

Kamukura silences him with a finger to his lips.

“I do not care about any of that. Forbidden or not, my love for you remains... Nagito.”

“K-Kamukura-sama...” He stammers, eyes beginning to sting with tears as Kamukura draws in ever closer. So tenderly, Kamukura kisses his tears away. He shivers, but Kamukura holds him steady. “Ah... Ah, Kamukura-sama... I really, really love you... I...”

He trails off as Kamukura’s lips brush oh so lightly against his own. Like the flutter of butterfly wings.

“Nagito, will you stay with me?”

“Y...” His breath catches, but he manages. “Yes, of course... I... Iz...”

* * *

“...at least, that’s what I’ve read in a book before,” Tsukai says, waving his hand. “Was that romantic enough?”

“I-I...” _Actually..._ “I think I’ve read that one. Maybe I’m wrong.”

Tsukai laughs. Komaeda’s brow furrows.

“So...the two of you aren’t...”

_Come to think of it... Tsukai-san’s feelings seem..._

If he focused, he could almost see them. Swirling, dark tendrils that encircled Tsukai’s being. An eddying mass that clung to the light in Tsukai’s gaze and the corners of that calm, sunny smile. It was as if Tsukai could be dragged under any moment, and yet...

_It’s not as if he doesn’t have strong feelings. But._

“We’re not like you and Hinata-kun,” Tsukai said simply. “Of course not. Kamukura-sama may be too kind to push me away, but he’s also too wise to pull me in. That connection that existed between us in my unreachable memories has been severed. And I’m the one who severed it.”

Komaeda’s lips part into a surprised _o_ before his mouth closes, lips pressing tightly together in a complicated expression.

“Besides,” Tsukai murmurs under long, swan-wing eyelashes. “I _exist_ for a much higher purpose.” He touches the choker around his neck. “Something even grander, even brighter—a blinding force of absolute good that will burn everything in its light. For that reason, I can accept my being a demon.”

_...I don’t understand._

In that moment, perhaps, Tsukai could have dragged him under as well. But, Tsukai’s smile fades a bit, and he scoots away, putting more distance between them.

“You’re not to come until later, Kamukura-sama, as well,” Tsukai said, wrapping his arms around himself. “Once I’ve accomplished everything, then...”

_...you can kill me._

The meaning was clear.

“I... I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Komaeda found himself saying. “I doubt—how I feel is going to change, Tsukai-san. So, rather than hope for whatever you’re hoping for... Maybe, you should...accept Kamukura-sama’s feelings?”

Tsukai was quiet. He was quiet for a considerable amount of time. Long enough for the silence to go from disturbing to awkward.

Just as Komaeda grimaced, hesitating on saying something else, Tsukai burst out laughing.

And it sounded like it _hurt_.

Tsukai wheezes, wiping at his eyes, and even though his eyes are alit, there’s something shadowy about that crooked smile of his.

“You really, really are cute,” Tsukai says, almost breathlessly. He rubs at his throat. “You really don’t understand anything, do you?”

Komaeda reddened and averted his gaze in shame.

_It’s true. I don’t really know much of anything. But... But._

“I know how I feel, at least,” he muttered, puffing his cheeks. “So I would appreciate it if you didn’t laugh at me.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Unsurprisingly, it hardly sounds genuine. Tsukai is just waving his hand. “Nagito-kun... Do you know what kind of angel we used to be?”

Immediately, Komaeda’s ears perk.

“...what kind...?”

“Kamukura-sama is an angel of temperance,” Tsukai said.

“Hinata-kun is an angel of compassion,” Komaeda returned.

“Right. So, then...” Tsukai brushes his hair back, smile widening. “What kind of angel was Komaeda Nagito?”

_...what kind, indeed... How would I know that?_

Tsukai slips off the bed, brushing himself off.

“It’s fickle yet stubborn. Selfish and selfless. Constructive. Destructive. The ultimate contradiction, born of both despair and hope. Wonderful. Wretched. It is blinding, and yet, enlightening.” He pinches at a lock of hair before turning back. “This feeling... When you think of those two, doesn’t it become clear?”

_...ah. Of course._

“It’s...love, isn’t it?” Komaeda asked. “Komaeda Nagito was...an angel of love.”

Tsukai doesn’t turn back to him, but he does nod.

“Yes, that’s right.” A pause. “Ironic, then, how things turned out. Komaeda Nagito falls because of hate... It’s funny. So funny. Don’t you think so?”

_...because of hate...?_

For whatever reason, Komaeda knew that woman in the painting was somehow involved.

_Tsukai-san...is the one who remembers...and still carries that hatred... Meanwhile, I don’t remember anything. It’s sad. So sad._

“Kamukura-sama and Hinata-kun might both fall because of love, because of someone who can no longer represent it,” Tsukai goes on. “How strange this world is. So unpleasant. So _rotten_. But it’s okay.” Tsukai seems to be talking more to himself. “It’s okay. Goodness will absolutely win in the end. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll tear myself further apart if I have to.”

“...”

_It’s so very...pitiful._

“Tsukai-san,” Komaeda says, and he reaches out. “I don’t think...”

When Tsukai turned back...

Something very strange happened.

* * *

“I am not interested. I am _not_ interested. Did you not _hear_ me?”

“...I did. But I wanted to see your face.”

...

“Oh, no! Don’t topple the chair! I don’t remember you being so jumpy. Maybe I have the wrong person?”

...

_When I was born, I remember nothing of the world but **ash**. I remembered nothing of myself except for **desire**._

_It had been cold. Dark. Very lonely._

_But... I remembered... There was someone I **needed** to meet..._

_...and someone that I **wanted** to meet._

“So... Are you, by any chance, Kamukura?”

* * *

 

_...ah, huh...?_

* * *

“...Komaeda Nagito.”

**_That isn’t me anymore._ **

“Hmm? What is it?”

“...do you recall...a letter?”

“A letter?”

_I..._

_For some reason, I feel sick..._

Still, he had kept smiling.

“No, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

“...I see. Then, it is of no consequence.”

_I feel **really** sick, but... Kamukura Izuru’s expression just then... How could I ignore it?_

“Did I write you one before...?”

“...”

_That face he’s making... How could I ignore it?_

“Is _that_ what happened?! I wrote you a letter?! I guess that memory didn’t carry over... Hmm.”

“...I see.”

“Um. Do you maybe want to ask me something else, Kamukura-sama?”

“...do you remember how we met?”

_Oh. I actually know the answer to this—!_

“I used to catch glimpses of you on the training grounds. Sometimes I’d watch you while hiding. But you noticed me anyway, right?”

“...yes.”

“Aha! I thought so!”

_Kamukura Izuru’s...expression..._

* * *

 

_Just...what... **is** this...?_

* * *

“Truth be told, it’s only around you that I can even relax. And I get lonely easily.”

“Is that really true?”

“It’s the truth. Why did you ask?”

...

“Kamukura-sama... Mm... There’s something wrong with your smell. What’s that you’ve been carrying?”

“You sensed this.”

“...is that...?”

“It is.”

“...I think I can probably guess as to why you’d show that to me, Kamukura-sama. I’m really good at lucky guesses.”

...

“What’s he like? He’s my better half, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“You should. Because that would be better for you, Kamukura-sama.”

_...because._

“He’s the one you want, right?” he asked cheerfully. “He’s the only one who can become the one you _really_ want.”

Kamukura Izuru had stiffened at that. Earlier, he had flinched. He should have expected these words, and yet—it really was strange.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t know?” he asked, more seriously. Even though it’s strange. This isn’t what he actually _wanted_ to ask, and yet, it’s what comes out. “This information isn’t exactly hard to come by. Especially when you’re a demon. If you don’t _know_ , you won’t survive.”

Kamukura Izuru didn’t say anything. Rather, it was as if he couldn’t say anything. Was it because it didn’t know what to say, or because it was too _painful_ to say?

_Can’t you tell me? Don’t you realize how despairingly unreadable you are? Kamukura-sama?_

“Kamukura-sama...”

_Please. **Please**. At least say something reassuring. For whatever reason—I want to hear that from you. Even if it’s a lie. I just want you to give me something. I’d rather have something over nothing._

“...”

_...aha, but...of course...that isn’t going to happen..._

“Hey, Kamukura-sama...tell me. Was part of why you’re being so kind...because you feel guilty about being glad to find the person meant to kill me?”

_All there is in Kamukura-sama’s expression right now is darkness._

**_Painful, miserable darkness..._ **

He can’t help but laugh.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said, grin stretching so wide that it began to hurt. But maybe, just maybe, he was imagining it. “That’s such a cruel question to ask. You don’t have to answer. It’d be even crueler to expect an answer.”

Kamukura’s lips twitched oh so slightly. And in that moment, _ah_ —

Sunlight filtered through the leaves, shining on Kamukura’s face. Bringing a glitter to those blood red eyes. Bringing _light_.

_Beautiful. So beautiful. It hurts. It’s so beautiful._

In that moment, he wanted to reach out and entangle his fingers within that light. He wanted to wrap himself up in it, to be consumed just as he had been blinded. He wanted that, so much, but...

...but the darkness yanks him back. It pulls him under. He remembers.

Ah, _right_.

Right, _right_ , **_right_**...

_It’s not...just Kamukura-sama..._

_...for me, as well..._

“Nagito...” Kamukura takes his hands, and it keeps him from sinking further, but it does not keep him from continuing to suffocate. “It is not like that.”

“Ah...is that so?”

_It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because—_

* * *

Komaeda Nagito is suffocating.

_It hurts._

_It hurts, it **hurts**!_

* * *

  _It’s not just Kamukura-sama._

_For me, too, **love** is forbidden._

_Because, you see... I exist because of_ **hate** _._

* * *

Somewhere on the bottom, something is lurking.

And whatever it is—it’s dragging Komaeda Nagito further and further down, wrapping itself around him, covering his mouth so that he can’t scream, and covering his eyes so that he can’t see.

_It hurts. It really hurts. Both my throat and my eyes—sting so badly._

He can’t hear anything. And all he feels is a cold heaviness that gets colder and heavier the further down he goes.

_...but... **but**..._

* * *

_I have to shut my eyes. I mustn’t call out. If I do, it’ll all be over. I’ve made my decision. I can’t turn back._

_It’s not like there’s any point._

_Kamukura-sama is an angel, after all._

_And angels—are not going to kill her._

_Because she’s ‘useful’. Because she can be ‘controlled’._

_Even though she killed—!_

...

Hey...do you understand, now?

Haven’t you heard... _enough_?

None of this

_involves_

**_you._ **

**Komaeda Nagito-kun.**

* * *

**_Thud!!_ **

“O... _Oww_...!”

His body was throbbing all over, and he could finally breathe. When he could finally come to, he registered that he was sprawled across the floor, on his back, with his legs still propped up atop the bed.

_I...must have fallen off. How clumsy of me._

It hurt. It really hurt. His head and back— _really_ hurt.

And someone was looming over him, their figure fuzzy as his vision struggled to focus.

“...Fallen-san. The one who is still Komaeda Nagito-kun...”

Slowly but surely, his vision started to focus. And he could see Tsukai’s expression just then.

“You really are rather troublesome.”

_...ah._

In that moment, despite Tsukai being illuminated by the glow of that room—his gaze then was one that no light could ever possibly reach. There hadn’t even been the characteristic bright smile upon his lips. Instead, his mouth was pulled into a straight, solemn line.

“T-Tsu...” His voice came out a bit slurred, affected by the continued throbbing of his head that left him wincing. “Tsukai-san... Y-You...”

_So that’s...what you’re doing to yourself. I don’t know the details, but... So that’s how it is._

“...” Tsukai averts his gaze, but other than that, his expression hardly shifts. “I definitely made a mistake in going along with Kamukura-sama’s pleads. I severely underestimated the risks. And now I’m paying for it.” He sighs. “How unfortunate but oh so expected of someone as wretched as I am.”

Komaeda flinched, instinctively swallowing out of nerves and nearly biting his tongue.

“Well,” Tsukai says, as he runs his fingers through the feathers of his bad wing. “It can’t be helped. Maybe good luck will come from it. Even though I’d rather nothing come from it. By all accounts, I should toss you out and into some random streets... But I can’t do that. Forget the face Kamukura-sama would make and whatever that Hinata Hajime might do to me... I’m not such a coward and a monster. Even as a demon, I have standards, you know.”

“...I wouldn’t actually know that,” Komaeda found himself replying. “After all, I don’t know any other demons.” A pause. “I don’t really want to, either, if they’re all as troublesome as you are, Tsukai-san.”

_That much is true. Even if I could come to understand Tsukai-san completely... He’s—different from other demons. Because he’s my other half, and because... An angel is in love with him._

He wondered, idly, Tsukai would appreciate such sentiments. Unsurprisingly, he heavily doubted it.

“Nagito-kun,” Tsukai said. “I should say that love itself is far more troubling than I am. Shouldn’t you agree? After all, were not for love—neither Hinata-kun nor Kamukura-sama would be in such troubling predicaments.”

“...”

_He’s right. Of course. Love is...extremely troubling. Still._

Komaeda pushes himself up, shifting so that he can face Tsukai more properly.

“And yet... Do you think either of them would say they’d rather none of this happened?” Komaeda asked. “Even if it’s difficult to understand—I know Hinata-kun wouldn’t feel that way.”

_Aah, Hinata-kun. Sweet, compassionate Hinata-kun. Soft-hearted, fragile Hinata-kun. Even now, thinking of you makes me happy in a way I never would’ve thought possible. But, it’s so troubling, too. Despite that._

“For me, Hinata-kun’s love is my reason for being here...and wanting to be here. Impertinent as it may be, I can’t not treat that as such an invaluable, wonderful thing,” he said. “I may not fully understand Tsukai-san, but... Kamukura-sama, he...”

_He does care about him. Tsukai-san does. But... His feelings...are wrapped up in such a maelstrom._

Tsukai hums, and then, he places a hand against his cheek, eyes fluttering shut as he smiles.

“Kamukura-sama really is such a precious being. There’s no doubting that.” Just like that, the smile drops. “Which really makes the situation all the more troublesome. If only Kamukura-sama had pushed me away, I can’t help but think. If only Kamukura-sama could continue being the ideal angel, and never strayed towards that forbidden thing that you call love. If only I hadn’t approached him at all. If only. But ‘what ifs’ are such a worthless thing to dwell over.”

Komaeda had nothing to say about that in particular.

_It doesn’t even really matter. Regardless of the excuses—what’s important are the emotions._

“...hey, Tsukai-san...”

_If none of that really matters..._

“What do you plan to do, then? In regards to him?” Komaeda adds, almost like an afterthought, “In regards to me?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tsukai said cheerfully. “As long as you both know your places and respect boundaries, it doesn’t matter at all what either of you do.”

Komaeda’s mouth fell open briefly before his face pinched up in distaste.

“Tsukai-san... That’s cold.”

Tsukai, for what it was worth, didn’t continue smiling.

“That’s survival,” he said instead, turning on his heel. “It’s necessary, Nagito-kun.”

“No, that’s wrong! Surviving like that is just despairingly _hollow_!”

The words were resounding and reverberating. For one brief moment, Tsukai paused in his step.

“...I’m sure of it,” Komaeda murmured. “I’m absolutely sure of it.”

Tsukai breathed in, and then he breathed out.

“So troublesome.”

And on that note, Tsukai stepped out.

Komaeda didn’t call out to him, instead leaving both of them to simmer in the atmosphere created by those heavy feelings.


	6. Temperance; Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future awaits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Here's the last chapter! Um... What else is there to say, huh...?
> 
> This was fun to write but it was also a lot of hell. I sure hope the other person liked it. I still don't know if they did. Anyway. I hope y'all enjoy. Thank you to everyone who comments and gives kudos!
> 
> I wouldn't have been able to write this if not for my dear friend. I hope I did these ideas justice even though I had to change some things. It really was rough. I'm sorry that a lot of details had to be skimped out on for the sake of time. And I might not have the confidence to return to it. Still... I really do hope this is good as it is.
> 
> If you have anything to say, please say it. Warm regards, all the same.

With how that fallen had reached out to him—he couldn’t help but be curious. Curiosity was such a dangerous thing. He deeply underestimated just how much the fallen Komaeda Nagito would _see_. It almost felt like a violation.

_I shoved him out before things got too out of hand—but I shouldn’t have let things get so far in the first place._

Especially now with his head swimming in the memories that Komaeda Nagito dragged out.

Like how Kamukura Izuru had approached him after _that_ day.

“Nagito.”

And just how Kamukura Izuru said that _unpleasant_ name.

“I...”

_And how Kamukura Izuru had hesitated!_

“There is something... I would like to request of you.”

_Ah_ , what a moment that had been!

“If your fallen half is discovered, Hinata Hajime will face the most dire of consequences,” Kamukura Izuru had said. “It is too risky to hide him in either of our lodgings. We are both too closely observed. Thus... There needs to be a different route taken.”

“So you want him to kill me?” he asked it cheerfully as expected of him. “Well, I deeply apologize but that’s not going to happen. I have no intention of dying yet, you see.”

“It is not like that.” Funny. Kamukura Izuru almost sounded as desperate as he had back then. He’s still not sure if he imagined that or not. “Nagito... I wish to ask something else of you.”

“With those eyes of yours—how could I say no?”

That hadn’t been an entirely joking statement.

But he was still taken aback by Kamukura Izuru’s response.

“Nagito... Please hide him.” It really was surprising. “He will not hurt you. I know this. So please... Hide him within your residence. In your realm. Where no angels can possibly go looking.”

“...that’s...quite the request.”

“I am aware.” Kamukura Izuru ducked his head. “I am very aware. You would be justified in refusing.”

“I...” Suddenly, he spoke without thinking, not even fully believing the words as they came out. “I didn’t say I would refuse. What’s in it for me?”

“Anything.” The answer was immediate. “Anything you desire that I can provide, Nagito.”

_What I desire is you._

**_Anything is such a dangerous promise to make._ **

“Then...can you promise me something, Kamukura-sama?”

“It would depend on the promise.”

_Ah. Well, I should have known. Kamukura Izuru isn’t completely reckless._

It’s such a relief that he says something beyond idiotic.

“Then, you’ll cook breakfast for me, right?” He’s even smiling like an idiot as he says it. “I’ve always wanted to try your cooking, Kamukura-sama.”

“That...would not be an issue, Nagito.” Even Kamukura Izuru seemed a bit bemused, not that it was easy to tell. “You may request that whenever you wish. It would only be fair, after all.”

“That’s what I thought!” He laughed, voice breaking and wheezing. “Then, then, that’s settled.”

_It’s settled, huh?_

“Maybe having a fallen around would be interesting. I am pretty curious about him after all. Fallens are also really powerful, aren’t they? That could be useful.”

_Is that really all there is to it? Is it?_

Kamukura Izuru had a strange expression, then, and somehow, he was able to tell just what the other was thinking.

“Oh, I wouldn’t even dream of getting him entangled in demon affairs.” That much was true. Just the idea of that wretched woman glancing in his fallen counterpart’s direction was enough to get his skin crawling. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll keep him safe to the best of my meager abilities. It should be fine if he behaves.”

Kamukura nodded.

“...thank you, Nagito. I owe you a great deal.”

“Yes,” he agreed cheerfully, feeling like he could scream. “You really, truly do, Kamukura Izuru-sama.”

**_Please don’t look at me like that._ **

Just thinking about it made him sick.

_“Kamukura-sama is in love with you.”_

It’s absolutely _sickening_.

_“Rather than hope for whatever you’re hoping for... Maybe, you should accept Kamukura-sama’s feelings?”_

As if that’s acceptable.

He braced himself against the wall, curling over, covering his mouth, tail flickering in irritation.

_As if I **could** accept them._

He couldn’t. He absolutely couldn’t.

_Kamukura-sama is precious. He’s precious. Meanwhile, something like me..._

He shook his head furiously.

_Love like that...it’s unacceptable. I’m not the kind of creature that should be loved in the first place. Even if I love Kamukura-sama so dearly... I..._

**_I need to stop thinking. This is far, far too dangerous._ **

He shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself.

_Kamukura-sama..._

“U... Urgh...”

**_Kamukura-sama...!_ **

* * *

As a demon, he’s used to prolonged moments of sickness and suffering. Stress is a familiar thing to demons. He’d managed before, and he manages now.

He might have ended up resting for too long, because when he goes to check on the fallen Komaeda Nagito, he finds that he’s standing before those wretched paintings. Thankfully, it’s not one of _her_. It’s of—someone else.

“It’s such a melancholy portrait,” Komaeda Nagito says. “Those blue petals really do look like tears.” His brow furrows curiously. “Tsukai-san, did you paint these?”

“Heavens no, I can barely write much less paint,” he replied, laughing just a bit. He isn’t the slightest bit amused, of course. “When I created this place, these paintings were just...here. I suppose they’re just another figment of my mind. Symbolic though, aren’t they?”

“They’re disturbing,” Komaeda said. “Some of them are of people suffering. Is every single one of them someone you know?”

“Not...always.” Even though he can’t really explain those. “Nagito-kun, are you here for a reason other than to rudely gawk? How would you feel if I cracked open your skull and made faces at the insides, hmm?”

Komaeda stiffened, grimacing at him.

“That almost sounds like a threat.”

“I assure you that it isn’t,” he said. “It’s merely a rhetorical question.”

“Your rhetoric sounds threatening.”

“I apologize,” he said, cheerfully and insincerely. “That isn’t my intention, I assure you.”

Komaeda’s frown deepened into an almost pout. And then, he shrugged.

“Actually, I was curious about Kamukura-sama’s painting,” Komaeda said. “If I created a painting like this—I wonder what Hinata-kun’s would look like.”

He doesn’t dare look at the painting in question, and it still prickles at him like thorns digging into his skin.

“It’s beautiful,” Komaeda says. “Whatever your feelings for Kamukura-sama are—they must be beautiful, albeit in a twisted way.”

“ _You’re_ twisted,” he retorted. “So twisted. How dare you say that to me.”

“I mean no offense, Tsukai-san,” Komaeda replies with genuine innocence. He hates it. If possible, he wanted to tear it to shreds. But he holds back, merely biting his lip as Komaeda holds up his hands apologetically. “I...worry about you, Tsukai-san.”

“I’m not someone you should concern yourself with.”

Komaeda bristles at that.

“I’m not sure how you expect me to even be unconcerned under these circumstances,” Komaeda said. “That’s just unreasonable.”

_Unreasonable? Me? Isn’t that everyone else? It must be._

It feels so childish to think, so he just shakes his head.

“Perhaps I should just leave you be, then.”

With that, he turns away. Except Komaeda trails after him.

“We’re going to be living together,” Komaeda points out. “We should learn more about each other.”

“There’s no need for that.”

“Don’t be like that,” Komaeda reprimanded. “After all, we’re both curious about each other. Which is only natural.” And then, a laugh. “Tsukai-san’s definitely as interesting as he is irritating.”

He bites his tongue but doesn’t answer.

“I wonder what Kamukura-sama sees in you,” Komaeda says. “Then again, I also wonder what Hinata-kun sees in me. Do you have any idea, Tsukai-san?”

“Not really.”

“Somehow I had a feeling you’d say that!”

Komaeda laughs again and it’s grating, but—he’d be lying if he didn’t see the same humor in it.

_Really... What is wrong with those two?_

If it were nothing personal, if it was just because those two angels were too kind for their own good, well, that would be one thing. But to have _love_ involved made it so—incomprehensible.

_It really doesn’t make sense at all. Creatures like us shouldn’t be loved in the first place, right? And isn’t it forbidden either way? It just makes no sense._

Komaeda suddenly grips his hand, making him jump.

“Um...” Komaeda is hesitant, perhaps even a little shy. “Maybe it’s not supposed to... Make sense, I mean. That _is_ what you’re thinking right now, right, Tsukai-san?”

_Aha._

“Still, I worry,” Komaeda sighs. “Because... I love Hinata-kun, too. And I want him to be happy.”

“Hinata-kun likely wants to be happy with you,” he can’t help but say. “Poor Hinata-kun.”

“Poor Kamukura-sama,” Komaeda said.

“...”

He can’t bring himself to say anything further.

For what it’s worth, his other half respects that. Thus, they walk in silence.

* * *

They only spend a few days together, but that’s enough to get a good grasp of the other’s character. He’s sure that both of them feel this way. What a strange feeling it is.

Strange and unsettling. He had been so isolated until he met Kamukura Izuru again. And, well, Kamukura Izuru was only connected to him due to the existence that was cast aside. He supposed, then, that the fallen Komaeda Nagito should be the same, but...

When the two of them would talk about mundane things, he really couldn’t help but wonder.

It was such a short amount of time, and it all felt so sudden. It had been sudden with Kamukura Izuru, too.

Things changed too quickly. It was overwhelming. And yet, it couldn’t be helped. Obviously.

_Obviously._

When the two of them return to Hinata Hajime’s residence, he finds himself pressed to his other half’s back, as if Komaeda Nagito provided a well-needed barrier. Of course, that doesn’t last because the first thing his other half does once given the opportunity is rush straight into an angel’s arms.

“Hinata-kun! I missed you so much!”

“A-Ack, Nagito!”

At the very least, Hinata Hajime is what he expected. He’s embracing Komaeda Nagito tightly, as if fearful of the inevitable moment of separation. He’s holding him so close, stroking his hair and wrapping him in his wings. Komaeda Nagito must be surrounded by such warmth.

_Ah. I feel envious. How disgusting._

“You weren’t too lonely, right?” Hinata is asking worriedly. Komaeda shakes his head.

“Not really. Tsukai-san wasn’t bad company, after all.”

“Tsukai...?”

Hinata’s gaze flickers to himself, and his eyes widen. Remembering that this is the first time they’ve met formally, he waves politely. But Hinata still balks rudely.

“A-A _demon_?! You’re—!”

“The demon half of Komaeda Nagito,” Kamukura says, and he’s suddenly between him and Hinata. Even though Komaeda is still clinging to Hinata as Hinata tries to shove him behind him. As if he means to protect him. Kamukura does not move from his place. As if...he means to protect him. “He is not a threat, Hinata Hajime.”

“Aha, if anything, Nagito-kun’s the threat,” he chirps, irritated and stepping around Kamukura Izuru. Except, he’s pulled back. Which is a surprise, of course, but not so much that he ceases in his speech. “Because, after all, he has reason to want me dead. Isn’t that _right_?”

“That’s...right.” Hinata concedes it, but he’s eying them both in such confusion and suspicion. “So then why are you helping us?”

“Um... Because Kamukura-sama asked?” He’s not sure what else to say here. “And having a fallen around is actually pretty useful. Just his feathers ward off other demons.”

“Is that so...?”

“Yes, yes.” A pause. “Hey, Kamukura-sama... Let go of me already. Hinata-kun’s not going to do anything.”

Kamukura releases him, silent and tight-lipped as ever.

Hinata still looks wary, but that’s all it is. Wariness. He’s on guard, but, Komaeda tugs his arm.

“Tsukai-san isn’t a bad person,” he says. “He has good taste in books.”

_Is that really all you can say about me, Nagito-kun?_

“I’m just surprised,” Hinata said, and he’s not looking at himself anymore, but at Kamukura Izuru. “I didn’t think you would request the help of a demon, of all things. You never mentioned that, Kamukura-sama. You still haven’t even told me how you got to _know_ him.”

“That information is not necessary to know,” Kamukura replied. And then, his eyes narrow at Komaeda. “ _‘Tsukai-san?’_ ”

He simply smiles when Kamukura’s eyes flicker briefly towards him. But Komaeda still answers.

“That’s what he said to call him... So that we don’t get confused. After all, we’re both Komaeda Nagito.”

“I see.”

“Tsukai, then?” Hinata asks. “That’s a weird name.”

“It’s symbolic,” he chirps. “Just like your name, Hinata Hajime-kun. At least it isn’t also _plain_.”

Hinata flustered at that.

“O- _Oi_...!”

“Hinata-kun has a wonderful name! Don’t listen to him!” Komaeda exclaimed, glaring at him for having dared to suggest otherwise. “Tsukai-san is just a jerk. As expected of a demon.”

“Hinata-kun started it!” he pointed out, feigning hurt. “He called my name weird! Isn’t that _mean_?!”

“U-Urk...!” Between the two of them, Hinata looked incredibly awkward, but then, rubbing at his nape, he bowed his head. “Actually, that’s...right. I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry, Tsukai.”

_...ah, huh?_

“Um...” Hinata averts his gaze, keeping his voice low. “Thanks...a lot. For agreeing to help. Tsukai. Even though this is a great risk to you, too—you really aren’t a bad guy. If Kamukura-sama and Nagito trust you, then... I will, too.”

_...ah. Huh._

“I would prefer to be thought of as an asset rather than an ally,” he found himself saying. “After all, I have more important businesses to attend to. I’m only involved because I was kindly asked and because it would benefit me. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not a good person.”

Hinata flinched, but Komaeda just scoffed.

“Tsukai-san, you’re _incorrigible_.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be focused on me,” he adds. “You two haven’t seen each other for days. You’ve got catching up to do. I’m going to go outside for a bit. The weather outside is lovely.”

“It’s been raining so it’s all muddy,” Hinata pointed out. “It’s stopped for now, but it’ll probably start again soon.”

“I like rain,” he said. “So that isn’t a problem. Rain makes for such a romantic atmosphere too, doesn’t it?”

Hinata reddened. Komaeda’s cheeks pinked as well. Giggling, he left it at that, waving them off as he stepped outside.

There was a light mist, leaving droplets clinging to his skin and feathers. It really was so pleasant it earned a shiver.

After the rain, and indeed, even before it, the atmosphere could be so refreshing. He relaxes, even as he can’t exactly lean against the wall with his wing being how it was.

_Still, it’s pleasant and nice. I might just be able to forget unpleasantness for but a moment._

“...Nagito.”

Thunder rumbled overhead. Very briefly, he could see a flash of lightning. Wind rustled the leaves.

“You ruined the mood,” he told Kamukura Izuru calmly, with smiling accusation. “But I guess you didn’t wish to third wheel those star-crossed lovers. That’s a little understandable, I suppose.”

Kamukura’s gaze sweeps over him briefly, at his hands burying themselves in the pockets of his coat and the straining curve on his lips. Without another word, Kamukura leans against the wall. He wondered if he should feel insulted by that.

_It doesn’t matter. It’s not like anything can be done about it._

Kamukura would disagree, but whatever.

“How was it?”

He blinks.

“Living with your fallen half,” Kamukura clarified. “He did not hurt you, I hope.”

“Of course not. A puppy like that?” He scoffed at the thought. “He’s not the slightest bit malicious, Kamukura-sama. You should’ve sensed that. He didn’t try anything at all.”

_...wouldn’t it be better if he at least tried?_

“Hinata Hajime is not, either, and he still...” For some reason, Kamukura rubbed his neck. He found it odd but decided against asking about it. It wasn’t his business, after all. “Then again, I suppose there is no reason to make an attempt beyond... _that_.”

_That which is a difficult thing to simply brush aside._

“Even if I told him to go ahead, I really doubt he would,” he said. “So, really, there’s no point in even worrying.”

“So that is how you feel,” Kamukura mused. “Did he ask you any unnecessarily prodding questions, Nagito?”

He blinked a few times, and snorted.

“Considering the things he said, I’m not surprised you’d ask me that,” he replied. “The answer is yes, but I’m not going to elaborate. It’s none of your concern, Kamukura-sama. Or, rather, it’s best for you to be unconcerned.”

Kamukura’s gaze flickered off to the side, and he brushes his hair back. For a moment, he’s distracted by the elegance of Kamukura Izuru’s fingers, the sleekness of ebony strands as they’re tucked behind his ears. He hurriedly looks away, swallowing.

_It’s for the best. But..._

“It really is so troublesome, being caught up in the forbidden affairs of a fallen and an angel,” he grumbled. “I have a mission, after all! One of great importance! I can’t afford to be distracted with such frivolities!”

“You really are intent on her, aren’t you?” Kamukura asked quietly. “Even though she was the one who...?”

He doesn’t finish, but it’s obvious, considering that crimson stare locked on that bad wing of his.

“It’ll be fine,” he says. “Everything will turn out fine. But I still can’t lose sight of my goals, for everyone’s sake. I’ll definitely, definitely see through it until she’s destroyed, and then... I’ll do my best to convince Nagito-kun to kill me.”

_Although..._

“That might be difficult,” he said. “Considering Hinata-kun. Even if Nagito-kun returns to being that angel... What will become of them? Either way, those feelings are forbidden.”

“Perhaps things will change,” Kamukura says. “Perhaps...it should not have been that way in the first place. It is such a limiting existence, I’ve observed. It may indeed be better to live a more fulfilling life as a human.”

_If you were a human, I would only ever be able to hurt you. So it’s a good thing that you’re an angel, Kamukura-sama._

Even if he wanted to say those words, his throat would close up first.

_I mustn’t. I **mustn’t**. I made my choice._

And then, the rain began to fall. He held his hand out, feeling the drops on his fingertips, pulling back before it became a steady downpour.

_An angel and a demon would be a recipe for disaster either way. Perhaps even more so than a fallen and an angel. Still..._

“I would like to see what happens,” he said. “Both for Nagito-kun, and Hinata-kun. They’re both kind people. It would be wonderful if things turned out well.”

“I suppose so.”

_...that’s not a very enthusiastic agreement._

“I envy them,” he went on, smiling brightly. “I don’t know why. They’re so troublesome, and yet—I envy them. Maybe it’s because it seems nice, doesn’t it? Being in love like that. To the point where you’re driven to go against the world. What a wonderful thing it would be, to change things like that.”

Kamukura doesn’t voice his agreement, but somehow he’s sure that he at least agreed.

_You really are so tight-lipped. That’s...a good thing, right? It makes things easier._

“...”

The sound of rain. The clouds growing ever darker. Within these walls, two lovers are together. Despite his coat, he feels a slight chill sinking within his very being.

“Nagito.”

He perks up, blinking blearily, and Kamukura Izuru is offering him one of his wings.

“You may,” Kamukura says. “If you would like.”

_Aha. So dangerous. And, yet._

He’s cold. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. He had told himself as much before. He tells himself that now, as he steps closer and presses up against Kamukura Izuru’s side, shivering as Kamukura Izuru’s wing wraps around him, surrounding him in such grand, wonderful, radiant warmth.

_It really is so warm._

“Nagito...”

He sighs, rubbing his cheek against Kamukura’s arm.

“He told you _that_ about me, correct?”

_...that._

“Please, do not trouble yourself over my regards towards you,” Kamukura says it so quietly that it’s barely above a whisper. “At the same time—is it too much to ask that you not deny such things, as well?”

“You’re talking so vaguely.” He might as well complain. “Do you want me to take you seriously or not, Kamukura-sama?”

“I... Yes. I do. I wish for that.”

It’s pretty rare for Kamukura Izuru to hesitate like that. It’s pretty cute, actually.

“That’s not allowed, but considering Hinata-kun, I guess you don’t care,” he said. “Still... Is it really me that you regard so dearly? I really wonder. As long as I’m unsure—I do not...”

For some reason, he finds himself hesitating as well. Perhaps it’s contagious. How irritating.

_But not as irritating as being unable to lie in a situation like this._

“Well, I’m just making excuses either way. There’s no point, is there?” He sighed. “If even an ignorant fallen who knows nothing of the world can tell... It’s so despairing. I’ve exhausted so much energy smiling and it amounted to nothing. _Despairing_.”

He lets his eyes fall shut, sighing once more. At the very least, it was still warm. And gentle, so very, very gentle.

_Kamukura-sama is tight-lipped, hard to read, and incredibly frustrating to try and understand but... The truth is... In fact..._

Soon, he would need to leave this gentle warmth of a not-quite embrace. Perhaps it would not be so bad to indulge for a bit.

_As expected from a demon like myself. If only the rain could wash away more than just dirt and filth. Still..._

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Thunder rumbled, the clouds rolling. “The sky here—really is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“I suppose.”

Kamukura Izuru gazed upon him with intensity. It was...captivating. That gaze. This warmth. The tenderness with which Kamukura touched his cheek. With a captured gaze, he stills as Kamukura’s fingertips trace his jawline.

“There’s a thrill, isn’t there?” he asked as Kamukura seemed stern. “In storms.”

“I suppose.”

When Kamukura finally leaned in, he only kissed to corner of those stern lips.

“They’re as beautiful as they are thrilling,” he murmured into Kamukura’s ear. “So please, be careful, Kamukura-sama.”

Kamukura kissed his forehead, and that was that.

“...aha...”

Kamukura held him close. In that moment, he could’ve suffocated. In that moment, he should’ve pulled away for both their sakes. And yet, what a wonderful prison Kamukura Izuru made.

_Love really is so troublesome. And, yet._

He couldn’t help but indulge, arms wrapping around the other in return, and face burying itself in Kamukura’s chest.

_That this moment can only be fleeting is what makes it too beautiful to take._

* * *

“I knew they knew each other,” Hinata grumbles to him. “But that they’re actually close—is kinda weird, don’t you think?”

“It is,” Komaeda agreed. “But it’s just coincidence, right?” A pause. “Or, maybe it was faith?”

“It’s almost...contrived... I feel like a higher power is mocking me.”

Komaeda laughed, snuggling into his side and squeezing his hand.

“It’s alright,” he said. “You’re worried, aren’t you, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata shrugs a little and squeezes back.

“He called Tsukai... Nagito, didn’t he? He knew Komaeda Nagito as an angel... So if you remembered...” Hinata trails off. “I feel like it’ll just be a mess.”

“I don’t really want to remember,” Komaeda said. “From what I observed with Tsukai-san, those memories are troublesome. But... I have a feeling you’re worried about something else.”

_Something a little more selfish._

“Do you think that if I were to remember that I’d forget about you?” he asked, quietly, kissing Hinata’s shoulder. “There’s no way that would happen, Hinata-kun. I’m sure of it. You’re way too important to me.”

“Important...” Hinata’s musing, conflicted and insecure. He finally nods. “I shouldn’t even be thinking about myself right now. So let’s not even worry about that, Nagito.”

“Okay, Hinata-kun.”

_You’re so cute._

“Except... I can’t help but worry about you,” Komaeda says, playing with Hinata’s fingers. “Because it’s for my sake that you’re risking so much. That said, I...really do...love you...”

He thought, however briefly, about the two outside. Before he could resume, Hinata spoke up.

“I-I never said it back, right?” Komaeda snapped up, eyes wide as Hinata got all flustered. “I-I... I love you, too, Nagito... Y... Yeah... I feel the same... I don’t just...feel sorry for you. That’s not it.”

Komaeda blinked a few times, and his thoughts went deeper, into that darkness from before.

“Your wings could burn from this.”

“I know,” Hinata grumbled.

“It’s forbidden to love in the first place.”

“I’m aware,” Hinata muttered.

“It’s just so _dangerous_.”

“That’s obvious,” Hinata sighed.

“...I accept your feelings, Hinata-kun.”

“That’s—w- _what_?!”

Hinata nearly jumped, cheeks aflame. Komaeda poked one, marveling and smiling at how soft it was.

“I may not fully understand them, but I accept them, Hinata-kun,” he said. “You’re doing so much for me. It would only be fair, I think.” He nods. “Even if I don’t understand and even if there are times I wish it wasn’t so—I accept!”

“I... That’s...” Hinata’s blush impressively darkened further. “I-I’m glad...you do... Because it is how I feel... Obviously...”

“We’re going to struggle a lot, aren’t we?” Komaeda asked sadly. “But, you know... If we’re together... I can’t help but want to think that it’ll be fine.”

“I-I’m gonna try and do all I can...! So don’t worry too much...!” Hinata exclaimed before quieting. “Kamukura-sama...will help...as will... Tsukai...”

“I think we at least have good chances,” Komaeda said cheerily. “We may even have a good hope.”

_...although there is much I still don’t understand about the world... Still..._

“What does the future have in store?” he wonders. “Somehow—I’m filled with both excitement and dread!”

“...the future...” Hinata seemed lost in thought. “Angels...usually don’t think about stuff like that...”

“Really?” Komaeda asked. “Well, what do you think, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata’s features pinched as he mulled over it.

“Mmgh... T-That as long as we face it together, things are sure to turn out fine...? Maybe... That’s what...it means to have hope...right?”

“You sound so unsure!”

Hinata flinched, wincing. “S-Sorry...”

_Ah, he’s making such an upset face..._

“Hinata-kun,” he said. “Hope is essential at a time like this. That said, I do think you’re right.” He beamed, touching Hinata’s cheek. “I have faith in you, after all, even if your words may not.”

Hinata swallowed, eyes glimmering. Just like that, he could see that admirable gleam that he adored so much. One of desperation—and determination.

_Yes. We’ll be fine._

“Just... Don’t overwork yourself, okay? Hinata-kun?” Komaeda’s smile wavers. “I really would know immeasurable despair if something happened to you.”

Hinata was quiet, and takes his hand.

“If something like that did happen... Nagito, what will...you do?”

Hinata is shaking, just a little. Aha. That must be—the burden of being loved by someone.

_I only know because it’s you._

“Please don’t make me think about that,” he said, smile now straining. “It’s way too painful, Hinata-kun!”

He ducked into Hinata’s chest and clung tightly to him.

“It’s much, much too painful.”

For a while, Hinata was still and quiet, save for that thrumming heartbeat.

“...got it.”

Mercifully, Hinata returns his embrace, tenderly threading his fingers through his hair.

“Nothing like that will happen, Nagito,” he said lowly. “I promise.”

He’s not stupid.

He knows Hinata is just saying that to reassure him.

_It’s working, aha. Because I really do have too much hope and too much faith in him._

He wants to cry, but for now, he just nods hurriedly.

“O-Okay. Okay, Hinata-kun. N-Nothing...will happen to me, either. I promise.”

_It would only be fair. For Hinata-kun’s sake—I can’t waver nor falter. For this love, there’s no giving in. Nor any giving up._

“I love you, Hinata-kun.”

“I love you too, Nagito.”

That’s all there was to it.

* * *

After a while, they had to return. Hinata seemed reluctant, and Tsukai’s cheer did little to lighten his mood.

“I’ll continue taking good care of him! Kamukura-sama _asked_ me to, after all!” He winks. “You just focus on studying so that you can enact social change, _Master_ Scholar.”

Hinata got flustered. “You just...take care of yourself, Tsukai.”

“Please don’t tease Hinata-kun so much,” Komaeda grumbled, tugging Tsukai back. Tsukai only giggles.

“Okay, okay. I’ll leave the teasing to you, then.”

Komaeda scoffed, but when he noticed Hinata’s deepening blush, he found himself nodding along.

“Yes... That’s right.”

_Hinata-kun’s mine to tease._

“Try not to miss him too much,” Tsukai said as he took Komaeda’s hands and squeezed. “We really should get going... But I wouldn’t mind hanging out again. After all—Hinata-kun’s the one who gives Nagito-kun energy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hinata asked, gawking.

“Eh?” Tsukai quirked a brow. “You don’t know? Then, Master Scholar, you have much to learn.”

_Truth be told... I’m not sure what Tsukai-san is talking about either._ Komaeda frowned at the thought. _I have...much to learn, too._

“Do not look so troubled over it, Hinata Hajime,” Kamukura said. “You will return to that studying soon, after all.”

“Ah... Yeah...” Hinata seemed a little unconvinced. “Hey, Nagito...? I’ll see you soon, alright?”

_You say that every time. I’ll see you soon. It’s almost like a promise._

“I’ll see you soon,” he echoed, smiling. “Love you, Hinata-kun.”

“L-Love...you...”

Tsukai waved, and Komaeda noticed that his eyes were shut, smile wide.

“Bye, bye. Later, then!”

“Take care of yourself as well,” Kamukura said.

The motion had been brief. Kamukura’s sharp gaze likely noticed. Komaeda only noticed due to their joined hands.

“...Kamukura-sama, too. Goodbye.”

Everything whirls out of existence in the next possible second.

* * *

Unsurprising, he’s left with a spinning head and a bit of a migraine, leaving him to rub his temple and groan.

“Still not used to it,” Tsukai mused. “Well, surely someday, right?”

_...someday..._

It still hurt considerably to think, but Komaeda managed to nod. Slowly but surely, the throbbing faded out. Tsukai had tugged him along, and slowly but surely, Komaeda regained his thoughts.

“Hey, Tsukai-san... Can you teach me more about the world? Like Hinata-kun, I...want to know more... That way I can understand it better and...” _And maybe..._ “Maybe it’ll be easier to change, in that case. Hopefully.”

“Hopefully?” Tsukai repeated, tossing him a strange glance over his shoulder. “Do you really think so?”

“...I don’t really know, but...” Komaeda shrugged. “I can’t just sit around and do nothing, Tsukai-san. Hinata-kun is trying. I should, as well...”

_I mustn’t be a burden... Ignorance isn’t going to help me, in that respect._

“I want to learn everything I can,” he said. “That way I know for sure what I’m fighting against for Hinata-kun’s sake. For our sakes.”

“Goodness,” Tsukai said, letting go of his hand. “Asking a demon for even _more_ help, I wonder if you even know what you’re getting yourself into, Nagito-kun.”

“I don’t know!” Komaeda exclaimed with nothing but earnestness. “That’s why I’m asking for your help, Tsukai-san!”

Tsukai stopped, and then, he snorted into his hand.

“...alright. I’ll try to teach you what I can.”

“T-Thank you, Tsukai-san...!”

“It’s just because you’re so curious!” Tsukai chirped. “It would be such a shame to stomp out that hopeful light of yours! Which is why you really should be more careful, Nagito-kun!”

_...ah._

This time, he understood the implications that laid beyond Tsukai’s enigmatic grin.

“I do have hope,” he said. “And faith. In not just my future, but...in yours as well, Tsukai-san.”

“Aha, what are you saying?” Tsukai asked, cheerful as ever. “Someone like me...”

“There’s hope for you,” Komaeda insisted. “You’re just being stubborn, Tsukai-san.”

“...who’s stubborn?” The question was deceptively light.

_Who, indeed?_

“...Did you have a nice time with Kamukura-sama?”

“I did.” Tsukai’s smile twitches. “I assume the same for you and Hinata-kun?”

“Of course,” he said. “I love Hinata-kun. Being with him makes me happy. It’s the same for you and Kamukura-sama, right?”

No answer.

“...even though it’s forbidden,” Komaeda adds. “But, does that really matter? We’re already forsaken creatures, right?”

“Yes,” Tsukai replied faintly. “That’s right.”

_...already forsaken...already forbidden...it really doesn’t matter..._

“Come on, Nagito-kun, let’s get going.”

“Okay, Tsukai-san.”

_Hinata-kun... Kamukura-sama, too... We’re all definitely going to be happy. I’m sure of it._

With that in mind, he slipped his hand into that of his other half’s and squeezed.

_Love will definitely, **definitely** win in the end._

His hand was gripped in return.

_You’ll see it for yourself. I’m sure of it._


End file.
